Gegen Meinen Willen A Tokio Hotel Fan Fiction
by themusiclife
Summary: How many times she'd used those words, taken refuge under them. But now those very words crushed her, curtaining her with Darkness as their weapon, she wished it weren't true, that she could fight this storm. Aber es ist Gegen Meinen Willen.
1. Chapter 1

The two girls huddled in the dark. They'd been told there would be others to keep them company. Some company silence was being.

The taller one stretched her legs lazily. Only her companion, her soul mate, her twin was keeping her from screaming into the darkness. The storm had taken everything away from her. Her life, her mum, her dad, her elder brother and irritable younger sister. All that was left of who she was was the girl who slept peacefully in her lap, the two black books she clutched now to her chest, and the haunting image of the whirlwind holding their last frozen expressions before they were gone forever.

A single tear ran down her cheek, and she let out a gasp in replacement for the sob that threatened to heave out of her chest.

"Ich hasse das Leben." She muttered into the dark.

The sleeping girl stirred, turned her head the other way and succumbed once again to her world of dreams.

"Hallo?" another voice spoke hesitantly into the silence. The girl stiffened.

"Wer ist es?" her voice trembled in the darkness.

"Ich und mein Bruder haben wir hier für eine ganze Weile fest. Mein Name ist Bill. Du?"

"Ich – Ich..."her voice broke, and the sob broke through her chest. Tears ran down her cheeks like rain.

"Ugh. Life sucks. Will power sucks harder." She muttered more to herself more than anyone else. But the silence would not have it. The boy straightened up. The sleeping girl was stirring again, she sat up slowly.

"Hola" she whispered sleepily.

"We have someone with us, I'm afraid. Although I think I might've felt better if I could see faces right now." Her sister said quietly, afraid that if she might speak up fear would betray her in that piercing silence.

"It's ok. We're ok. Where is the rest of your family? We were told there would be a family here with us. We were taken to a separate shelter than the rest of our family, I'm afraid." The boy said in a faintly accented voice, trying to strike up a conversation with the strangers.

"They were swept in the storm." The new voice stated flatly. There were no accents in the girls' voices. It was hard to tell where they came from.

"Oh." The boy's voice broke. Surely he hadn't met someone who had suffered worse. An uncomfortable silence descended upon they're already pressured ears.

"_Der Blick zurück ist schwarz  
Und vor uns liegt die Nacht  
Es gibt kein zurück - zum glück  
Zum glück - kein zurück  
Kein zurück"_

She sung in a soft voice that broke as she shed a few tears. The boy named Bill joined her as she began singing the second verse.

"You – you know Tokio Hotel then?" she asked in between sobs.

The boy smiled, nudging his brother awake.

"Yes, in fact I'm quite the fan."

"Ah. Yes their lyrics are wonderful. They're my favourite band. Inspired me to return to myself." She said in that deep voice. But not too deep it was. "Your voice resembles Bill Kaulitz's a lot."

If the room was lit, one would have seen a thin girl with ever radiant, slightly pink, cheeks and a mess of wavy, curly dark brown hair that reached her waist; her brow was furrowed as she considered the thought.

"Is that so?" a new voice whispered in the dark. The two girls started.

"Is that your brother now?" Payal asked.

"Yep, that's me."

"You sound like you're used to being outspoken."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just love trying to identify behavior patterns and such. Psychology is very interesting."

An awkward silence ensued for the brothers as they pondered over these strangers.

"_Darkness awaits my decision_

_The moons lie in iridescence_

_Goodbye to the world_

_Hello to the swirl_

_Of this breath of life_

_As each piece of my soul_

_Teeters onwards towards the edge_

_May darkness be borne_

_Or the moons escape my fate_

_My destiny_

_Is wrapped among the flailing arms_

_Of four_

_Including my own_

_Let us make amends._

_And when the darkness exhales its last breath_

_The moons of Demetria shall rise_

_And thirteen they shall be_

_Escaping sacrifice_

_For your love is true and pure_

_For me the only cure_

_The 13 Moons of Demetria await my cautioning wind_

_The sacrifice of my will_

_Before darkness moves in for the kill_

_And engulfs the four remnants of this heart_

_This soul, the four remnants of a spark_

_All hail these pieces of me_

_All hail unity_

_All hail the memory_

_Of my will_

_Move for the kill_

_Take my will…" _the brown – haired girl sung, her voice dangling high like silver chimes, and then hitting the low of cool waters; her voice entangled itself with her sister's, weaving through the bass notes as it soared high, and all fear was forgotten, all dreams lay open and untouched. The last note hovered some way above a purple sun that had formed itself in her imagination, and then plunged low into the darkness as her eyes opened like the heavy curtains of a stage. The song had ended, gravity had returned. But the cold now felt a little warmer.

**Yes, I did write that song there.**

**XD  
**


	2. Chapter 2

"By who is that song?" Tom asked.

"Uhm…"

"She wrote it." The sleepy voice answered bluntly.

"Oh." _How old were these girls? _Tom thought.

"I wish I could just at least get out of here and have a nice walk in the rain. So helpful right now." The brown haired girl said, sighing as she clutched the books tighter to her chest, if that were possible.

"Why would you want to walk in the rain?" Bill asked, puzzled.

"Because I love the way the soil smells. I love the feeling of the warmth before a new drop of water hits my skin. I love being able to watch the rain, as it patters over me as I run through it, each drop missing me, but another drop covering up for it. I love it all raining on top of me, just like the rain does, but not quite."

The boys sat in awe. The girl mistook the silence to be one of unease.

"No, I don't always ponder, I like being the hyper idiot that I am. And, yes, I know I am an extreme personality. That somehow never gets old for people apparently." She answered.

"Tell. Me. About. It." The sleepy voice was not as sleepy as before. "Why don't we try finding a match or something in here?"

"Yeah, the dark scares me too much." The taller girl whispered; her voice suddenly seemed small.

All four were on their hands and knees, caressing the ground, feeling its hard coldness for the hint of a stick, the feel of smooth wax… anything that hinted towards light. They bumped into each other often, whispering an apology every now and then, their hands brushing against each other and their heads colliding as two found themselves searching the same spot. But never did one twin bump into their respective other half, always receiving the feeling of a new hand of the strangers that they were to each other; so often now that they recognized who it was even though the girls' names were yet unknown.

Eventually the boy called Bill let out a not so boyish squeal, as his hand clasped around a matchbox. He picked it up with shaking hands, pulling out one of the short little sticks, feeling for the right end, and striking it against the side of the box.

His face was the only thing illuminated by the light, and it caste an eerie shadow around it, since his hair was braided into thin dreadlocks. The hint of a wet leather jacket was evident. As the girls looked up the boy cracked up a smile, being able to see nothing of them, but their eyes, that reflected the match's light. The boy's porcelain skin was wet with the rain; the eyeliner running down his cheeks.

Those high cheek bones, that wide, innocent smile, those golden brown eyes, that little piercing on his eyebrow, and his black nails with the white tips, were unmistakable.

"Thought as much it was you." The taller girl said. From the light the shock on the boy's face was evident as he saw her shrug. And here he thought he had them fooled well enough.

"Halo, Bill Kaulitz." The girl said, as she crawled closer to where he kneeled so as to look for a candle.

"H – Halo?" he said, startled at her casual reference to his name; the manner in which she spoke, as if she'd heard of him, but he was just another boy.

"Nikita."

"Nikita. Halo." he said, regaining his composure, looking at the fair - but not too fair - skin that carried a golden brown tinge to it; the flowing mass of thick dark brown hair that - it seemed - had a few natural light reddish - goldenish hair visible. her cheekbones were high, but not very. Her fingers were thin and long; the feel of her hand soft as it gently brushed his knee - where his pant had ripped - as she continued to search for more candles and match boxes. Her hands, they moved slowly, carefully, gently along the floor in their search.

And, looking into those startling bright and alert dark brown eyes that were framed by those thick and long set of eyelashes, he may have, just _may_ have glimpsed her shattered but gentle soul.


	3. Chapter 3

As his eyes continued to follow her lean form across the small room; he watched as she slowly got up and roamed along the walls, probably searching for a possible window, a door, something. She found a little ledge with a dried flower in it. She wouldn't know the name of the floor, she'd never learnt those things, never bothered no matter how fascinating it was.

She looked through a slit just above the ledge, and her eyes were greeted by the morbid darkness – a veil that refused flow away with the wind.

"When the heck will the stupid storm clear." She said, her voice still breaking at odd points in the sentence as she slumped down on the ground. She held the candle to her face, and the boys' breath caught. The sadness, the anger, the hurt, the shattered soul visible through those dark brown eyes was overwhelming.

"Payal?"

"Hmm?" the shorter girl had curled up against one of the walls again.

"Do you have a pen or something?"

"Nein."

"Don't flaunt your scanty German girl!"

The girl called Payal chuckled. "You rubbed off on me I guess."

"Do any of you guys have a pen or something else to write with? If you do can I PLEASE borrow it? And quick?" she said looking from Bill to Tom, both of whom were yet not accustomed to the casual manner in which she spoke to them, the normality of her treatment.

"Er, yeah." Tom stated, fishing – and quite literally so – a pen from his extra loose pants. The boy then picked up another candle, lighted it and searched for the girl named Payal, she sat on the far side of the room. As he walked he realized the length of the room was greater than twice the width, the ceiling was high with deep set ledges that had slits for windows above them.

He plopped down next to her just as the girl named Nikita begun to hum a wayward tune, correcting herself ever so often and making a note here or there in one of those black books of hers. Payal took out thin little gadget that looked a lot like an iPod and – as her fingers moved across the screen – a guitar riff came along with the melody that had now become a full fledged song and escaped her younger sister's lips. Nikita smiled a sad smile at her sister as she continued to sing and Payal's fingers continued their way across the screen.

"So this is how we are going to spend our time…" Tom trailed off, as he leaned over the girl's shouldered, marveling at the simplicity, yet brilliancy, of the technology that allowed the harmony to flow.

"No. This is how we are going to let go of emotions that simply refuse to loosen their grasp on our souls." Payal said, turning slightly from where she sat to look at the boy seated next to her.

_They baffle me._ Tom communicated to his brother, their eyes meeting each other. Bill sighed, his eyes moving over to watch the girl as she sang, and then traveled to where her sister stared at one of those slits, the melody continuing to flow from the little device on its own, since it was finally finished.

_You don't know how strangely beautiful and mesmerizing yet aggravatingly sad this is for me..._ Bill retorted as his eyes met his elder brother's again.

Bill looked back to where the girl was slumped against the wall. The tears had sprung again, this time flowing more like someone's pulse – a slow, uneven rhythm. But he could not peer into the depths of her soul anymore, for her eyes had closed even though the tears continued to fall. No more did her voice break. With each note that swung in that deep, rich voice, she grew stronger. The yearning to see reason, to see the points of light that pointed to her reason of existence shined a little brighter than they had a few minutes ago.

He was mesmerized by her recovery, by the manner in which her expression softened slowly, the way her lips were no longer pressed in a hard line, but now almost curved upwards in a slight smile. The warm dark eyes were no longer set in quarried hurt like they had been moments ago. The tears were being wiped away from that face; the thick, lush hair being brushed out of her eyes.

It was not until two minutes had passed that Bill realized what he had been doing and looked down, blushing ever so slightly. But it didn't embarrass him; he never got the concept of being 'manly' to not be seen blushing. It frankly disgusted him that some people could think that a flicker of emotion was a stain or a scar, or something to be looked down upon.

"Bill?"

"H – hmm?" still not used to the casual call, the 'normal treatment'.

"You write songs…" she said hesitantly.

He was a bit puzzled she would ask him this, state it – even.

"Er – ja…"

"Could you – could you help me? I'm a little stuck at the last teensy weensy line."

He chuckled at her usage of words, but got up anywho. He sat down slowly, letting his legs stretch out ahead. He realized she was quite a tall girl after all, maybe three inches or so lesser than he was. He read the lines over her shoulder, ever so careful in her presence.

"Hmm… _Cause I still smell the lilacs, still hear the wind_,.. I don't know what to write there…" she chewed on the pen and whispered, more to herself than anyone else. He looked at her face in wonder. Tentatively, he reached out for the little book; she placed it gently into his lap. His hand shook as he wrote down the last line his scrawl of a hand.

_Summer songs, the sound of wind; I am not what I could've been,_

_And you're a distant dream: long forgotten, long unchased._

_The warmth of the morning can only bring _

_The absence of rain, the pleasure of pain in my heart._

_Its beginning to thunder and my heart begins to wonder_

_The weak and hopeless steps of a lover_

_Must give away where you are,_

_Must make you feel, just make you feel._

_Cause I can't feel and I can't see_

_I can't believe in make believe_

_But I'll still be._

_I am not happiness undone_

_I am not a Wiseman long and gone _

_But life goes on._

_My heart lies empty and open, _

_Don't know which way to believe in_

_But heartache can't feel wrong._

_Can't feel wrong… Can't feel wrong…_

_Whispering curtains, the starry skies; already forgotten and old goodbyes,_

_And I am a stream: moving ahead, twisting stones._

_The sweet smell of lilacs probing the edges,_

_My mind trying to ease out the wedges in between sweet memories._

_Its beginning to thunder and my heart begins to wonder_

_The steep and endless flight of a winner_

_Must give way to endless tension,_

_Must make you feel, just make you feel._

_Cause I can't feel and I can't see_

_I can't believe in make believe_

_But I'll still be._

_I am not happiness undone_

_I am not a Wiseman long and gone _

_But life goes on._

_My heart lies empty and open, _

_Don't know which way to believe in_

_But heartache can't feel wrong._

_Can't feel wrong… Can't feel wrong…_

_I'm not a lonely lover, don't have an endless past_

_Can't be a heartbroken shadow, won't fizzle away too fast_

_But I'll still be, and I'll still stay and I'll still manage to be okay_

_Cause I still smell the lilacs, still hear the wind, _

_I still feel the warmth of mornings, hear whispering curtains._

_Though I can't feel and I can't see_

_I can't believe in make believe_

_But I'll still be._

_I am not happiness undone_

_I am not a Wiseman long and gone _

_But life goes on._

_My heart lies empty and open, _

_Don't know which way to believe in_

_But heartache can't feel wrong._

_Can't feel wrong… Can't feel wrong…_

"Hmm… yeah, that fits." She said nodding her head as she re – read that verse. "Thank you." She said, looking up at him, the sincerity unquestionable in her eyes. He was unable to speak, his gaze refused to move from her face even after she'd looked away.

It was finally when Tom coughed that Bill's attention was brought back to the day.

_Watch yourself. _His elder brother by 10 minutes warned.

Bill sighed.

_I'll try._

**Any song mentioned here is either written by me or TH. I don not own the latter as you guys very well know**

**XD**


	4. Chapter 4

The rain pitter pattered across the walls, its rhythm gradually slowing – almost as if the monsoon was taunting the despair that marred the peace that came with the sweet music. Payal continued to stare out the slit. It seemed to Tom she was watching the day fade away slowly. It was not until Niki snorted suddenly into the silence, causing Bill to jump, and Payal cracked up a grin that everyone realized that the two sisters were silently communicating with each other.

"Well, if the colour of leaves has to be a darker hue than the light of the sun then leaves should be black shouldn't they?" Niki said, turning ever so slightly, so that her right side leaned against the wall and her back faced Bill.

"That's debatable," Payal retorted, "it could just be an addition of blue… But that doesn't seem _as _likely as a change in hue." She said, nodding in agreement.

"I'm _way _lost I guess." Tom muttered slowly, wrapping his arms around his knees as he brought them up to his chest. It had to be getting cold with each minute that passed.

"Count me in!" Bill said, raising his arm.

"We were only discussing what if the sun's light would be filtered through the Earth as purple instead of blinding white. How does that change everything?"

"So then Niki said the leaves of plants would be blackish – "

"But then Payal thought they'd just be violet."

Silence. The boys were baffled by the utterly unusual conversation.

"But then that's just pointless. You can't just go adding a blue hue to _everything!_"

"That could apply to the shade theory too!"

"But that one makes more sense."

"Well…"

"AHA! You agree! _Thought_ as much!" Niki sat cross – legged with a smug expression on her face. Her arms crossed over her chest; she felt triumphant.

"That's like the time we debated broccoli…" Tom said, staring off into space.

"Or underpants…" Bill interjected, wearing the same expression as his brother.

"Ew…" Both the girls whimpered, causing the boys to chuckle.

One would think they all are going to be getting along perfectly well.

Well, at least till the storm drove on.

For then they'd know what they truly were for the world.

Niki sighed, these thoughts awhirl in her head. Three heads turned to look in her direction, one of them – the angel's face – already being fixed there since before. She shook her head slightly, trying to communicate everything being ok.

It was obviously – and obliviously – not working.

It was a while before Niki spoke up again. The topic had drifted to general talk about each other, with Bill taking part only half – heartedly; he was still baffled by this angel of a girl.

"So, what were you guys doing in Germany anyway?" Tom questioned – his accent still notable, even after all this time.

"We came here on holiday actually…" Payal said, staring nervously at her twin. The boys had no clue why, though.

"Yeah, we were off from work – and dead bored. And I wanted to see the churches and things like that. The cathedrals are BEAUTIFUL." Niki replied. She'd decided on telling the truth – the only white lie being placement of the word "work" instead of "tour". She exhaled mentally, happy that at least the boys didn't know who they were.

Bill snorted. _Churches. _How boring.

"Yeah – I don't get it either. What this girl sees in human history is _BEYOND_ me." Payal said, shaking her head. Niki glared at her, but cracked up a grin as Payal burst off into giggles – something the boys wouldn't have expected, seeing as how she had been up till now.

"Isn't anybody sleepy?" Bill said suddenly, stretching as he let out a long drawn yawn.

Niki put up her hand like she was in first grade. Tom and Payal rolled their eyes.

"Welcome to freaky younger twins' world." They muttered at the same moment, then looked at each other and smiled.

"You don't need to rub it in!" Bill and Niki said bitterly, at the same time, even. Shocked, they both looked at each other, but turned away as their eyes met. Niki was thankful for the darkness for once – the redness in her cheeks threatened to give her away.

"So…" Niki said, shifting a little, giving Bill his space. She curled up against the wall, not daring to lie down on the floor.

"Night!" she whispered.

"More like evening." Payal said.

"Says sleepy - head whiney punk." Niki muttered. Bill snorted as he slinked down to the floor, lying flat on his back, but then deciding to curl up on his side. The cold, hardness wouldn't do much good to his back.

"What happened to her?" Tom muttered to Payal as soon as the younger ones were under. Bill had already begun muttering low in his sleep.

Payal sighed and begun the sad tale.

What came out had the power to change Tom's perspective and his life.

Forever.


	5. Chapter 5

She sighed once more. He raised his eyebrows. In the dark his ivory skin seemed to glow, but unlike his younger brother it had a different tinge to it.

_He doesn't know remember?_ She reminded herself.

"Our parents got swept away in the storm while we were running to this place." She said, looking away, so that Tom couldn't see the tear that slipped its way down her dark cheek.

"Oh." Tom choked out.

She just nodded, feeling lame. "Along with our younger sis and elder brother. Just like that, all gone in a second's time." She choked out, her voice breaking again and again, just like her sister's had.

But Tom wouldn't know since he hadn't been awake then.

"She said, the only reason she didn't jump in after them was me. That I was her only reason to not lose her sanity." She sighed. "I wonder how we'll pull through."

Tom's hand rose, but he didn't know whether a gesture like that would be appropriate. The question he'd asked himself before continued to whirl around in his head. The tragedy of the situation had him numb.

"You could slow life down a little bit for a while…" he said softly. "Give it a little time."

Payal smiled a little smile, finally looking back up at this boy, who had no clue what true sorrow of this sort felt like.

"The job we have, there's no quitting. That would just be very disastrous." She said slowly, framing the sentences very carefully; narrowly side stepping the mine field.

"Lucky I understand her completely, I don't know what I'd do without her…"

Tom just sat there, confused.

"We're twins." Payal said, answering his unasked question.

"So now – zilch family, a job we _HAVE_ to get back too, and minimal reasons to continue with life." She said sighing. Tom's fingertips were going cold.

"No. Don't. Ever. Think. That way. Again." He said, his lips pressing into a line, his eyes closing tight shut. His thought processes were a blur, his perspective of life had shifted so suddenly that focus was as bad as adjusting a camera lens. It seemed forever before he opened his eyes again, and when he did, she had gone to staring out the little slit again. Tom studied her frame – her jet black hair fell in tangles to her shoulders; her skin was dark, but in the faint light that now emerged from the slits, it seemed to have pallor. Her almond - shaped eyes, framed with thick long lashes just like her sister's were jet black, just like her hair. Where her sister looked like sunrise, she represented twilight. Two odds so connected, yet so apart.

She rolled her eyes. She'd thought he'd say as much. _Typical, _she thought.

She turned to look at him – a quick glance – and then turned her head the other way again.

He was stiff, and still dripping a little from all the water that his baggy – but not as baggy as before – clothes had soaked up. His head was oddly heavy yet cool, from the way all the water that remained in his cornrows and the places where his exposed scalp felt the cold of the room. His dull golden – brown eyes probed Payal's form, but surprisingly the consciousness that it brought to her was neither uncomfortable nor irritating. It wa just present.

Somewhere on the far side of the room Bill gasped in his sleep, Niki's eyes opened, taking in the two dark figures shrouded against the far wall. She turned her head, taking in the form of the boy who slept a very little way away from her, looking innocent as ever as he dreamed of some far away land she couldn't have ever imagined. His angel's face glowed in the dark. She wondered what expression that beautifully chiseled face would wear when he learnt the truth, but banished the thought almost immediately as the consequences came into focus.

_I can't attach myself to this lot anyway… _she thought resentfully, wishing it to be false.

Her sister continued to keep up the façade, pretending she couldn't hear these thoughts.

But some things are unavoidable.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It was early morn. A bird chirped at an old broken ballet studio. The bushed stirred as a wary squirrel fled to its little hole in the tree across the street. The sky greeted the sun with open arms, and the first rays of sunshine burst through the edges of the horizon as if someone had flung bright white pain across a black canvas. The light dripped to the end of every landscape, filling colours where before Old Zed only saw grays from where he'd taken shelter in his little shop. The ballet studio seemed dead. The old walls with the pink paint seemed worse than ever, the roof threatened to cave in but somehow stood still and sturdy against the pillars of cement and metal of the foundations.

Somewhere inside two shattered hearts beat with two others – who seemed oddly attached to the prior. Inside the tattered little building one of the broken souls stirred as a beam of sunlight filtered through the cob – webs at one of the slit like windows, as a spider scurried away towards the darkness.

The younger broken soul stretched her stiff limbs as she uncurled. The dirt seemed to have seeped through the locks of her hair, making her hair look darker than it truly was. The glowing angel next to her stirred ever so slightly, peeking up at this girl once more as he pretended to sleep, remembering the happenings of yesterday.

Somewhere on the far side the boy with the black cornrows settled his head deeper into the dense tresses of the dark angel. She stirred the slightest bit and was deeply under once more.

The brown haired girl walked out into the beams of sunshine, staring down at her body, wondering whether not following after most of her family was a right decision or not. The boy she referred to as the angel followed, maintaining his distance. The bird had stopped singing its throaty song. The drops of water dripped a little more slowly down the walls, as if willing everything else into silence.

She sighed, clenching and unclenching the fists that her hands formed as they rested near her chest, trying to put a stopper to the deathly pain in her heart. The angel lightly ran his hand down her arm and she light out a silent sob as he pulled her closer, her head resting against his chest.

A flash. Then – silence.

Bill Kaulitz sighed – feeling a sense of completion and yet deep sorrow as he held this angel of a girl against his own form.

Nikita had forgotten who she was for all but a moment.

Another flash, leading to a rhythm unheard of - the little twinkles, like stars of a devilish sort, continued to wink as she realized the horrifying reality of what she had momentarily succumbed to.

She walked blindly towards the little, crumbling building as strangers pressed closer in, trying to collect a shot of this woman, of her condition; trying to capture the man running after her the little way they had come from the gloom of last night. At last the girl stepped onto the threshold, pulling the angel along with her and slapping the door shut. She sunk to the floor as her elder sister by a few minutes and the angel's brother snapped awake.

For Bill and Tom Kaulitz were no two ordinary boys.

But neither were Nikita and Payal.

Niki let out another broken sob as Tom got up.

"What - ?" he begun, alarmed.

"Paparazzi" she choked out. Bill sunk low, trying to comfort her like he had before – but she pushed him away. She'd snapped out of it as the cameras had clicked; the barrier wouldn't break down again, she would never let it.

To her it felt like a hole was burning itself through her heart.

To him it felt like he was watching some old and forgotten part of himself crash and burn.

To them both it was excruciating pain.

Tom was already on the phone; in the next half an hour enough calls were made so that a limo pulled up to the little broken down house, and bodyguards broke through the wall of flash cameras to take the four, aged overnight, youngsters to the save haven of tinted windows – and eventually – a startled Simone's living room.

"Boys you'll were stuck in a _storm_ for Christ's sake!" she chided them as she hugged her sons. Bill glanced back at Niki, wincing as he caught the emotions in her eyes; all this while she had gone from feeling heart – wrenching pain to absolute numbness.

"Ma, we didn't _pick them up._" Tom said, disgusted at the very thought. He had changed much from the boy he had been when he was 17; at the age of 22 he seemed to dislike his former "groupie" days.

"Then what are the poor souls doing here with the two of you without their family?" Simone demanded her two sons.

At the word "family" Niki's knees gave in. She lay in a heap on the wooden floor. Her condition and the word were like two heavy clouds clashing together to produce a monsoon of tears. Simone swooped down onto the floor, pulling her close, and the tears flowed freely and smoothly down her cheeks. Payal was frozen, holding the back of the sofa in the living room for support as she stood there – the tears slipping down her cheeks.

The house was silent, for heartache and heartbreak cannot be heard.

Simone looked up at Tom in panic.

_Ihre Eltern?! _She mouthed at her son.

He shook his head as a single tear slipped down his alabaster cheek.

Bill could not take it anymore. Suddenly a pair of strong but skinny arms were lifting the girl from the ground. She yelped in surprise.

"Bill!" Simone called as he moved up the stairs, carrying the girl in his arms. He shook his head vigorously. His mother hung back.

"He loves her doesn't he?" she asked the old house. Tom started, Payal too numb by his side to process words.

Upstairs the girl fought against this angel's hold, but his tender grip only tightened the slightest bit in return. Kicking open the door to his dusty, unused room, Bill gently placed her on his bed. She curled up, rocking back and forth. As a child her mother would hold her, rocking her back and forth like she did herself now whenever her tears would flow freely – interfering with the means of logic and reasoning. Bill placed a gentle, nervous hand on hers.

"Niki." He said quietly. Her wide, brown eyes stared up at his face, the tears swimming in them; he pulled her close, rocking her back and forth, mimicking her calming mantra.

"I – I'm sor – "

"Nein. Bitte, nein…" he whispered, resting his head on her's.

As another sob broke through her chest, and the few scattered, stuttering apologies escaped her lips, Bill wondered which emotion overpowered the other – bliss or sorrow?


	6. Chapter 6

They remained like that, lost in their own thoughts, until Niki stiffened, realizing what she had allowed. The tension seemed to press down on Bill again as he felt her lock down. The only thing he was scared of at this point was how far she would distance herself from him.

"Euhm…" she begun -

"You want me to move?" he asked her in a quiet whisper, not waiting for an answer as he unlocked his arms from around her curled up form unwillingly.

"Bill, I – "she sighed, "I'm sorry. For everything. You don't need all the bullshit right now I guess. I just wanna make sure you know I didn't do any of this on purpose ok? It's just…" she was struggling for words, while Bill felt himself go numb. "…life isn't easy at all for me at this point. I wish… I could erase from your memory what you witnessed last night… and today. It's… you could say uncalled for, for you? So… if that's cleared up… maybe… I'd have to head back to India." She said, choosing all her words carefully. Bill felt like he was stone rather than skin and bones. "My... people will want answers." She stated, trying to give most of the truth.

She got up, hastily wiping the tear tracks from her face. Taking a deep breath she stuck out her hand. Bill took it limply.

"I guess, well you couldn't call last night's experience nice at all. But - well it was a comfort to have someone there with us. So… thanks." She said, a watery smile pulling at her lips. Bill felt like the ground was slipping from his feet. It felt like someone he knew and loved for years had all but forgotten who he was.

He had no idea that the searing pain in her heart was had expanded as she tried with all her might to stick with the words she'd just uttered.

"But – "

"Look I'm tired of having to watch people hurting just because they've heard about my life ok?" she said, her voice breaking in the end. "I just…" she sighed, "I can't take anything anymore the way I could. And I don't think I will be able to be the same. So - till I get over this chapter of my life - I need no one around me, and that means I gotta go. I'm sorry for letting you go through what you went through last night. Truly; I didn't ask for any of that."

With that she walked down. Leaving Bill rooted to the spot, as if he were staring down at the broken pieces of his heart.

As she walked down the stairs Niki wondered why this angelic boy made her heart cry out in pain much worse even than the pain of death.

She stopped mid stride at the bottom, taking a deep breath to compose herself just for her sister.

"Payal we – "

"Honey?" Simone said tentatively as she entered the room. The boys' mother did not know how to approach the topic. What had gone down upstairs that had Niki stiff, her body locked down?

"I – I've got something to tell you." Both the girls' heads turned.

"Um, you can't fly back now."

The twins exchanged a panicked glance.

"W – what happened?!" Payal asked; her voice was still weak.

"The airport's in ruins and they won't have a makeshift runway ready for at least 2 months."

"Oh…"

"Yeah, and they're not allowing anyone outside their houses. The damage done was crazy…"

"Which translates that you both are staying _here_. Case closed. No discussions." A voice said from the kitchen. Tom stood in the doorway, his hands folding across his chest as he leaned against the frame; smiling a slight smile.

The girls looked at each other, then shook their head in unison.

"You were right." Payal said incredulously.

"About what?" Tom asked curious.

"That if ever someone knew you personally you'd turn out to be a sweet guy, but kind of like a jerk." Niki said, smiling a watery smile as she folded her arms across her torso and turned to face the German playboy.

"_Ex _playboy." Payal corrected her younger sister out loud.

"Alright alright!!" Niki said, throwing her arms in the air. Simone laughed as she touched each of the girls' cheeks fondly.

"Don't mess with _these _ones Tomi. They aren't your blonde bimbos." She said as she walked, nose a little high in the air, towards the kitchen. Payal and Niki snickered.

"That – ARGH forget it!!" Tom said, walking up the stairs.

As he walked up towards his room, he caught sight of his baby brother.

"Billi?!" he rushed into the dusty bedroom, catching his brother's arm.

"She's going." Bill whispered pathetically.

"No she isn't Bill." Tom said gently.

Bill turned his head to look at his brother, and Tom cringed at the pain he saw there.

"You can't hold her back." He whispered.

"She isn't leaving Billi. No one can. They've got curfews and the airport's broken completely." Tom said, gentle as ever.

His brother took a little while to process this.

"Well then…" he started coolly –

"Oh, don't you _give_ me _that_ crap!" Tom said, pulling him into an uncalled for bear hug.

"You scared the shit outta me!" he said as he let go of his baby brother.

"Yeah…" Bill said, weirded out. Sometimes he really wondered whether his elder brother felt ok all the time. But he brushed it away.

"Look on the bright side! You found _her_!!"

At this Bill had to allow a tiny smile as happiness and warmth swelled in his heart. He snorted.

"Yeah I did; then, almost broke my heart, but then didn't… Scheisse Ich wirklich Hilfe brauchen!"

"Tell me about it!" Tom said sarcastically. Bill mock punched him, and they continued their nonsensical babble all the way down the stairs. They didn't even see the other two pairs of twin eyes as they went on babbling their way into the kitchen. The only thing that had them pulled up short was when Bill almost dropped the china dish that lay on the kitchen platform.

"Boys! Watch it! Count on you two to lose track of the world when you'll are fighting and drop my entire cutlery!" she said, playfully wagging a finger in both their faces; they smirked identical smirks.

"We see you haven't forgotten the frying pans from when we were kids Mutti!!" Bill grumbled, but then stopped midway an eye roll to glare at his brother who had just hit him upside the head.

"Uh, yeah I haven't!" Simone said quickly, enveloping her younger son in a hug, while chiding Tom as she did.

Silence.

"Where are they?" Tom asked his mother.

She sighed. "Living room." She said turning back to the cutlery she had been removing. There voices that suddenly rose in the silence, floating in the air from the living room.

"And the ground caved in between where we were"– _thud_ -"standing. And your voice" – _thud_ – "was all I heard. Did I get what I – "Evidently Niki had taken to picking on her twin, showering her with hits from a pillow

"OK YOU CAN STOP NOW!!" Payal yelled.

"_YOUR_ fault! _YOU_ called me a whiny punk! _YOU'RE_ the whiny punk you whiny punk!" Niki shouted, hands on hips.

Tom had chosen to snatch the pillow out of her hands. He hit her head with it.

"And you said _I_ was a little like a nutter?" Tom said incredulously to the two sisters. Bill snorted.

"_Little_? That's an understatement!"

Niki's head turned to him for just a fraction of a second and as their eyes locked they seemed to have expressed to each other things they could not have possibly expressed verbally and avoid a break down. And as Bill turned his head away a smile played on his lips.

Maybe the two sisters were still broken, but maybe the days to come were glowing just a little more brighter. Maybe the points of reason had returned in a different form.


	7. Chapter 7

_**The girl threw her head back and laughed as she shielded her torso from another tickle attack from her elder brother. Their parents were out and he was bored; tickling her was his favourite past time.**_

**"_No more! No more!" she gasped for air as she laughed harder. She was fifteen and, unlike most "normal" teens, Niki did not share a spiteful relationship with her elder brother._**

_**Merciful, he stopped. The siblings looked at each other for a long moment before laughing.**_

_**Her beloved bedroom vanished. Niki blinked slowly, and as her eyes opened she saw her brother's face once again, only now contorted with pain as he attempted to extend a hand as the storm picked him up. She screamed as the light left his eyes, as his gaze became glassy and his limp arm was swung upwards in the wind.**_

Niki woke up in a sweat. She had realized just in time that she had begun to scream. She now covered her mouth, stuffing her fist in to prevent her voice being heard. The tears ran down her cheeks and she tasted the blood from her fingers as she bit down hard on them.

Although no one seem to have heard one would have witnessed Bill standing outside his own room, where the girls had been ushered from the silly pillow fight by Simone. After the first passing hours of quiet slumber Niki's darkest fears seemed to have invaded.

She rocked herself back and forth, back and forth; and the next morning as Bill open the door just a crack and slid in, his gaze sweeping the two girls sleeping forms Niki was to be found sleeping with her head at an odd angle against the wooden board of the bed.

"Guten morgen you two!" Tom said brightly as the two sisters clambered sleepily down the stairs. He picked up two plates laden high with pancakes and held it out to them. Niki yawned her thanks as she took it with lazy hands. Tom chuckled.

"Where are Simone and Gordon?" Niki asked. The twins' parents had been ever so gracious about the whole stay. Although the girls only heard Gordon over the phone as he chided them from being so silly about the whole thing.

"Mutti's gone out to get groceries for this month. Only one member of the house is allowed out that too once a month till the damage is taken care of." Bill said quietly from the sofa. The Simpsons was playing on the TV in front of him. He had been so unusually quiet that the girls had all but overlooked his presence. It hadn't gone past his notice that the tear tracks still remained dried across the girls' cheeks.

"_Die unendlichkeit ist nicht mehr weit  
Die unendlichkeit ist jetzt nicht mehr weit_" Niki sung, imitating Bill from when he was younger. Tom smirked, and she winked at him.

"Why _THAT _song?" Bill muttered as he flipped channels.

"One – your sleepy. Two – your face shows that song to be your mood. Three – WHY are you bummed?! I'm the damsel in distress remember?" Niki said teasingly; her tone light, but the sadness still remaining in her eyes like last night. Although Bill rolled his eyes his stomach flipped and his heart leaped with happiness. The concern for this girl and the concern for her soul were two different things altogether.

For her satisfaction, he turned where he sat and raised an eyebrow. Tom had been watching the whole show with a smirk playing on his lips.

"Eye rape!" Payal exclaimed, pointing an outstretched finger at Bill. Tom fell off his chair as he started.

"WHAT?!" Bill said, shocked. He looked at the others' faces in alarm; but Niki was busy laughing, and trying to pick Tom up from where he fell at the same time but failing altogether. The latter lay on the floor, massaging his left cheek bone.

"You – your eyebrow raise AHAHAHAHA" Niki said, gasping for air as she laughed. Bill watched as the corners of her eyes crinkled. She had had laugh lines before the tragedy hit her, he could see. He started giggling as he saw her laugh harder. From the corner of his eye he saw Payal roll her eyes. Niki was now sitting next to where Tom lay on the floor, staring intently at the bruise on his cheek while a giggle or two escaped her occasionally. She helped him up.

"Danke." He muttered as he glared at Payal, wincing at how is face hurt when he made a face.

"No –" giggle, "problem!" Niki said, supporting herself against the back of the sofa. Tom cracked up a grin, and chuckled and shook his head as he took all their plates to the kitchen sink.

From then on life seemed easier.

The family accepted the two girls to be their own, and Simone was often found complaining about how Bill and Tom could learn from Niki and Payal to be better twin kids, to which all four kids had taken to rolling their eyes or snickering. As two days passed they seemed like forever, for the way the four youngsters had bonded was beyond understand. Every silence held an amusing conversation which was broken when they all looked at each other for a long second, before busting into laughter.

But that doesn't mean the pain she harbored had left.

One sunny morn while the house slept, Bill found the angel sitting in the grass in the backyard, while her notebook lay in front of her. His heart broke as he took in her frozen form, as the blank, starry eyed glance was interrupted by a lone tear that slid down her cheek.

Then reality hit him – she had barely been mended.

He walked to where she kneeled, silent as ever. He gently took her hand like the many times he had done in these 3 days. At his touch her pain and numbness seemed to melt. Bill's smile, his genuine concern was infectious. He had a way of making people feel better. She wiped the single tear track from her face and gave him a watery smile.

He only looked panicked.

"I'm telling you its getting better." She said softly, squeezing his hand. He felt relieved; he knew it when the truth was clear in her voice. He nodded, willing it. "Any news?" She whispered lower, not allowing the pain to get to her.

Bill sighed; he gently rubbed circles into the back of her hand with his thumb to calm her down. He slowly shook his head.

She sighed, as she looked away. The family had filed in for a search of the girls' parents and siblings bodies. The girls had been unable to do much as Simone held them gently in front of the officer. The thought of their family's _bodies _sent a chill down their spines. Bill had had to pull both the sisters away and held them close until the shivers ceased to overcome their control.

Niki had seemed unable to give a name to the way she felt for this boy. After all, shouldn't he be a complete stranger? But this complete stranger was a comfort. He cared. Two nights ago Payal had urged her into a confession; but there was nothing to confess! Tom was, by now, a brotherly figure. He had hovered close whenever the officers had come over to ask for detailed descriptions of each of her family members. Throwing a death glare towards the officers when he went too far, when Niki winced.

Bill on the other hand, had taken a similar fondness to Tom's dark angel; his hands would rest lightly on her shoulders in comfort when the officer asked a painful question. But when it came to Niki's relationship with Bill – he was never a brother… a friend, yes, and even more. She seemed strangely attached to the boy, and it was an attachment that came with a blank tag, and she couldn't fathom what to fill in there!

It was just like the question she had asked herself so many times – the one with no answer, or too many answers at that.

_What is the description of life?_

The answer? –

_The time between life and death _her mother had once said, and so had a friend of hers.

But is the time between life and death the time in your mother's womb or the days outside? Which does the heart value – that three forth of a year which was spent in care and growth, or the slow death that envelopes you with birth, as you grow older every second?


	8. Chapter 8

But is the time between life and death the time in your mother's womb or the days outside? Which does the heart value – that three forth of a year which was spent in care and growth, or the slow death that envelopes you with birth, as you grow older every second?

Niki had been thinking this through as she sat at the edge of the window sill in Bill's room with a mug of hot coffee. The rain seemed to pour in layers.

She had spaced out completely, until she heard the door closing and started.

"Hola." Tom said as he sat down next to her. She smiled. He'd caught on to the way she and her twin spoke so many different languages. By now he knew how to say 'hello' in Spanish, French, Hindi and Italian.

"The same topic reigning on the inside?" he asked her. They were conversing in German. It was always more convenient for Tom.

She nodded her head. Of course Tom knew. He had walked into the kitchen one day, only to be greeted by Niki and Payal's hushed conversation about the very same thought. The twins had shut up but Tom didn't require the title of a genius to figure out what was going on. Besides Niki trusted him like she had her real brother.

"You're just like him. Only way more pervy." She'd explained to him one day, earning one of Bill's famous giggles.

They weren't speaking anymore but it felt like they had had an in – depth discussion. Niki sighed, ungluing her eyes from the rain that pelted on the other side of the glass.

"What am I supposed to do?" she asked Tom, sighing.

"What does your _soul _say?" he asked her. She closed her eyes once more, and the comfort Bill brought to her filled her vision. She shook her head.

"I'm 17…" she whispered. It was a fact that had shocked the boys. The girls had not shown one sign of still being in their teens. They're maturity level had seemed far beyond 20 year olds, even.

"It doesn't matter." Tom countered.

"What if…I don't want to do something wrong, I don't wanna hurt anyone. It's too much of a burden… too much pain for someone to lift off my shoulders. Its only unfair." Her eyes were still shut. Tom placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"How do you know?"

Her eyes flashed open. "I've faced enough to know how people react to life's experiences… at least MY life's experiences."

This was one part of her life she seemed unsure to share. She wouldn't know their reaction. Trust was not the issue, their reaction was. What if they reacted the same way as so many others had? She wouldn't be able to bear it.

"Where are the other two nutters anyway." She said when Tom didn't break the heavy silence. He snorted.

"They fell asleep on the sofa watching some kind of game show." He said, shaking his head.

"Typical." Niki said smirking.

"I know," Tom retorted, an identical smirk appearing on his face. Sometimes one wondered who the actual twins were. The only fact that separated them was that they could not communicate with their newfound siblings the way they could with their respective other halves. "Don't stress yourself…" he said, concerned once more. Niki rolled her eyes.

She got off the sill and stood up straight, saluting her brother of sorts. "YES SIR!" she said, firmly. Tom threw his head back and laughed as they walked down.

Where they found it harder to control their laughter.

Bill's mouth was slightly agape, as his head rested at an odd angle against the edge of the sofa. Niki held up one finger and motioned for Tom to follow her to the kitchen.

"Do we have whipped cream?" she asked him in between silent giggles.

"OOHHH yeah!" Tom said, excited as he comprehended the little prank they were about to pull.

They tip toed into the living room once more. Carefully, Niki bent low and positioned herself in front of Bill's sleeping form. She stopped for a minute, taking in the angelic beauty he seemed to posses; the way he glowed. But that was until Tom nudged her lightly in the shoulder blades. She lurched forward and narrowly avoided her own head crashing into Bill's just in time. She positioned the little nozzle at Bill's mouth and pressed down for a short while.

His reaction made her want to giggle harder.

He swallowed in his sleep, gulping down the sweet cream, and licked his lips. Tom had to cover her mouth to stop the maniacal giggles.

"Okay! Okay!" she mouthed. This time she sprayed the cream like shaving gel all over where Bill's 'beard' should be. The boy did not wake up, but buried his head deeper into the arm of the sofa.

A loud giggle escaped the girl's lips, waking the angel up.

He cracked open an eye and stared at her in light irritation. Bill hated being startled awake.

The irritation was light only till he noticed the cream.

For then it blew into fury.

Tom was now tugging a laughing Niki hard and fast out of the living room.

"NIKITA AJAY MEHTA!!" Bill screamed through the passage ways, as he ran after them. His twin and the love of his life ran in different directions. He decided he'd head for Niki first, as she clambered out into the backyard, standing in the rain, it was her last resort. Bill stopped at the backdoor, coking his head a little to the side; a devilish smirk appeared on his lips. He ran straight ahead, catching her around the middle from the back – causing her to give out a yelp of surprise. Abruptly he set her down, causing her to topple over onto the grass, where she rolled onto her back so as to get up. Bill stood there, hands on hips, and Niki had to laugh at the sight of the whipped creaming slowly slipping down his face. She rolled around the grass, laughing harder than she had ever done since the past week. After a long time she felt like herself again. Bill took in the sight, the beautiful girl – crinkly eyed as she laughed and squealed without realizing it. He crouched down next to where she was curled up on the grass.

"What's so funny?" he said softly.

Although her heart was thudding in her ears, laughter took control of it all.

"Have you _seen _your face?"

Bill seemed a little annoyed. "No." he answered.

"Well it looks like a skinny Santa whose beard is blowing away in the wind." She gasped in between giggles. Bill smiled; he had loved this feeling – the way he could make her laugh. It was a link to her own self that had gone missing with her family's death. But it was returning slowly. She had looked more radiant everyday compared to the broken girl who he had seen that night in the broken ballerina studio. He smirked as he realized what he wanted to do next. Gently, he poked her side with his index finger, smirking even more as it released yet another giggle from her. Soon his fingers were attacking her sides as he sat next to her in the rain. By the end of it all Niki was hurting and she felt like she had laughed hard enough to be incapable of singing till tomorrow afternoon. Tom and Payal had long taken a look at the two and walked away, shaking their heads as they went.

Bill lay on the grass next to her as a stray giggle escaped her lips every now and then. They stared into the rain and the clouds above their heads.

"Thanks." Niki whispered suddenly into the complete silence.

"For what?" Bill asked confused.

"Everything." She said simply, closing her eyes slowly.

"You're being silly about it again." Bill said, irritated, as he turned on his side and propped up his elbow, resting his head on his palm. Niki smiled a tiny smile and shrugged, allowing that.

"Bill! Niki! Come back in dears! Lunch is ready!" Simone shouted, waving at then from the house.

"Coming!" Niki called back as she got up, brushing away the mud that remained on the jeans Simone had bought for her the day she had been allowed to bring home the necessities. The clothes hadn't been a perfect fit, and once in a while you would find Bill frowning and complaining about how he could just alter them so that they looked better. Niki had only rolled her eyes and said – "I'm the girl not you.", causing Bill to fret even louder.

As Niki stepped into the house she froze, causing Bill to walk right into her. He caught her shoulder to steady himself.

"What?" he said, alarmed.

"Shit." She said rushing up the stairs. Paranoia took over Bill's heart once more – had he done something wrong? Had he hurt her?!

As he trailed into his own room, whose door had been left open in a hurry, he saw Niki rummaging until she found one of her black books. She flipped the pages in frenzy as she grabbed a pencil from the bedside table.

As he watched she scribbled onwards into her book, her hands almost a blur. After ten minutes of what seemed like an alarmed silence to Bill, she finally stopped and looked up, sighing and grinning.

He raised an eyebrow. She giggled.

"Eye – "she begun, pointing a finger at him

"NEIN!" he said, covering her mouth. He was still flabbergasted with the phrase he hadn't known his fans had come up with for his 'eyebrow raise' look. He gently removed his hand where it lay as Niki raised her hands in surrender.

"You wanna read?" she asked him, pushing the book tentatively towards him. "It's still a rough, and a scribble. It _might _just need editing." She continued nervously.

Bill picked up the little book reading in amazement, his smile growing with every second.

_Come here_

_Come by to me in the darkness_

_There's no fear_

_If there is come by when you suppress_

_The sorrow_

_The hate, regret_

_And borrow_

_Some of the sunshine_

_That filters through the holes_

_So come to me through the rain_

_Before the sun comes_

'_Fore your blood freezes._

_Please be careful, the pain_

_Is more than I can take._

_And I don't want to hide me again._

_Silence_

_The silence pressing down upon the wind_

_Violence_

_In every memory, memories can kill_

_The happiness,_

_The rain I sought_

_To remember._

_The eagerness_

_Everything's come back_

_Through a filter._

_So come to me through the rain_

_Before the sun comes _

'_Fore your blood freezes._

_Please be careful, the pain_

_Is more than I can take._

_And I don't want to hide me again._

_Of everything that I thought_

_Would give me peace of mind_

_Never counted a broken heart_

'_N Leaving it far behind._

_I'm afraid the puddles have taken_

_To reflecting their own designs._

_So come to me through the rain_

_Before the sun comes _

'_Fore your blood freezes._

_Please be careful, the pain_

_Is more than I can take._

_And I don't want to hide me again_

_Never again._

"It's beautiful." He whispered looking up at her, a smile playing on his face. His eyes sparkled more than usual. "You wanna record it?" he said, jumping lightly on the bed. She smiled at his childish happiness.

"Right now?" she asked.

"Sure!" he said.

"Okay…" she said as he grabbed her wrist, shouting down to Simone that they'd be eating a little while later. He pulled her back into a room that he hadn't visited all this while. As he pulled up short in the middle, she looked around her at all the instruments lying around; all the guitars lined up against the wall. She walked over to a piano in the far corner. Sitting herself down, her fingers begun to move expertly across the keys. Bill watched in utter shock and surprise as her eyes closed and the melody continued to flow. He sat down next to her with the black book. She opened her eyes and played the chord progression alone and then along with the melody.

And as she closed her eyes all over again he sang softly. As he finished singing the chorus she joined in, her soprano voice mingling with the velvet of his bass. Tom poked his head through the little door, smiling as he walked in, greeted by their twinkling eyes. He picked up one of his favourite guitars and begun to tune it quickly; he was soon joined by Payal, and he deftly picked up another guitar and offered it to her. She grinned broadly. Soon there was a two piece melody that floated through the house, pulling Simone in to. As the song ended she clapped, catching all four youngsters unawares.

"I didn't know you compose _that_ well too!" Simone said to the girls. The two looked at each other as they were pulled back to the moment.

"Time to spill a few beans." Payal whispered. Bill exchanged a confused glance with his brother.

Niki took a deep breath.

"We're in a band and already have a number one album out in Asia and Australia."

Tom almost dropped his guitar.

"And you didn't tell us this because?"

"Same reason you would rather not bring up Tokio Hotel in a conversation with anyone who appealed to you." Payal said simply.

"So… you came here because?" Tom was asking all the questions. Bill had gone quite stiff next to Niki.

"No, we came here for the exact reason we told you guys! Since we're basically unknown in Europe we decided we could take a trip here for vacation. The reason we chose Germany was that dad had an exhibition to attend to here. We helped him at the exhibition and after it was over we were moving from city to city. .." Niki said shrugging.

"Yeah, the only thing we didn't tell you guys – "

"Was that you're in a band that's uber famous back in Asia and Australia."

"Er, yeah." Niki said, looking scared at the way Bill seemed to have gone numb. Abruptly, he got up and walked out. Tom raised his eyebrows as he left the room.

"Shit." Niki muttered, trailing after him. "Bill!" she shouted as she ran up the stairs. She knocked on the door to Tom's room.

"I don't wanna talk." She heard Bill mutter through gritted teeth.

She walked in anyway.

"Bill I – "

"Why did you hide it from me?" he asked her. "You know I would never have taken it the wrong way. You know it." he whispered, his lips barely moving.

She started.

"Bill I – "she took a deep breath. "I know it now, I wouldn't have known it that very night would I?" she said gently. His lips pressed into a hard line.

"Bill I didn't want for us to – to be stuck like this in Germany, remember? So if it would have gone as – "

"You feel you're _stuck _here?" he said, hurt. Niki felt as though she was sinking with every passing second.

"That was before – "Niki begun, gently again.

"Before what?" he cut in. "I don't wanna even know right now." He said, walking out of the room. Niki sat there.

"_This is what I was scared of doing." _She whispered to the little room, a single tear slipping down her cheek.


	9. Chapter 9

Payal and Tom sat in utter silence. Payal no longer had the strength to look up. The guitar suddenly felt strange in her hands.

But she didn't realize Tom was only giving her time to recover.

"You angry?" she asked him tentatively. He sighed propping his guitar against the wall once again and pulled the startled girl into a hug.

"No." he whispered into her hair before letting go.

"It – "he sighed, "it's understandable." She only looked at him with guilty eyes.

"Bill however," he continued, "doesn't see that right now." Tom sighed once again, looking away as he remembered the darkness of his past, "he has a hard time trusting people because usually he gives it his all and everyone single time the person turns out to be either a fake or a liar." He said slowly. Surprisingly, Payal snorted.

"You sound like you just described Niki." Payal said, shaking her head as she sat back down.

"Wow." He breathed.

"Yeah. Top that off with being a loner…" Payal said sadly.

"What do you mean?" Tom asked alarmed.

Payal sighed.

"You and I at least have a memory to go back to when we feel alone. You can remember that person that made you giddy with joy once upon a time. You can smile at that memory; she has none of it." Tom could only feel the pain and numbness at her words. Payal continued – "people at our school never took a great liking towards her. She never gossiped. She never fit in with the ones who did hookah and gambled. On top of that she had a good grade. Having a good grade in our school instantly classifies you as geeky. She lost the few friends she had when some guy spread some rubbish about her. That's why we're just as connected as you and Bill – we always had each other no matter what."

"But then there comes a point where you need more than just your soul sister, and she never saw that side. You know the girl who sits and helps her friends get ready for a date? Or the girl who picks up the phone call when her friend's going through heartbreak? That's what she ended up being every single time. It hurt her so much that she stopped letting people in and accepted the fact that it couldn't possibly work out."

"But, she's not weird!" Tom said angrily. He knew he sounded like a 13 year old now, but it didn't bother him.

Payal smiled a tight little smile. "People at our school didn't think so. But then she gave it back to that little jerk." She said bitterly.

"But loneliness doesn't help." Tom whispered. Payal nodded.

"Exactly. She doesn't know how to react to Bill's feelings, his reactions for that very reason. She fears she'll hurt him in some way if she is herself. It's not like she's faking; its more like she doesn't want to let in on her life because – well maybe it might just change how you think of her. She doesn't want the pity and she never was a bitch. These are common misinterpretations of what has happened to her. When she let you or Bill anywhere close to her she surprised her and me completely. It's something she never really does anymore. Not many people _know_ her, if you know what I mean."

Tom stood there turning everything over. _It's crazy how much she kept inside of herself just to protect us from what she thinks is harmful. _He thought. And then it hit him – what she'd said earlier.

"What if…I don't want to do something wrong, I don't wanna hurt anyone. It's too much of a burden… too much pain for someone to lift off my shoulders. Its only unfair." Her eyes were still shut. Tom placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"How do you know?"

Her eyes flashed open. "I've faced enough to know how people react to life's experiences… at least MY life's experiences."

The words rung in his ears now.

One thought ran around his head.

"Bill NEEDS to know…" Tom said.

"He won't listen right now." Payal said in a soft voice.

"He'll listen to _her_."

"You think so?" Payal asked skeptically. Tom bobbed his head once in a nod.

"Positive." He said.

Chapter Thirteen

Upstairs Bill locked himself on the terrace of the house. His heart was breaking bit by bit, and then mending again as he thought of her. _How can I love her and be hurting at the same time? _He wondered as he smoked the first cigarette from the pack he had sneaked when his mother had been the slightest bit careless. He inhaled deeply, letting the smoke and the slight burn fill him up and then exhaled in a huff through his nose. Below Niki locked herself in the bathroom. She slumped down against the door as the tears flowed freely. _You hurt him! Why did you have to let it all go? Why didn't you listen? _Her own voice spoke to her. As she let her life swerve slowly into autopilot once more she brushed away the tears. _Don't let him again… he doesn't deserve the pain. Maintain your distance and then he can go back to life when you leave. It maybe a long time to keep your distance, but do it. _She thought to herself; willing herself to do it. But as soon as it started to sink she begun to shake her head in denial, and the tears began running again. Ever since she had been around him she had found it hard to follow along the carefully drawn lines she had made for herself. She had forgotten all about them. With him not only the pain of today, but the pain of yesterday melted away too. Sometimes she'd find herself thinking of him in ways which she never should have allowed herself to. She now cursed herself from letting herself go down the lane she'd promised to leave deserted.

_Knock knock knock._

"Niki? Are you in there honey?" Simone. Niki didn't want to have Simone have to take care of _her_ when her son was hurting _because _of her. She felt ashamed of herself.

"Yeah, um, I'm fine. I'll be out in a little. I guess I want to hit the showers right now…" Niki had always been a lousy liar. Her eyes and her tone always gave her away. If you knew the correct language, Niki was an open book.

"Honey…" Simone began, hesitantly.

Niki hastily got up, hitting her head against the door, and switched on the shower, barely managing to avoid cursing as she rubbed her head. _I brought this onto myself anyway…_ She scolded herself.

Up in the cold wet air Bill heard his mother make her way up the stairs. Bill knew what to do; he'd mastered the technique when he was younger. Tom and he had a habit of sneaking out into the city when they were bored since they had hit their teens. They were…_what was the word? _Bill wondered… _nocturnal! That's the one! _So as his mother neared the landing and the door, Bill leaped lightly into the night air.

He swiftly caught onto the first ledge that came as he fell. Although Bill had never been one for sports it had never meant that he couldn't do things like this. It was just one other of the million assumptions everyone had made. He hauled himself up; it took a great effort. He hadn't had to do this in years. As he stepped into his own room and swiftly closed the door, locking it securely, the pain tearing his heart grew. And yet it mended as instantaneously as it materialized. It baffled him.

"Niki!" he heard his elder brother call exasperatedly through the door. The pain was too much to bear; Bill opened the door just a crack, only to find his brother and sister of sorts standing in front of the bathroom door.

"You _have _to come out some time!" Tom said, trying to be gentle yet persuasive. He didn't fail entirely but it wasn't very successful. It hurt Bill to know that he felt a little smug at the fact that he knew exactly what would have eased her out of the pain, something Tom wouldn't be able to comprehend.

"Ugh, how is he going to know?" Payal said, anxiety coloring her words.

"How am I going to know what?" Bill said coldly, his tongue overtaking the better of him. Both figures turned to look at him as he opened the door further and stood there, his hands crossed in front of his chest. Payal walked in purposefully and Bill stared at her defiantly, Tom hesitantly following.

"Everything." She sighed as she shut the door.

Niki had skipped lunch altogether and, when dinner came around, she was to be found sleeping with a wet pillow in Bill's room. The shock, the pain that Bill had received with every sentence that Payal had uttered had long been lulled into wary guilt; urging them all down towards the steak that the boys' mother had cooked that night, as Gordon had finally been able to return home.

Questions were left unanswered at the dinner table, and Gordon's eyebrows pulled together at the guilty silence that followed when he enquired of the younger girl. Every now and then Bill would place his fork down, as if giving up, and then picked it up again as suddenly. The dog, which had not made much of an appearance, for she seemed a little intimidated by Tom ever since his return from the deathly storm, now lay her head on Bill's lap as she whined in low tones. She had been fond of the angel, where had the angel gone?

Eventually, that was after an hour of utter silence, or unfruitful conversation, Bill left his half eaten food in the sink as he made his way up the stairs and into his room. The angel lay there, curled up to her right; the tear tracks representing her broken wings. Bill felt like he'd ripped his own heart out. With soft foot falls he led himself to the head of the bed, where he crouched down low in front of her face that was frozen in pain even in her slumber. He touched her tear streaked cheek with gentle fingers, careful not to wake her up.

"I'm sorry." He murmured to the girl, who floated away in oblivion. He sat there, in front of her innocent face that seemed almost childish in oblivion. As he continued to stroke her face, he brushed away the tears. An hour, two, the night may have passed, but Bill wouldn't know it. He froze at some point, wherein she stirred ever so slightly, erasing the agony from her face, but replacing it with nothing but the mask of calmness. He bent low, placing his head on the pillow next to hers, whispering in her ear, hoping one day she'd hear it, that she'd want to hear it.

"Ich liebe du."

"Ich liebe du.", she heard him murmur in her ear. She was dreaming of him now, even. This was great, she thought. How much worse could it get? Numb yourself – she repeated even in her dreams. But she knew what she wished she could have said all along. The sentence she avoided by confusing her own self, telling herself she wasn't sure of what it was. Until today, where it had seemed like an epiphany, but in truth was an honest fact which held a sweet aftertaste. And as she banished her thoughts even in her dreams she whispered in her head – "I love you too."

Niki's stomach growled as the conscious welcomed her with a duller version of the sharp pain in her sleepy state. As she prepared herself to open her eyes and head downstairs for a quick glass of milk and maybe a few bites of whatever Simone had cooked her senses made her aware of the soft skin at the side of her face that did not belong to her at all. As she sat up gently she saw Bill's slumped form leaning against the bed. When did he come in? She asked herself. She brushed the thought aside as the heart wrenching pain hit her once more with full force as she looked at his angelic face and realized it could never be. She had broken his trust; there was no turning back anymore. She let her legs ale her down to the kitchen where she pulled out the carton of milk, pouring herself a generous amount and pulling out the tiniest piece of steak in the lot she gobbled it down.

"Someone's hungry."

She started. She'd recognize his voice anywhere.

"Yeah I - I fell asleep."

Bill could tell she was lying, just all the other times he could tell.

"Niki I'm - "

"Yeah, I know."

"You do?"

"Look I'll keep my distance don't worry." she said, her voice cracking just the slightest bit.

"No!" she looked up at him, "I'm sorry that I was such a jerk about it." he said, inching closer, reaching for her hand and catching it just as she tried to pull it away. He tugged, successfully pulling her into him. He held her close, savoring the way her skin felt on his.  
Although she tried from time to time to break free, Bill's grip only tightened.

After a long silence in which the only sound was the whispered apology uttered by Bill Niki spoke –

"Someone told you didn't they?" she whispered. Bill took a deep breath, refusing to utter a word. Niki sighed.

"Please don't pity and/or hate me. Please." she said in a small voice. Bill tightened his hold on his angel. Gently, he coaxed her face up with a finger; he let it wander at her cheek, brushing away the fresh tears.

"Never." he whispered, utterly serious.

"But you don't deserve this nonsense! I – "she sighed, still trying her hardest to let herself out of his embrace. For the first time Bill didn't comply. He only held on tighter.

"If you utter one more word about that crap I'll seriously be telling you…" he sighed, midway in his warning. Niki felt her heart race with those words. "…that you don't deserve the shit you got. You never did; life's cruelty displays itself once more, that's all." He said, loosening his grip ever so slightly and letting his tone slide into a gentle murmur in her ears so that he could look at her tear stricken face.

She smiled a watery smile, the tears still swimming in her eyes. Bill gently placed his thumb over them as she closed her eyes, brushing them away. Niki's stomach growled at that inopportune moment, disrupting the silence and causing a scowl to appear on Niki's face as Bill chuckled.

"Come here." He said, letting all of her go but her wrist. He guided her to the table sitting her down as he pulled out the plate of cold steak, picking up two large pieces and placing them onto another plate, which he placed in the microwave. Niki watched the revolving plate hungrily, making Bill laugh harder, earning him a scowl from her in return.

As he set the plate down in front of her she began to scarf the food down hungrily. Bill watched her from across the little table, not knowing whether he wanted to laugh or watch in childish wonder. She looked up as she stabbed the last piece of steak.

"What?" she successfully muttered coherently, unlike Tom who might just have sounded like a toddler if he were the one here.

Bill smiled fondly at her. "Nothing." He replied softly.

Niki blushed slightly in the dark. As reality had sunk in and she had identified exactly which way her heart and soul were heading she noticed things that she hadn't noticed before. Right now Bill's fond gaze was pushing her heart into frenzy. She still didn't know how to react. She was new to this side of herself. She had never been able to explore it. Bill was unaware of these thoughts and the colour staining her cheeks.

Niki stood up, placing the plate in the dishwasher along with the fork. She sighed, her hunger finally being satiated. That's when she realized Payal wasn't in the room when she had woken up. Her eyebrows pulled downwards and together.

"Where's Payal?" she turned to Bill. He smirked, walking towards her as he lightly took her hand.

"She's up with Tom." He said, smirk still place. Niki's eyebrows rose up till in the darkness Bill could barely see them anymore.

Payal and Tom sat in his room as they watched the movie they had just rented online.

Evidently Tom was interested in watching an Indian movie just to get their mind off things, and so, after a long argument consisting of the language barrier discussion, they both sat there on his bed, cross-legged and intently watching the subtitled movie. Tom had picked off one called "_Rang De Basanti_".

It was meant to be serious but Tom was in no mood to watch a romance storyline where they had the same cheesy pick up lines all along. But as the three hour movie had proceeded the duo couldn't help but pause the movie to pull out a few blankets, and now sat closer to each other than they realized.

Occasionally Tom would pester Payal about a Hindi word or phrase that seemed unclear as a translated German subtitle, and as she turned once more to explain a swear word that the actress had uttered she realized how close she sat to the boy who had had her quite sometime; a fact that she hid even from Bill, only Niki would know, being twins as they were.

As she turned Tom couldn't help but realize how beautiful this dark skinned girl was; how little distance remained between their faces and for a moment the movie was all but forgotten, until Payal realized that she was openly ogling at the boy and turned away. Tom felt a pang, and the dull flow of am electric current that he always felt around her seemed to have increased ten fold. They sat in silence, Tom no longer following the subtitles in movie, suddenly aware of the arm that brushed against his own as it peeked through another blanket. Soon the awesome movie was over, Payal turned to him but before she could utter "So, you liked it?" and return to the scanty small talk, Tom had coaxed her chin up gently, trusting only his heart as he kissed her deeply. He heard her sigh in contentment and his heart leapt with a joy he had never known he was designated to feel in all his life. The feel on her lips on his, on his _lip ring_ was driving him crazy, and his thought processes were suddenly in a mess as the unbelievable happiness that they both felt engulfed them. As they broke away the silence in which they tentatively smiled at each other was not awkward, but rather fulfilling. He stroked her uplifted cheeks as she smiled like he had never seen her smile before, and pulled her closer, resting her head on his chest as he buried his own head in her midnight hair.

For this seemed like a night of sweet endings to Tom Kaulitz.

"They just _hooked_ up!" Niki said, snickering.

"OK, if they start making freaky noises I'll really bash both of their heads in!" Bill said in mock disgust. The duo had been sitting up as their twins' emotions flooded their minds. An involuntary giggle escaped Niki, tempting Bill to tickle her once again, thus ending in a full blown tickle – fight; by the end of it all the both of them lay on the bed with their legs dangling down the opposite sides. Their faces close to each other. They turned to look at each other ever so often, and when they did laughter would bubble all over again.

"Tomorrow is gonna be a day of sorts." Bill said after they had finally put a stopper to the crazed laughter. "The two love struck idiots, and you have to make a phone call to your two... band members." Bill continued, frowning as the ghost of the pain stabbed him once more.

"Sorry; really." She muttered from next to him. He could hear the pain, the regret in her voice.

"Don't be." He sighed, "I should have heard you out before acting silly like I did." He said, slipping his hand into hers, and they lay there over her stomach. Something had vanished with the whole episode. _Shyness, maybe?_ They both wondered. It seemed like they had an understanding about themselves and each other which had never been present before.

As they drifted into a thoughtful silence the thought that jumped up more than ever – although that may have been a product of their twins' feelings – was their own bond. They both turned it over in their heads, unknown to the other's thoughts.

Morning came and went, and as consciousness drifted closer to Niki she woke up to find Bill's face buried in her hair just a little way above her own face. His fingers, still entwined with her own, exerted the slightest pressure as he stirred slowly, waking up himself.

"Erm…" she whispered to herself as the few strands of hair that had landed on her face blew away as she spoke. She gently slid her hand away from his, getting off the bed as softly as she could to avoid much movement and wake up the angel. She stretched as she walked quietly into the bathroom, splashing her face with water and brushing her teeth.

A bird chirped outside the window in Bill's room, and the boy finally cracked open an eye to find Niki gone. He sat up sleepily, rubbing his eyes with his fists like a little child.

Down the corridor Payal snuggled further into Tom's chest. They'd fallen asleep where they sat. Tom sighed in his sleep, making a few strands of the girl's hair brush against his cheek, causing his skin to tickle.

No one had imagined the house would finally one day wake up to completion, to happiness, to peace.

And a slight shock on the morning news.

As the smell of waffle wafted through the air, the house slowly begun to truly wake up; Bill and Niki, who had been sitting on the sill of the window wondering exactly what the Indian media might shower them with, flew down as they warm aroma wafted from the little space below the door. Tom and Payal stirred lightly where the lay in each other's arms, and Gordon flipped the pages of the newspaper he'd painstakingly been able to bring.

"Guten morgen!"Gordon said from where he sat at the little table in the kitchen. Evidently the children appeared in pairs.

Niki yawned involuntarily as she raised the hand that Bill had been holding in an attempt to wave at the man, but now she used it to cover her mouth. Bill and Gordon chuckled identical chuckles.

Tom and Payal were both stumbling down the stairs, evidently trying to walk through the small doorway together, until they finally walked in one after the other.

Bill snickered, whispering low in Niki's ear.

"Watch."

He looked back up at the 'couple'.

"Aren't you gonna tell?" he said from the living room, his eyes wide and innocent. Niki laughed into the sofa's back. Gordon's eyebrows rose in Tom's direction as the latter gulped down the milk straight from the carton, ignoring his mother's warning. Payal giggled as Tom waved a hand randomly in the air as he drank.

"Tell what?" Simone, hands on hips as she turned to take the plate Niki had just cleared.

"Oh… No, I shouldn't." Bill said, turning away in mock nervousness, "Tom will tell you." He continued, nodding his head at his mother enthusiastically. She just looked at Tom, then at Bill, muttered something about the two of them being crazy and turned away.

Niki laughed harder onto Bill's shoulder as he picked up the remote and flipped to one of the news channels. Today was the first day after the storm that they were airing the news channels once again, hence enlightening everyone on the scenario.

"And now – Kaulitz boys find love through the monsoon?"

Tom choked on the milk.

"What the fuck?" Niki said, not bothering to mind her language around the two adults anymore.

"Niki!" Simone said shocked.

But that was until she walked in and saw the news herself.

"That's right. The boys were found exiting a broken ballet studio - where they had evidently taken shelter in the storm – with two young girls. They were reported to be leaving the area in one of their security's cars and a few people reported they headed straight to their home. Bill Kaulitz was even found with one of the –"

Bill shut off the TV, cutting off the German news telecast.

"Of _all_ those people injured over there, of _all_ the casualties, they wanna talk about two of the boys from _Tokio Hotel_?" Niki said incredulously.

"That's stupid ass German media for you." Bill said bitterly, gently stroking her back to calm her down. And even in the heat of the moment, Niki felt goose bumps rise up her arms at the unusual contact.

"Are you _really_ upset?" he asked her after two minutes of heated silence.

"Nein, I was just shocked they could be that harsh. I mean, people died out there!" she choked out.

"I know." He murmured low in her ear, stroking her arm now. And Niki was able to control herself and her tears like the many times she could when he held her close.

"But, well, that statement isn't _half _a lie." Tom said, and Niki could hear the smirk in his voice. Payal punched his shoulder playfully.

"What do you mean?" Simone said sharply.

"Er…" Tom begun, now scared of his mother's reaction.

"They hooked up last night." Niki said innocently as she looked up at the woman who at this point most resembled her mother. Simone gasped.

"We didn't _hook up!_" Tom said hastily, "We're – we're going out!" He said, his eyes widening in terror.

"We are?" Payal said, playing along, her tone coloured with mild surprise. Simone giggled.

"I am a good actor!" she said, as she walked back into the kitchen.

"Mutti!" Tom whined, watching her go back as his two other siblings snickered along with his new 'girlfriend'.

"We aren't dating." Payal said, as he sat cross legged on the carpet. She wagged a finger in his face. "You haven't asked me yet!" she said, laughing at the scowl he now wore.

"Fine… Oh mein Gott this is _SO_ weird… Payal will you go out with me?"

"Fine." She said carelessly, not even looking at him. He rolled his eyes, tugging on her hand and making her trip from where she sat on the edge of the sofa and down onto the ground.

"Ow…" she said, rubbing her back. Tom snickered.

"Are you getting sick of this already or what?" Bill asked Niki, earning a hit upside the head from his brother. "HEY!"

"You deserved that one." Payal said.

"No he didn't!" Niki said defiantly.

"Be happy we aren't the cheesy mess types." Payal said to her younger sister, who rolled her eyes.

"Not _yet._ I haven't forgotten the previous dude. What was he called again? Oh yeah Ra –" but she didn't get to finish as Payal's hand clamped down hard on her mouth. Niki giggled.

"Now you know what you two look like!" Niki said to the two boys as soon as Payal let go. The duo just threw their heads back and laughed at the two girls – the older one standing over the younger one with her hands on her hips, whereas the latter looked up at her with an almost childlike innocence.

But on the inside Bill couldn't help but wonder how she would react if he told her.

But when would that time come?


	10. Chapter 10

Bill had been shocked into a bit of a daze. But that was only until Niki waved a wary hand in his face.

"Hello? Mister? You there?" she said, sounding amused.

"Yeah… yeah I'm here." He said, still sounding dazed. Suddenly he felt he had not wanted to tell her how he felt as bad as he did now.

"Um… Bill… can you stop staring at me funny?" Niki said. Bill's head snapped and, blinking, he realized it had been quite a while and Tom and Payal had apparently chosen to sit on the terrace and in the rain. Bill's eyes traced the stairs, and then his head turned to look at the angel next to him. Suddenly, the dog padded through the little kitchen door, barking happily as she saw Niki sitting there. The angel was back! She pounced on the girl, and they both tumbled onto the carpet. Niki laughed as the golden ball of happy fur leaped onto her.

"Hey there sweetheart." She said scratching the back of the dog's ears, who in turn barked happily, her tail wagging faster than before, if that were ever possible. Niki sat up slowly, looking into the face of this angelic human. The dog placed her head on the angel's lap and closed her eyes while her tongue hung out. Niki chuckled, but then looked up again at the serious face of the only boy she'd ever truly loved.

"Bill what's wrong?" She asked, bending to peer into his face, for he was now staring at his lap.

"What happens when you leave?" he whispered, slowly looking up at her. Niki had dreaded this conversation, for it had felt like creating a mini black hole inside her.

"Bill…"

"What happens?" he whispered. She started. She did not want to give him the answer. She knew everything would go awry if she ever let it slip how she felt. She knew when she left she would leave so as to let him live his life as before. This was one of the reason she had not wanted to stay here.

"It means I'll have to go." She said quietly, trying to sidestep the truth, trying to save herself from the hurt. But the little slit near her heart only seemed to widen.

His eyes widened just the slightest bit. She went on.

"It means you may have to go back to the old rout – " but she never finished, for he had leaned forward to hug her. A month and a half had already flown past. Everything had been fantastical. _But only for now. _Bill thought.

Niki was turning over everything in her head. She had no idea where today was heading. One moment they were having a heated rapid fire, and the next he was holding her close like he had only that first day, when he had carried her up those stairs.

Ironically, he chose to do the same thing now.

Niki yelped along with the dog as he suddenly lifted her up, rushing up the flight of stairs and into the little room.

"What the - ?" she said as he lay her down on the bed and sat on the edge on her right.

"I'm gonna miss you." He whispered in a whisper that was barely audible. Niki sighed, sitting up and crossing her legs.

"Bill - please don't make it harder." She said. She had no idea where she got the courage from; she didn't know how she managed to utter those words.

But Bill didn't say a word. He only sat there, staring down at the mattresses. _2 weeks_. The words ran through his head, running in a circle – the single strip of thought that mattered. Minutes passed and neither said a word to each other.

"Can I hold you?" Bill asked suddenly as he looked up. His voice was quiet. Niki started, but gave a slight nod. Almost instantly his arms went around her waist and below her folded legs as he picked her up and shifted his full weight onto the bed. He gently placed her on his own skinny legs, hugging her close to his body. Niki did not know how to react. She had never been held this way before. It was just too new and awkward yet fitting for her to produce any kind of reaction at all.

They stared into different directions for what seemed forever. Finally Niki raised her eyes to the door. A slight crease pulled on her forehead. The light outside had darkened. The night was settling in. Like the million heart wrenching times before Bill begun to pull away, giving her space to get up from where she sat.

But she just looked back down at her hands and sat where she was.

The urge was overwhelming, it was something Niki kept a secret and Bill tried hard to leave alone.

But tonight it was not going to happen.

So they both turned to each other's faces, not sure how to pull through. Their noses bumped into each other and Niki grinned in embarrassment.

But Bill had had enough. His lips covered the two inches space that lay between their faces. Niki sighed as their foreheads collided just the same instant as their lips did. Their fingers entwined as their hearts gently filled with love.

Before either of them knew it they fell onto the bed. They broke away, laughing like 13 year olds, and then, abruptly broke off mid – laugh, staring intently at each other before breaking into broad grins. Bill stroked his angel's face and before she knew it she was blushing. A smile crept up her lips as she looked away and Bill had to laugh at the sight. Her eyebrows pulled back together and she stuck out her tongue, getting up from where she lay next to him on her left side. But he caught her hand and yanked, pulling her back down. She landed in a heap, with a yelp, and her hair spilt across her face. Bill begun brushing it aside with gentle hands, but started as she lifted her head, shaking it violently, smiling at him like a little kid when she successfully shook away all of it, causing it to arrange itself in a dark halo around her face. Bill giggled, brushing away the lone strand that had managed to stay still in front of her eyes, leaving her skin tingling from his touch

Not a single word had passed between the two and yet they had enjoyed the most innocent conversation.

He stroked her face gently once more, this time with both hands. The silence continued.

Their fingers united once again and lay in the little space between them on the bed. Abruptly Bill pulled her close, his eyes shutting as he rubbed his nose gently against hers. She wrinkled her nose as his dreadlocks fell onto her face, tickling the skin, and he smiled. He ran his hand slowly, softly, through her long hair as her head settled deeper into the side of his neck, their hands lying entwined near her cheek.

"Good night?" he whispered, amused. She snorted.

"Hardly; more like…I don't know – good day? Or how about the day the two idiots were enlightened?" he laughed at the sarcasm in her words, kissing the top of her head as he held her close.

"Jumbie!" he whisper – shouted, giggling.

"You lost her yesterday in the wind in the backyard… _Along_ _with your sanity._" Niki sighed, shaking her head and causing her hair to spill across Bill's face.

"So that means I get to play with you?" he asked innocently, rolling on top of her gently – hovering high above her, suggesting nothing at all; but the mischief glinted in his eyes.

"Don't. Even. Think about it." she said, lifting herself up on her elbows to wink at him before she threw back her head and laughed at the child – like happiness she saw on his face.

"How many skittles did you have anyway?" she asked him, her eyes unable to look anywhere but his beautiful golden – brown irises, as they lay next to each other once more. She wagged a finger playfully in his face.

"Umm…" he said, trying to keep track of her long finger dancing in front of his face.

"Too many, that's how many! You're high." She whispered in his ear, giggling slightly.

"I'm cracked anyways." He said shrugging.

"No more than usual." She said, snorting, as she buried her head once more near the soft skin of his neck. He lifted her chin with his index finger.

"I love you." He whispered, kissing her deeply as his arms slowly went back around her waist. Her arms snaked around his neck, stroking the little tattoo at the back and earning a soft moan from him, sending her heart into frenzy.

"NIKI!" Payal shouted from the top of the stairs, causing the couple to jump and pull away.

"WHAT?" the angel shouted, irritated to be interrupted. Bill chuckled at her impatience, and her expression softened the slightest bit as she proceeded out the door, trailing Bill along by his hand.

"TOM ATE SIMONE'S CAKE!" Payal shouted, hands on hips – irritation painted on her dark features. Niki stood there flabbergasted.

"_THAT'S _WHAT YOU CALLED ME OUT FOR?" Niki shouted irritated. Just then Tom walked up from behind Payal - with his mouth covered in icing - snaking his hand around her waist. Both boys smirked at each other.

"Er, yeah?" Payal said, scared.

"You're dying you – "

"Later." Both boys said in unison as they dragged the two sisters away from each other. Niki turned around to face Bill, agitated that he would stop her from running after her twin, but he would not have it. He simply rested his chin in the crook of her neck.

"Fine." Niki muttered, folding her arms across her chest. Bill chuckled.

"So childish." He mock chided her.

"_You're _saying that?" she said as she finally managed to turn around, and have Bill's arms holding her close at the same time. He only threw his head back and laughed.

The door clicked shut downstairs.

"We're back!" Gordon shouted. But the two didn't have a care in this world at the moment –

But only until Tom made them jump.

"You two – down for dinner."

It was too solemn an invitation, and Bill hugged his angel close as he read the panic in her eyes. He kissed her forehead softly and led her down by the hand. They stopped suddenly at the landing, surveying all the serious faces before them. Payal's eyes were shut tight and her face was blank. Bill squeezed Niki's hand lightly as she looked up at him, alarmed.

"Niki…" Simone walked a few steps ahead hesitantly. "Honey, they – "

"Oh, nein. Nein..." She whispered, sinking to the floor as she felt guilt sweep her along with realization – how had she forgotten?

_No. _Bill thought to himself. _No._

He could not loose her. He just couldn't.

It was too much too bear.

An hour ago Niki had asked to leave immediately for identification through gritted teeth. It had been too much for Bill to bear; to see her break, to see her falter just when she was doing fine. And he had sat in the little car, holding he hand, as Tom drove with Payal riding shotgun. The four had chosen to go it alone. She had not said a word; she hadn't even looked at him. She had only shifted her weight slightly when he had slipped his hand into hers. The silences, her careful behavior made him want to scream out loud for the world to leave it's cruelties behind for once. And then he had waited till she was sure she could handle anyone else in the room. He walked into the little chamber now, only to find her shaking as she slid her mother's glassy eyes shut. Bill found it oddly mesmerizing how much his angel looked like her mother. He swallowed hard, not allowing himself to revel in the possibility of what she would have been like. He stood there, rooted to the spot, until she looked up.

She whispered, her voice breaking his name in half –

"Bi-ll."

"_Bi-ll."_

Her voice cracked through the silence and, heart breaking as he watched her crash and burn, Bill bent down as he hugged her shaking frame.

"I'm such a wreck." She whispered, hiccupping into his chest.

"Shh" he begun singing the song that she had written, and whose melody they had composed not two days ago. Spare by spare second her shaking slowed and, finally, stopped altogether. Her hands balled into fists on her chest.

"I think its time for Payal to come in." she said, through gritted teeth again. Bill held her tighter for a second, and then let her go as he walked out to slowly bring his sister into the little, poorly lit, chamber.

There was nothing to say, and that was it. They spoke nothing as they looked over at their dead family, they spoke nothing on the ride back home, and they spoke nothing at the late, overdue dinner. In fact it wasn't until Bill sat next to Niki, who lay curled up on the bed with her back to him, that the latter let out a strangled, completely involuntary sob.

Automatically Bill's hand curled around her, and he pulled her close; but she resisted and quieted down again. He sighed, sliding down and lying next to her curled up form. Gently, he touched her arm.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. His brow furrowed.

"Wha – "

"No. Let me finish. I'm sorry for putting you through shit." He winced at her words. "I'm sorry that I'm such a freaking broken wreck of a person. I wish you and I didn't feel the way we did so that you didn't have to live this drama. I wish – I wish…" her voice broke, and she could speak no longer. Bill lay there frozen, and with all the effort he could put in, he turned her around and held her far below as he hovered over her frame. He stared fiercely into that tear stricken, mesmerizing and beautiful face.

"If you. Ever. Say that. Again. That will be. The end of me." He said, breaking the sentence into many as he spoke through gritted teeth. "Just because things aren't perfect or happy now that doesn't mean I won't stick around. What kind of silly notion was that?"

"I just – Life's sucking big time right now, and I wish I could get over it. But then I just feel so – so _guilty! _It – I can't even describe it any longer! It's so frustrating all my thought processes are jammed up and that's nearly always resulting in a breakdown no matter how hard I try to hold it in. Ugh, sometimes I just wish I could numb my brain, or my memory, or those _images that just won't go away._" She said, throwing her free arm up in frustration. His face softened, and he lay next to her once more, holding one of her hands gently in both of his.

"It's perfectly normal to feel like shit." He said softly, and she let out an involuntary giggle at his terminology, causing him – in turn – to smile fondly as he rolled his eyes dramatically.

"I just wish I didn't have to keep ranting at you." She said sheepishly.

"I just wish you would stop feeling like shit at the most irrelevant of matters."

"Your vocabulary is growing."

"Please don't try and avoid the topic. And yes, it is. Thank you."

She sighed. He was too quick. And he always knew when something was up. It was impossible to hide something from him – not only because he knew her all too well, but because she never wanted to hide anything from him.

"Okay, okay!" she said, sighing in surrender. He only smiled. "From now on I solemnly swear that I am up to no good and that I shall avoid being like Kreacher, the Blacks' house elf, who mopes for no reason whatsoever. Does that do the trick for you?"

"You've read just too much Harry Potter," he said shaking his head, and then shifting closer to her yet curled up figure. "And the moping part is irrelevant. Again."

"Blah!" she exclaimed in response to the latter half of his statement. Then – "Book nerds!" she exclaimed in a completely bored voice. He chuckled.

"That's the one."

"I think I am going to be insanely hyper in no more than fifteen minutes." She said happily, and a little childishly.

"No more than usual?" he asked.

"No more than usual." She agreed. They both chuckled.

"Brit vocabulary." They both said together, and then giggled.

"Ya'll are idiots." Tom said from the other side of the closed wooden door, causing them to giggle harder.

"So are you." The both of them heard Payal say.

"Agreed." The duo whispered to themselves, and Bill planted a soft kiss on his angel's lips.

"Mmm." She said, as he pulled her closer. He pulled away just as she hummed again in appreciation.

"You are _such _a kid." He said incredulously. Her eyes narrowed.

"Says the kid himself." She retorted in irritation. He smirked. "You complete idiota." She continued in a Spanish grandma accent.

"You know Spanish for idiot isn't so hard to figure out."

"I know. That's why I used it!" she said brightly.

He hit her lightly with a pillow.

"Shh! Or mummy'll find out you're the girl!" she said, false panic in her voice.

"Hey!" he said, holding her wrists together. "Cheater cheater!" he said, laughing along with her as he did.

"You wanna know something?" she said softly, stroking from the bridge of his nose to the tip slowly.

"What?"

"I love you too." She whispered, looking away as she blushed. He smiled into the crook of her neck, and kissed it.

"Trust is all it takes." He whispered. She turned her head as he lifted his and their eyes locked once more.

"Come on," he said lightly, "let's bug the shit out of the twin love birds." She giggled as he caught her wrist and they tiptoed out of the room as they whisper – shouted;

"Tom!"


	11. Chapter 11

"Ugh, fools." Tom whispered more to himself than anyone else as he glowered over his shoulder. The glower faltered as a little popcorn bounced of his nose. He heard to sets of giggles coming from somewhere in the back of the hall, where he had been sitting watching TV and Payal had fallen asleep with her head rested on the arm of the sofa. He had dared not switch on the light, for he feared his Mutti would wake up. He turned back to the Scrubs re run he had been so surprised to find on German television at this late an hour. He expected dirty things. A lot of dirty things. As he watched episode in exasperation another popcorn hit him in the little hollow at the back of his head.

"Shh." Bill whispered to Niki as she giggled once more. He placed a firm but gentle hand on her mouth, and now her muffled but fully formed giggles could be heard.

"He's getting ready for the catch the idiots phase." Bill whispered in mock horror, knowing that she would giggle harder. And she did – losing control, causing her head to bump in his shoulder which caused them both to fall out of the crouch they were sitting in and lie in a heap on the floor.

"Silly." Bill whispered as he tried unsuccessfully to put a stopper to his own giggles.

"AHA!" a voice whisper shouted at the two, seemingly towering high above them. Tom.

"Uh – oh." Niki managed between unsuccessfully stifled giggles. Tom only shook his head as he crouched low himself. Then, smirking a smirk that he shared with his twin, he showered his sister with the self same mound of popcorn that had befallen him.

"Cheater!" she said, irritated as she pulled out the last bit of popcorn that had decided to lodge it's buttery self into her hair.

"Tit for tat." Tom said simply.

"Did you just use an actual English saying?"

"What can I say. You're rubbing of on me." Tom said sarcastically.

Niki only rolled her eyes as she accidentally leaned into Bill, whose arms wound her waist to prevent them both falling.

"Oh." She huffed as she tried to move. But both of the boys just sat there.

"Really how are you?" Tom asked, the mockery in his voice banished.

"I'm…fine, I guess." Niki said shrugging.

"Is she?" Bill asked her quietly as he rested his head in the crook of her neck. Niki thought it over for a minute.

"It takes…well it takes longer for Payal to accept things. She doesn't show it. She has a habit of burying unwanted memories deep within. She – she'll take a bit more time." Niki said, her shoulders slumping as she realized the truth in her own words. Tom stroked her head, and in that moment he seemed more like her elder brother than he had ever done. As Niki started at the newly found safety she felt in happiness and love Bill ran his hands over her shoulders, easing out the tensed stance she had taken up.

"The mood shifts fast." She said suddenly.

"Yep!" Tom said. She smiled.

"But it's all good." It was a statement, but both the boys had the need to answer it.

"It's definitely better than good."

"Okay." She said simply, and then yawned involuntarily.

"It's nearly morning," Tom said looking at his watch, "think you need to sleep."

"Yeah I" she yawned again. Tom laughed lightly, with every passing moment he was surprising Bill and Niki – he was definitely more brotherly than he had ever been.

"Ok, good night sis." He said as she slowly got up, stretching lightly and avoiding hitting Bill's face.

"Good night both of you." She said, walking quickly across the hall to the stairs.

"Wait – what?" Bill said confused.

"You both haven't sat alone together for ages." She said quietly, yawning as she continued back up the stairs.

"But – " Bill started; only too late. She'd gone up.

"So," Tom started, rounding on his brother with worried eyes, "is she really ok?"

Bill stared at his brother, responding just when Tom was going to question his sanity, "Yeah, she's better. It's taking a little all-too-crazy breakdown days, but yeah." He looked at Tom some more. "When did you turn into the responsible elder bro?"

Tom shrugged. "I didn't even know that's what I was. Just happened. Freaky, huh?"

"Not exactly. Not for us." And by 'us' it was clear he meant the girls.

"You know what I'm struggling with?" Tom said.

"What?"

"The fact that we live on different continents."

There was a pause in which Bill dealt with the reality. Suddenly he had an inkling of what the 'frustration' Niki spoke about might be.

"Ah."

"Yup."

"You know what, I'm just gonna drop of to bed."

"Yeah no need to talk when you can understand your twin perfectly anyways." Tom said, a smirk pulling on his lips as he walked over to where Payal slept soundly and shook her gently. But Bill was gone already.

He ghosted through the house, opening the door to his little bedroom to find Niki folding a dry set of clothes and placing them in a drawer in the corner. She looked up, catching his eye.

"Done so soon?" she asked, her eyebrows pulling together. Bill shrugged as he sat down on the bed and kicked of the shoes he'd forgotten to remove last night. Suddenly the room was flooded by a ghostly red light as the sun dawned on the world.

"He knows what I know already." He said.

There was a long pause as Niki stared out at the red rays that penetrated the thin curtains.

"What is it?" Bill asked, scooting to the side of the bed to catch her hand.

"Something's wrong out there…" Niki muttered, squinting as if the image before her was blurred.

"What do you mean?" Bill asked, unsure.

"I mean something's – something's _lurking _out there, just waiting."

"For what?" Bill whispered.

"N - no idea." She whispered as she looked away from amber and into dull gold. He patted the space next to him on the bed and she sat down willingly enough.

"But we're fine." He said. It was a statement. She squinted once more. Bill had learnt never to doubt her gut feelings; she'd always followed them, and they'd always helped her in life.

"Yes we are." She said in finality, before curling up on the bed and closing her eyes, only to look like a little child.

"Good." Bill said, lying down next to her and burying his head in the strands of her deep brown hair that splayed all across the two pillows that lay squished and pudgy on the narrow bed. Her eyes opened, and she started slightly as she found herself looking straight into Bill's face.

"I can't sleep." She muttered, turning the other way round as if to hold on to her tiredness.

"Me neither. It's the kind of sleep that vanishes when you put your head down isn't it?"

"Yup."

"Yeah that one's pissing off."

"Huh." She said as she chuckled lightly.

"So what now?" Bill asked quietly. Niki had known this was going to come along today. She straightened out on her back on the little bed as Bill curled up and buried his head under the edge of his pillow; but just enough so that he could see what happened. Niki let her hands move above her, flexing her muscles to create graceful little movements against the pinkish yellow glow in which the room basked.

"I guess I'll take a few days to get things in order. And then… go back for at least a month…" she whispered, musing out loud

"A month?" Bill whispered, a little scared of what that might do to him.

"Bill Hindu rituals are not the same as Christian ones remember? The rites and all of that stuff takes longer. Essentially a month is the minimum I need to stay there…"

"To support family." He completed. She grimaced. "What?" he asked her.

"We… disowned them." She said in a tiny voice.

"You what?" Bill asked a little shocked.

"Disowned them; they were hardly any family. They despised my mum and treated my brother like shit. My mum, dad and my siblings and I were never really respected. It's true we stay in touch. I still do love my cousins and a few of my relatives are still my relatives, but the rest of it wasn't worth the hassle. It's never been worth the hassle since my grandma's condition's been worsening. I have to go back though. Disowned or not, I still need to be there – because by the end of the day they're part of my blood and my childhood – a part of my life."

"Good." Bill said with finality.

"You're not angry are you? I have so much to tell you, but it seems time and patience are running out on me."

"No, I get it. I know it takes time. It's fine. But, I wish I could come back with you." He added the last bit in a whisper. She sighed.

"Bill I don't think they're all going to be dandy about that at the moment. Your appearance is not exactly what they all would call 'presentable' or 'normal'." She said, making quotation marks around the two words.

He muttered something unintelligible under his breath. She exhaled in a huff.

"Bill, any other time I wouldn't have cared less but – "

"I know; it's just – you'll be gone for so long you'll have me worried with you being your little paranoid self." He said, smiling slightly, and then yawning involuntarily.

"I think I should do fine." She said, sniffing as if she was hurt and then winking at him. He smiled.

"Silly." He mock chided her.

Chapter Twenty

"Tom!" both the girls whined as the boy threw yet another fluffy pillow into the suitcase lying in front of them. Niki immediately went back to the phone call that she had been keeping up for the past half hour.

"…yeah do that. I don't want grieving fans etc loitering around the house. And ask everyone whose going to be present to make a phone call to Cole so that he knows who to let in, but first tell him to confirm the names with me. And have the – the – yeah have they reached there yet?" she asked, her voice shaking in the end, and Bill looked up to make sure she was fine; he knew she was talking about her dead family who the German officials had been sure to transport back home to India immediately after identification, where all the rites had already begun. "…okay, okay. That's fine then. Remember I'm landing tomorrow and I don't want any hassle. Keep the media at bay before they scare the bejeezus right outta me and Payal. Yeah, 'kay will do. Okay then see you tomorrow… yes I'll take care of me." She added the last bit as she rolled her eyes. She snapped the cellular phone shut. It was a disposable device, just to make sure the paparazzi don't begin 'snooping' as Niki like to say.

"Okay, so the tickets are done with, so is the luggage – " she glared at Tom, who shuffled over to remove the fluffy pillow he had dunked into the suitcase once again – "and security is done with. What are we missing?" she asked the other three. Bill and Tom looked at each other.

"We're missing the introduction to four people." Bill said, skipping happily over to the little landline that lay below in the hall.

"Ja könnte euch heimlich zu ihr?"

"Ja, sehr gute."

Niki raised an eyebrow in the bedroom upstairs, from where everything could be heard. Simone peeked into the little room and winked.

"O – kay…" Niki said, feeling a little more than freaked.

"Just shut up and wait." Tom said smiling.

Niki looked up at the stars, and in the silence she could feel the coldness of the floor beneath the thin mattress, and Bill's hands running their way through her hair. Today had been consumed with meeting Georg, Gustav, Andi and Stella. So by the end of it, Niki had decided to crawl into bed as she clutched her stomach after all the laughing.

Bill had never had to worry less. Everything had been fine. As far as he knew Niki was recovering; slowly but steadily. And that was good. So then, after a day of mostly talking to people he included in his little group called 'family', Bill decided he'd rather sit upstairs with her while he could.

He watched as her hands stretched out slowly above her and moved in little patterns against the rich blackness of the sky, the stars seeming like a million tiny torches as the moon shone, proving to be the only spotlight that trained itself on Earth.

"Why is it gonna take a month?" he asked her out of pure curiosity, and her body turned so that she lay curled up next to him.

"Because… well Hindus cremate their loved ones' mortal shells."

"They do?"

She nodded, "There are basically thirteen days of mourning, during which we wear only white. Since I couldn't go through that hassle her and trouble Simone I made do with light colored clothes, if you noticed. You aren't supposed to eat home cooked food, or keep home cooked food either, but since I wasn't at home – in the sense where my family lived – that was fine. But they won't cremate the body without us. It's always the eldest male descendant or blood relative that brings about the first fire. And then we usually let the ashes loose in a sacred river or other flowing water body." There had been no tears shed as she spoke about it all, and Bill sensed it was ok for just one more question.

"Why do they cremate the bodies?"

"It's cause in Hinduism it's believed when one's mortal shell is destroyed and that person's possessions removed it's easier for the respective souls and the living relatives to move on." She said, looking into his eyes.

"You'll be ok?" he whispered after a while as he unconsciously finger combed her hair.

"I hope so." She whispered back. He didn't say anything. "I just… I'm a little scared, and yet I feel fine… which scares me more… and then I remember my granddad, when he passed away… it just randomly comes back. I still remember running up the stairs, too scared to see him lying there. And then I remember when he was there he'd hold both my hands as he sat on his usual seat by the window in the hall and then place my feet on his own; and then he'd lift his legs, so it was like I rocked up and down. I used to laugh so freely with him when he did that. And then he'd plead for me to give him a sweet treat even though he had diabetes. He'd come home everyday from his walk in the garden and bring a few tidbits. He once got me this crazy hat." She said, smiling, and Bill couldn't help but smile with her.

"I remember how I was one of the only people he remembered in his last year. He had Alzheimer's disease." She said, taking his hand and playing with it. He didn't speak at all.

"And then I remember my mum and dad. My dad's ginormously loud laugh… and then my mum's name was done in graffiti on some of the colleges back home." She smiled. "She was the prettiest girl in the suburban area. She didn't know her name was up for such a long time it was hilarious. And then my brother and his nonsensical names for me. He was just such a witty idiot. And then Sim… my younger sis. They all said the similarities in my habits as a kid and her habits were just crazy." She said, smiling widely and shaking her head.

"You'll miss them." He said softly, holding her face gently, but she shook her head.

"No. They're right here." She said, placing one hand on her heart as the other's index finger tapped her temple. "Body, mind and soul." She said softly.

"Sounds the best." He whispered.

"It is." She said. "I don't want to dwell. Mummy always said that leaving the memory of their death and holding onto their love is what you should do. And I always did that anyway even before she told me. I want to be myself once more and then forever. I wanna live. I don't want to hold it for so long. It's not right."

"This is why I wonder if you're really seventeen or not." Bill said, shaking his head.

"I am seventeen. Proof? I've just heard too much about dirty dancing and how girl on girl action turns guys on. The second one's just plain gross." She said, frowning, and he laughed.

"Yup, you're seventeen." He said still laughing. She rolled her eyes.

"Ohh… and I also tend to say 'fucktard' once in a while." She said sarcastically. Bill giggled. "I'm seventeen." She said, nodding her head in a manner which many would like to call 'dorkish'.

"Now isn't for kisses

Now isn't for games

Now isn't for tea parties

Or crying 'My Lord!' in vain.

Now is for reason

Now is for loving

Now is to smile at the seasons

That I think should be coming.

Now is for a new beginning to end the end that I remember.

Like New Year in December." She sung.

Bill frowned as he wondered. "Sounds like some song in an old English movie." He said.

"I just made it up." She replied, turning away from the night sky to smile at his face. "And, yes, it sounds so classically Victorian or something. I don't know the word, I don't specialize in trends." She said as she shrugged, and Bill had to chuckle.

"Nope, you don't!" he said.

"Gladly." She said.

"Gladly." he repeated, before kissing her softly. Her hands found his face, and she sighed as she broke away.

"What happened?" he asked her.

"Stupid memory." She muttered. Bill blew out in a huff.

"How about this?" he said, but before she could ask what the 'this' was he pulled her closer, resting her head against his chest as they both lay on their side.

"Yeah I like it." Niki said, her sarcasm marred by the sadness that coloured her memories. Bill smiled.

"Good."

They lay there in silence, and Bill's gaze soon traveled to the sky, watching the stars, finding patterns and wondering if he had just spotted a constellation, or if he was just imagining things.

Suddenly she shifted where she lay.

"Better?" he whispered. She nodded her head slowly. "What time are you leaving tomorrow?"

"It's a night flight. Best sleep it off instead of tiring ourselves." She said.

"You done with the packing though?"

"Definitely."

"Tomorrow's gonna be either an extra long day, or an extra short one."

She snuggled closer, "I know."

"Both of which suck."

"Let's not mope shall we?"

"Okay."

She yawned.

"How can you STILL be sleepy?" he asked incredulously.

"Kid needs her fourteen hour sleep." She said, imitating a toddler. Bill rolled his eyes.

"I am going to have serious jetlag." She continued.

"Mm…" he said.

"What's on your mind?" she asked, turning to look at him.

"Nothing really… nothing except wondering how we're gonna get through the nightmare that is gonna be the paparazzi. Honestly, they scare me once in an odd while." He said, stroking her shoulder.

"They're gonna go a little gaga, yes."

"You put it so sweetly." He said, and she laughed.

"Best brace yourself on the inside than go on ranting. The latter just makes it worse."

"The _what?_"

"Latter; like the last one, or the last bit."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Bill liked this, just talking. It was easier. It felt normal. Normal was good; in fact it was amazing.

"You just said that out loud." She said, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

"I did?"

"That's what I just said." And if she hadn't said it softly, it might have sounded rude.

"Okay what now?"

"What do you mean?"

"What do you want to do." He stated. There was a short silence in which she thought.

"I wanna cook." She said.

"You wanna _what?_" he asked, incredulous once more.

"Cook." She said timidly.

"It's 12 at night!"

"Um…so?"

"Well... wait… actually… so? Okay let's have it then!" he said, smiling


	12. Chapter 12

"Okay how about now?" Niki asked an unexplainably hungry bill as she placed the spoon near his face, which lay in the crook of her neck.

He took a little lick of the big wooden spoon.

"Mmm… but there's just that one thing missing…" he said, wondering.

"Really, yeah…wait…" she said, licking a little of the gravy herself. "Okay, I can taste the basil, and the garlic… the peppers fine – OH!" she exclaimed, reaching over into a cabinet in front of her.

"What?" Bill asked, as he watched the container passing from her hands onto the stone counter of the kitchen. Where the whole house was sleeping, the two had been up cooking. Or rather Niki had been up cooking something.

"Mint!" Niki exclaimed excitedly as she took out a little in the tiniest of spoons ever known to man.

"Mint?" Bill asked, the panic unable to resist colouring his tone.

"I'm not putting too much, if that's what you're worried about. Because usually I find mint anything disgusting." She said, trying to move out of the hold his arms had on her waist.

"What?" he asked her, annoyed.

"I can't really move!" she replied. But instead of letting go, Bill only loosened his grip the slightest bit. "Silly." He heard her mutter.

She added a pinch of the powdered mint leaves to the medium sized sauce - pan in which the mushrooms had been prepared in a thick, buttery, cheesy sauce, and she picked up the wooden spoon to stir at the dish once more.

A minute later Bill sniffed longingly at the aroma of the mushrooms.

"Told you." Niki said as she dipped the spoon in the gravy once more and brought it close to her and blew; then she held it in front of Bill once more.

"Mm… HMMMMM" came his reply. She laughed, and pulled out two little bowls from the corner cabinet and ladled out the mushroom and gravy. The both of them stood quietly, leaning against the kitchen counter as they ate.

"What did you make this of?" Bill asked her, savoring the rich explosion of taste in his mouth. She turned to look at him incredulously.

"You just saw me go through the whole thing!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, but I don't really know what you put in now do I?" he retorted.

"It's saffron sauce, and garlic, in cheese and corn flour."

"Ah."

"You don't know what half of that is do you?"

"No idea." He replied rather sheepishly. She chuckled.

"Silly."

"Aber es ist lecker." He said, licking his lips.

"Thank you!" she said, pretending to curtsey as she walked over to place her bowl in the sink. Bill snorted.

Up above Tom Kaulitz shifted a little against Payal's curled up form. His thoughts were a blank as he floated away in the land of dreams.

Payal, however, lay wide awake.

She shifted slowly, disentangling herself from the boy's hold; but he woke up as he felt her weight lift from the bed.

"Hmmm…?" he said sleepily.

"Can't sleep." She muttered.

"You're just worried."

"I do have a right to be worried you know!" she hissed back, and regretted it instantly. "I – I'm sorry."

"You're still stressed." He said, shaking his head.

"Sadly, yeah."

"What's so sad about stressing?" he asked, sitting up and pushing the blanket down to his knees.

"What's sad is I just can't seem to be able to let go of my stupid stubborn ego so that I can rid myself of the aftershock." She said in one long, heavy breath.

There was a silence, in which Tom turned over what she had just said.

"What hurts more?" he asked, and he knew she would understand what he was asking of her.

"Letting it out." She stated simply.

"Then don't let it out. If comes out, then it does. Not simple in practice, but simple enough anyway." He said.

"You sound like Niki."

He smirked. "In short I know you too well." She raised her eyebrows.

"Maybe." She said.

"Yeah, whatever." He said, playfully nonchalant. He motioned with his hands for her to come closer. She rolled her eyes and stood where she was.

"Gosh, it won't kill you to walk four steps and sit down next to me!" he said in mock irritation. She sighed and sat down next to him. He pulled her chin and kissed her passionately.

"You know I'm here. And I know you hate pep talks. And you know me, I'm not gonna go corny on you," he said smirking, "so I think we should do fine." He said.

She considered that as she yawned and crawled back into bed.

"Yeah, ok, I'll take that as a yes." He said, chuckling as his arms held her close to him once more.

"Goodnight, pretty boy." She said, and he heard the smile in her voice.

"Yeah… goodnight." He said, being sure to add heavy sarcasm to his tone.

"Oh, shut up!" Niki said, exasperated. "She doesn't die on his motorbike!"

"She does! I – HEY!" Bill exclaimed, as Niki fast forwarded and played the movie to the exact shot.

"She's dead by the time he's on the motorbike." She said smugly.

"That doesn't make it any less sad." Bill said, sniffing. And her face fell too.

"Yeah, I know. But you know; that's life. You gotta pay a price for everything." She said quietly.

He looked at her, before scooting closer, and she rested herself against his frame.

"I know." He said. She didn't say anything as she picked up the remote once more and flipped the television to the 'TV' mode once again.

"Are you sleepy?" she whispered.

"Nah."

"Me neither. What do you wanna do then?"

"Okay, how about this?" he said, shifting so he sat in front of her, pulling her closer as he kissed her slowly, softly.

"Yeah, this is fine." She whispered before his lips met hers again.

"Better than fine, I would say." He whispered, pulling her closer. Her fingernails brushed against the back of his neck, and he moaned involuntarily. Suddenly he was gentler, which made her heart race faster.

"Bill." She breathed as they stopped and broke away, breathless. He responded by holding her waist firmly, causing her to blush.

"Well this is nice." He said, teasing her.

"Hey! Not my fault…" she mumbled something incoherent.

"Not your fault what?" he asked, unable to catch the end of the sentence.

"That I just didn't end up dating anyone before. I - It's not that bad." She said, fidgeting with her hands.

"Hey, I never said it's bad. I was just kidding." He said softly. Her tensed body relaxed.

"So you're gonna deal with this for a little while?" she burst.

"Deal with what?" he asked.

"Me being more than a little childish."

"You don't see yourself clearly." He said shaking his head, "It's not being childish; it's called being vulnerable. Everyone's vulnerable." He said, then paused and added – "Hey my vocabulary has grown!" she smiled.

"Okay – vulnerability."

"Vulnera – _what?_"

"Gosh, vulnerability. The state of being vulnerable."

"That's a word?"

"Most definitely, yes."

"You're so good with your grammar!" he grumbled, she laughed.

"My mum, dad and siblings – or rather everyone who knows me – call me a walking talking English dictionary. You should know I do not like the American modifications to English." She sniffed, speaking with an air of playful arrogance and pride.

"Right, they are. And will be till the end of time." Bill muttered. She smirked.

"You know there are pro's of my good English. I tend to correct people ever so often they've learned quite a bit from me." She said, continuing in the same tone. Bill raised his eyebrows at her, and she couldn't hold her laughter in any longer.

"God, you swallowed that whole!" she said, laughing some more. He only shook his head. "Il mio angelo dolce sei troppo innocente ..." she said, shaking her head at him, almost as if they had chosen to shake their heads in turns.

"You being multilingual really don't make me feel that entire dandy about you're grammar you know." He said sulkily. She sighed.

"Do you even know what I said?" she asked softly. He shook his head stubbornly, and she had to keep from laughing at the childish innocence of his action.

"I said, _my sweet angel your far too innocent._" She whispered the translation in his ear and - eyes wide - he turned to look at her. She smiled as she cocked her head slightly to the side, like she did every time she considered anything.

"You…" he begun, his voice thick with things he could not express in words.

"Yes, I just said that out loud. To you." She whispered, still smiling.

He stared at her a little more, "Niki…" he crooned.

She giggled, "Yes?"

"Nothing." He whispered fondly as he tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. She raised her eyebrows in disbelief. "You don't want to know what it is, because I can't seem to be able to put it into words." He whispered softly, stroking her chin. She looked away, and couldn't help giggling.

_How wonderfully cheesy-romantic-movie-ish. _She thought. And yet, it didn't disturb her. It felt oddly lovely.

Oddly lovely, and warm – just like what Bill did next.

He kissed her once again, pulling her closer, until she was right there, sitting in his lap, her legs hanging down the edge of the sofa. It wasn't a heated closeness; it was something beautiful, something sweet, something like there was a love and an understanding between the two hearts that beat faster and faster, until the time came for them to break apart and take a breather.

Niki yawned a tiny yawn, looking more like an innocent child than she had ever done.

"Suddenly sleepy." Bill whispered, smiling at his angel.

"Suddenly content." She whispered back


	13. Chapter 13

"Can we be out already, we're running late!" Gordon's voice boomed through the house.

"Coming! Coming! Coming!" Bill said, running through the corridor while teasing his hair as he sprayed a little bit of hairspray. Niki's eyes followed him from where she was perched upon one of the two tiny suitcases in which the remnants of her possessions had fit snugly.

"God boy WAKE UP!" Payal said loudly, as she pulled a drowsy Tom through the corridor and down towards the door. She stopped in front of her younger sister. "You coming?" she said, slight irritation colouring her tone, as she jostled Tom's arm once more.

Her younger sister shook her head, nodding over to Bill, who was running back the way he'd come muttering something about eyeliner.

"Fine." She muttered as she dragged Tom downstairs; the latter of which continued a playful string of complaints.

"Are you done yet." Niki said quietly as Bill walked past her in a hurry once more. He stopped, turning to look at her, and touched her cheek.

"Give me a minute." He said running back into the bathroom, and stepping out a minute later, being done with everything. He linked his fingers with hers and, as she dragged the suitcase, they made their way down.

"Finally." Gordon muttered. Simone giggled in the background. Tom and Payal were already in the car.

_"Hast du etwas Zeit für mich_  
_Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich_  
_Von 99 Luftballons_  
_Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont_  
_Denkst du vielleicht g'rad an mich_  
_Dann singe ich ein Lied für dich_  
_Von 99 Luftballons_  
_Und dass so was von so was kommt_

_99 Luftballons_  
_Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont_  
_Hielt man für Ufos aus dem All_  
_Darum schickte ein General_  
_'ne Fliegerstaffel hinterher_  
_Alarm zu geben, wenn es so wär_  
_Dabei war'n da am Horizont_  
_Nur 99 Luftballons"_

The radio continued to play softly in the silent car. Niki had been staring out the window with her hand on her chin the whole while as she sat next to Tom. Simone had been glancing at the four of them all the while, wondering whether they were okay back there. But the silence had her turning back every single time.

The only sounds made as they parked at the make shift airport and pulled out the luggage was Tom's huff as he pulled down the two suitcases. Somewhere in the distance – far, far away – a few cameras clicked.

Niki's hands shook, and she held onto the handle of the suitcase tightly to prevent herself from slipping and showing signs of the sweat that had broken across her palms or the ache that was begin to grow in her heart. Bill stayed quietly by her side, ot saying a word as the two girls went through the security procedure. He thanked the Lord that the makeshift airport prevented people from being barred to move along with whomsoever was leaving as the latter went through all the checking and whatnot. As her departure neared, both their bodies tensed. Niki looked up at the big sign that pointed her to a tiny makeshift terminal and let out a huff. Simone touched her arm lightly.

"I'll miss you." Niki mouthed. The boys' mother pulled the girl into a hug.

"Me too honey. Be careful with yourself, okay? And don't stress yourself too much."

The girl smiled and allowed a shaky laugh, "I'll try."

As her elder sister went forth to hug the mother, Niki found herself staring into Gordon's strong face.

He smiled at her warmly. "You're a strong girl. And I have a very strong feeling I'm seeing you soon." He said, winking at his stepson. Niki smiled a weak smile.

"Thank you." She mouthed, but before she even turned completely her brother of sorts had engulfed her in a big bear hug.

"Hey pretty brown girl – take care of you and that idiot of a sister for me wont you?" he said, and she snorted as she tried to hold back her tears.

"Jerk." She heard her sister mutter in mock irritation. Everyone laughed.

"Excuse me?" a blonde came up to the, speaking in a very heavily accented voice.

"Erm, ja?"

"Sie sind der Flug von einer halben Stunde Verspätung." she said, walking away. They hadn't realized they were right at the little terminal.

"Um…" Niki said, not knowing what to do with herself. Suddenly she felt a slight pressure on the small of her back, and she looked up to find Bill looking at her intently. She nodded her head, and the two of them walked onwards and towards the little coffee stand. Two minutes later Niki found herself sitting facing the glass wall of the temporary building while Bill sat next to her on the metal bench.

She sipped slowly on the coffee, not knowing what to say.

"Say _something, _anything. You being silent is kind of strange." He said, and she looked up.

"I don't know what to say." She said, and the sound wasn't even a whisper. She chugged down the lukewarm coffee and repeated her statement – "Really don't know what to say. I'm pulling a blank for no rhyme or reason."

Bill breathed out in relief. She rolled her eyes; Bill placed an arm around her and pulled her closer, and they both stared out into the gloomy night.

"Bill?" she said suddenly.

"Ja?"

"I left something in your little handibox back home." She said. Bill had liked to call his little empty watch's box that he had been gifted when he was 7 his 'handibox'.

He started. "Was it important? Want me to send it over?" it was unlikely for Niki to have kept something _in _that box.

"I left it there on purpose." She said.

"Oh. Okay, I'll check that out later…" he said.

"Das Flugzeug ist am Terminal 2 ist da und bereit, wieder zu verlassen. Passagiere werden gebeten, an Bord zu beginnen. " a lady official came shouting through.

Hastily, Niki got up, but Bill had already tilted her head up a little, kissing her softly for a second, ignoring the ten year old boy who had been gawking at them – along with a few other people. They obviously knew who he was, and maybe who she was too.

_To hell with them. _

He thought silently.

"Okay," she whispered, "see you later pretty boy." She said, smirking slightly. He made a face, and she laughed edgily.

"Bye love." He whispered.

He watched as she moved ahead and hugged each one of his family members, who had accepted her whether she knew it or not. He watched as his heart hurt more second by passing second, and yet he knew it would be alright.

And then she picked up the little handle with his sister, walked through the wooden doors, and she was gone.

Bill had never forgotten that night. It was the night he had sat and let the happy tears slide down his face as he read and re - read the little token she had left for him in her cursive handwriting -

_**Who would've known I'd ever get cheesy… =P**_

_**The Moonlight's Song**_

_**Sleeping angel**_

_**Lilt me with your sweet words,**_

_**Dwell on the moonlight.**_

_**While I while away my time**_

_**In the breeze,**_

_**And your words flow**_

_**Effortlessly along the wind;**_

_**Driving away past nightmares**_

_**Bringing true dreams.**_

_**How I wish to stay by**_

_**And whisper**_

_**As I lay by your side.**_

_**You whisper love and sorrow.**_

_**Do you not hear?**_

_**My urgent apology**_

_**That wills it's way through the misty air,**_

_**And urges the nightingale to sing**_

_**Her gentle, elegant song;**_

_**Melody on wings**_

_**Just like you.**_

_**And I rid myself of the longing**_

_**That leads me**_

_**To the beat of my heart.**_

_**I await your return.**_

_**Sleeping angel**_

_**Lilt me with your humming song,**_

_**Dwell on the starlight –**_

_**Then,**_

_**Dwell on the moonlight.**_

Beneath was a little note -

I wrote it at the age of fifteen, and in my minds eye I saw a thin, pale boy lying in black as the moonlight fell on his curled frame. The only thing I had never been able to see before last night was his beautiful face.

**Yes, I wrote that. As always :D**

**Review BITTE?**

**Danke schon!**

**;P**

**Niki**


	14. Chapter 14

Niki sat at the little window ledge, not knowing what to do with herself. Their bodies, along with the males of the family, had travelled to the cremation place. She had purified herself once more as she knew she had to. Payal had long since fallen asleep after a long talk with Tom on the phone.

_Ding. _

_Speak of the devil, _Niki thought, a slight smile on her face.

**Tom : Hw r u? Bill's freaking out…**

Warning bells rang in her head – she had forgotten to call him!

**Niki : Scheisse I forgot to call him! Gtg… m fine.**

Her fingers shook, and after many unsuccessful tries one name flashed across the screen as she received a call.

**Bill Kaulitz.**

She preferred storing people's numbers against their full names, irrelevant of her relationship with them.

In her hurry, she pressed the 'end' button by mistake. She cussed at her clumsiness, and managed to hold still long enough to dial his number once more. He picked up on the first ring, sounding irritated across the other line, "Hello?"

"I'm sorry I cut the phone by accident and I'd been trying to dial your number for ages but my hands kept shaking or I kept dropping the phone for no reason at all; I am so sorry!" she said in one breath. She could still feel the tension on the other side of the line.

"Are you ok?" he asked, worry colouring his tone.

She blew out in a huff, "Yes, we're both fine. My _relatives_,as people would socially like to call them, are not. The drama will begin in a few days' time. Since all thirteen days of mourning have passed anyways." She said matter-of-factly. She heard him mutter a 'thank Gott' across the line and rolled her eyes.

"So then, that means me taking care of the media day after tomorrow onwards. It's disgusting how they just don't care about privacy even after such situations. But I'll get past it." Niki said, but she was distracted as she observed a little movement in the garden are below her. She squinted, trying to figure out what she had seen, but it was raining to hard. Where in Germany those rains had been an unusual weather change, here in India the monsoon prevailed like it always did.

"Niki?" Bill asked, as there was not a sound across the line.

"Yeah, hold on a sec, 'kay?"

"Yeah."

She squinted once more, both her hands up against the glass as she nestled the cellular phone in the crook of her neck, pressing her ear down and securing it where it lay.

"I think I saw someone, someone _lurking_ outside on the lawn…" she said, trailing of as she kept her visual focus on the patch where she had seen that distinctive shadow.

"What?" she heard Bill say sharply.

"Bill, I don't know for certain what it was. I promise you security is all around the house. Even if the person meant harm, they won't be able to do a thing." She said as calmly as she could.

"That better be the case." He said in a clipped tone.

"It is." She said, looking away from the window and holding the phone to her ear with her hand once more.

"How's Simone and Gordon?" she asked.

"Mum misses you." He said, and his voice was quiet. She knew he was stressing.

"Oh, really? Wow. You know I miss her too…"

"Are you sure that you saw someone outside?" he asked her as if she hadn't spoken.

"Bill – "

"Don't 'Bill' me please. Please. Please, just go tell Cole to make sure there's no one there. Please." He said – no begged; the tension, the fear had trickled into his voice. She sighed.

"Okay. Hold on then…"

She moved through the house, passing her cousins, her uncles and aunts. Their eyes bore into her back. They had been truly saddened by her family's death. They were part of each other's life after all. She bet they wondered who she was conversing with.

"Cole?" she called as she walked farther, farther away from the main chambers of the house. Bill listened intently on the other end of the line, hoping that she was right. The thought of someone lurking – someone '_lurking_' after what Niki had felt that morning, now scared him more than ever. "Cole, there you are!" he heard her say. "Okay, can you ask Jake to sweep the grounds for me? And position one or two people near the entrances of the house? I think I saw someone out on the grounds…" she said.

"Okay, I'll put Jai right on it." Bill heard the firm, crisp male voice and felt immediate relief. The same relief he felt when Saki ushered him through the crazy population of people that mobbed him all across the globe.

"Is that okay then?" she asked him now, sarcastic as she was.

"Yes, thankyouverymuch!" he said in a rush. He heard her chuckle softly.

"I really do wish you were here now. You and Tom and Georg and Stella and Gustav. And Andi too maybe. I wish I could have a good laugh right now. It's just so pressing, this atmosphere. I hope things are better tomorrow. I hope things will be better if not the same since now…" she said, her voice strained. He knew what she meant; even though she was not the elder of the two sisters she was the one who had ventured to take a number of highly stressful responsibilities. She managed consoling her relatives, keeping the security up to date, and then answered the media while Payal kept every other crazy work related personnel away from the band as a whole.

"You know, everything will be over soon… and maybe we aren't that far away for too long anyways." He said, a smile sounding in his voice.

"What do you mean?" she said, confused.

"I mean Indian markets seem to want to do business with us for a good four months now. We hadn't been able to answer them, but since the tour planning's been taking good shape…" he trailed off suggestively.

"You'll have to ready for a bombardment of drama. The Indian public isn't as open to the kind of… look – "

"You're forgetting NO ONE was ever open to ANY of my looks." He said. She could almost see him smirking, and she smiled a tiny smile reluctantly.

"Well, you're all set then." She said, at a loss of things to say. She had never been one for a phone conversation.

"Yeah. And you're all set to go to bed now." He said decisively.

"I'm not five years old. Jeez! Plus, I have jetlag." She said, irritated. She heard him laugh.

"Okay fine, but I'm warning you I just cannot hold up a conversation on the phone."

"That makes two of us." She muttered, flopping down on her bed. He laughed once more.

"Okay, good." He said. Silence prevailed. But it was fine. There was need to talk.

"What're you doing?" she asked him.

"Flipping through news channels." He murmured.

"I've given up on that." She said, shaking her head.

"Hmmm…" he muttered, squinting as he saw a picture of himself flash across the screen; he sat frozen as he watched the piece of 'news' unfold across the screen, horrified furthermore with every passing word.

"Oh!" he gasped, eyes wide, and instantly regretting betraying his jammed emotions.

"What?" she asked him, concerned. He bit his lip as he realized he was going to tell her exactly what.

"Nothing, just a stupid mindless little bit of musing on my active love life." He said, trying to intone a little bit of the tease that he definitely didn't genuinely feel into his voice. But he sounded just too nonchalant to his own ears.

"Oh, well then… now I will have to try and get a bit of sleep after all…" he heard her say. He wanted once more to tell her what was on, what was making his skin crawl inch by inch. He knew she realized he was keeping something from her, but her casual manner told him she was okay with it – she knew he wouldn't want to stress her, that he wouldn't cave in no matter what she said.

Niki sighed, unfolding her thick blanket and burying her unquiet thoughts somewhere away from the warmth she felt as she curled up on her familiar little bed. She missed the little bed (that was littler); she missed those long arms holding her close. She missed those warm pancakes, she even missed Tom's cocky attitude. She missed it all.

But then, bit by bit, sleep prevailed, and her restless mental wanderings continued on their forlorn path in the bliss that came only with oblivion.

Somewhere in a little house in Magdeburg Bill Kaulitz sat frozen on his sofa, every inch of him willing to tremble with fear, and yet willing him to remain a porcelain statue.

_Highlight of the day – Stalker seeks revenge. Bill Kaulitz's apparent girlfriend vowed to 'suffer the wrath of Death' in an online death threat._

His mind flashbacked almost as if he were playing the protagonist in a well directed movie –

_"Something's – something's lurking out there…"_

Niki slept soundly all through the night. Nothing had disturbed heard except a tiny clicking sound at about sunrise, and that stopped as she stirred and flopped over the other way.

_Brring!_

Her phone chose that very moment to vibrate. Muttering something about early mornings being an unlucky charm, she huffed and turned back the other way to check caller ID.

**Tom Kaulitz**

_What the hell? _She thought. At least Tom wouldn't be expected to call her when it was round about 3 at night back in Germany.

"Hello?" she said, her voice sounding hoarse.

"Okay, hold on a sec – _Bill are you done yet? JEEZ! _– yeah we're – "

"What in the name of Merlin's most baggy Y – fronts are you guys doing?" Niki said, sitting up straight, and seeing black spots in the process. She rubbed impatiently. She could hear Georg and Gustav – and even Stella – in the background.

"Erm, we're catching a flight… and we're late." Tom said nervously.

"A flight?" Niki asked sharply, "To where?"

Silence.

And then it dawned.

"I told you guys you gotta wait till everything's calm here!" she hissed into the phone.

"Chillax, we got pulled in early for promotions." Tom said calmly.

"Just like that? I don't think that's how it works…" Niki whispered, frowning as she considered what her brother had just said.

"Jeez, chill. Just letting you know we'll be there by mid afternoon. And we need you to see us at the Hyatt at about 3 'kay?" he said, making it quick. Suddenly there was a disturbance in the line, and another voice spoke through the receiver.

"Are you moving out of the house today?" Bill asked her, his tone wary, and for some reason this disturbed the girl.

"Uh, yeah, I told you handling the media…" she said, trailing off suggestively.

"Oh, okay. I guess I'll see you later today then." He said; there was a strain in his voice that she couldn't identify. But before she could say anything –

"By love. Take care."

The line went dead, and Niki averted her eyes from where they lay glued to her phone to shout one name –

"PAYAL!"

"Is it true then, are you dating Tokio Hotel frontman Bill Kaulitz?"

"Yes."

"So this means only Twish and Payal are currently single?"

"Payal's dating Tom. Twish is the only single band member."

"How do you feel you are coping with the loss of your immediate family? Is it still as hard?"

"It's working out okay for us, we would guess. After all we've had two months to think things through and to absorb the truth."

"Why did you return so late? What caused your delay?"

"German authorities needed to confirm the identities of the victims; and the airport was in shambles. The whole area was totally unsafe. No one had been allowed to move anywhere out of the house until the last three weeks."

Niki was tired of the constant questioning. Personally she thought the paparazzi were a bunch of inconsiderate fools prancing like puppets on strings held by the overly dramatic viewers and their pressurized bosses.

So then again, she didn't want to blame them.

"That would be all, thank you. No other matters are left to be addressed. So, end of conference." Sara spoke firmly above the others. Sara was the band's best friend turned manager. Niki breathed a sigh of relief as the reporters trudged out unwillingly, unhappy – surely – with how little drama and juicy gossip had been unearthed. But the band was satisfied. They had made it a point to keep private life private; by hook or crook, it didn't matter.

"Thank God that's over." Niki heard Zoe mutter as her best friend and guitarist got up and stretched her numb limbs.

Payal's phone vibrated from where it lay on the little table in front of them. All eyes seemed to zero in on the little device as it moved from table to owner.

"Time to go." The older twin muttered.

"Nightmare's over for now, I guess." The younger one said, and the other four could not help but agree.

Little did they know that the 'for now' had a key part to play.

"TMOD! TMOD! TMOD! TMOD!"

The cheers got louder and louder, deafening the singer's ears as he paced in his spacious hotel room. The Hyatt was a place of luxury, no doubt.

But today it was doing little to calm his fears.

Last night had turned from quite separation to full blown disaster. And he wished and hoped and prayed he could keep his newfound happiness and strength in one piece. He hoped and prayed he could keep _her _in one piece.

His phone rang from the corner and, narrowly avoiding crash landing into his own brother, Bill picked up the phone, a little too breathless to even check caller ID.

"Hallo?" he spoke into the little thing.

"What number and floor is it?" she said urgently. From the sound of things she was moving quickly, and still through the lobby.

"Room 2408. Well… you got the floor number off that."

"Yes, I did." He could almost hear the slight smile in her voice, and for a split second his worries were forgotten. Her happiness filled his heart and his soul felt a strength he never knew he possessed. "I'll be there in two." She said, and Bill faintly heard another female voice before the phone went dead.

He sighed, preparing himself to explain things that he knew would make his own skin crawl as he relived the horror.

_"The wrath of Death…"_

"Cole waits outside. I don't know how long we're taking, but I don't want a single fan getting within an inch of anyone in there." Sara said, jabbing a pale finger in the general direction of the room into which the girls had vanished. These past two months weren't even stressful – no, they were horrifying. The twins' parents were like her own, and she missed them and their two siblings almost as much the twins themselves.

Cole nodded urgently, stationing himself and a few others around the area signalled. _Today there can be no mistakes. _He thought.

Sara Fox sighed, grabbing hold of the door knob and stepping in to the little light above the door.

Only to hear things she wished she never had.


	15. Chapter 15

**Well, I got a favourite for this story xD So here's to you xXMellow-YellowXx**

**(P.S: Check her page out! Here's the link: .net/u/2291581/)**

**Oh, enjoy and review bitte? DANKE SCHON!**

"We need to be… really careful… we don't know where she is, who she's seeing, if she knows where you live. We know nothing. She's on the sly and that's all we know." Tom said, while he watched his sister pale by his side. Payal, however, was calm, unaffected; he could read acceptance and vigilance in here eyes.

Bill's eyes were a scene of pain.

"Okay, okay, okay… okay I need to go to the bathroom." Niki said, pacing and heading towards the little door to the side. Tom saw Bill's hand rise, and then fall again as he stood there.

"This sucks." He heard his baby brother mutter, and he turned to see Bill holding his head in his hands – on the verge of either breaking down or breaking out..

"Tell me about it." Gustav said from the other corner of the room.

"Hysteria is not the word."

Tom looked up to see Sara for the first time. He'd heard enough about the band's manager from his sister. And thus, he had no trouble identifying her. Blue eyes, brownish black hair, pale white – so pale that you would think she'd never stepped in the sun before.

Her brilliant blue eyes were stressed as the rested on Tom, and then wandered over to linger on the door behind which Niki had disappeared.

She did not need to be her twin to know that Niki had broken down and slipped down to the floor on the other side.

"Niki." Bill said quietly. Everyone had gone back to their rooms. They hadn't wanted to leave, but Bill made them. He knew he would have to go it alone.

"Niki, they've left." He tried once more, and hadn't half expected her barging out of the bathroom and latching herself onto him like she did now. Taken aback, Bill didn't even expect her to kiss him like she did. Given the current circumstances, given Niki's behaviour in general – this was unusual. So when he pulled her closer by the waist it was with the slightest hesitance, and the most caution.

The most caution – for a few minutes later he was able to think through his dizzy haze of a mind, and realized why this kiss shocked him more than ever; she was trying to put too many unsaid words, and then hiding too many. It was all too easy for him to understand now what her urgency indicated.

So it was with the utmost gentleness that he pulled away from her and held her chin up. How had he not felt her hot tears falling slowly down?

"You're not. Going anywhere." He said, breaking the sentence in half, trying to make her understand.

"You'll be better away from the drama – " she begun, trying to reason with him.

"That doesn't make sense."

"It does." She said stubbornly, struggling against his surprisingly strong hold that restricted the movement of her arms.

"It does not." He said firmly.

"Then what is it? What's getting you out of this huh?" she asked fiercely, looking into his face. His anger boiled.

"What's getting _us _out of this. It's _us_,don't you get it? It's always gonna be. I'm not going." He said angrily.

She was silent for a moment.

"You're right," she said quietly, and Bill almost smiled, "you're right – you're not going. But I should have; that very first day. I should have." She said, looking away.

"You – you – are you _regretting _this?" he whispered, his heart almost breaking as he tried to understand. Her head snapped at his words, and as she felt his arms go slightly limp she had to shout.

"NO! No! No…" he lifted his head to look into her eyes, only to read that she was saying the truth. Her hands shook as she held his face. He took a deep breath, calming himself, but couldn't – she'd begun to shake, and her hands dropped, balling into fists at her sides.

She paced around for a little while, and for a moment it looked almost like roll reversal. She turned back to him.

"Think. Logically." She begun through gritted teeth, "what if you weren't here because well…because there was no 'us' then things could have been…" she trailed off, shaking even more. He stood frozen, trying to comprehend what she had just said. Such a side of the whole situation had never occurred to him.

"Bill?" he heard her say in a small voice. He shook his head. "No." he said, "…"

"Billi… please? Please?"

"So what is it you're trying to say? For Christ's sake that isn't any solution!" he cried out, exasperated.

"It so happens that it just might be." She said quietly, flopping down on the bed. He stopped his pacing and sunk down to the floor in front of her.

"It isn't." he hissed. "It will not be… unless… unless you or I stopped caring… never." He whispered.

She sighed, looking up from where she had been fidgeting with her nails, only to stroke his face softly. "Bill." She whispered gently.

"No. Please, no."

He was begging now. _This couldn't be happening _he thought.

Pain surging in her heart and pouring out of her eyes, she continued.

"What if I said you were capable of forgetting, of forgiving? Would you forgive and forget me? What if I said me not being there could make things better?" she said softly, stroking his cheek softly. She could see the panic raging in his eyes, but she knew she couldn't turn away. He shook his head vigorously. "What if my absence was the key?" she said. He now shook his head violently.

"It can't be… it can't… please… no more… tell me you're just musing… please…" he pleaded.

"I'm sorry love. Please? I'm sorry I'm not just musing. I'm sorry I let Simone persuade me into staying. I'm sorry I caused this mess. I wish you didn't face what you did. I wish I could spare the soul I possibly value the most all of this. And that's you. Sparing you this entirely atrocious fiasco means leaving. I'm sorry their all dead. I'm sorry I couldn't save them. I'm sorry for everything. But something I can't be sorry for is loving you. I do not regret it. I just don't want you to face everything with me. I'm sorry you did face it all till now."

A single tear slipped down her cheek, and with all the ferocity he could manage Bill wiped it away. He held her face gingerly in his pale hands, and her eyes shut at his touch.

"We can make it okay." He said, desperate to search for a weakness, something with which he could make things alright, "We'll stick together; we'll be careful. I promise. We'll do everything we can. Please." But she only shook her head as he rested his forehead against hers. "Please." He whispered, and then made his final attempt to pull the pieces together.

Soft, warm, urgent, desperate, he tried to put in everything that he couldn't say out loud. And as he felt her give in, as he felt her tears mingle with his own, as his heart thudded loudly in his ears Bill hoped that maybe she would forget logic and reason; he hoped for his little piece of happiness to stitch it's way back into his soul.

She pulled away, but he wouldn't let go of her where she sat, her arms having unconsciously snaked their way around his neck. His forehead rested against hers, and he knew she was looking up at him even though his eyes were shut.

"Don't go. Please. Stay. For me. Please…" he continued to whisper with his eyes shut, with his soul crying out for another touch, with his heart waiting to be whole once again, and somewhere as the evening passed by (since he did not know how long they sat there) she gently brushed her lips against his. He stopped, waiting.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Don't ever do that again. Please. Please…" he whispered, stroking her face gently.

"I was just trying to make things okay…"

"Then you chose the wrong option." He said firmly, the pain still showing in his eyes. She instantly felt guilty for saying what she said.

"I'm sorry…" she repeated. He sighed, brushing the hair out of her face as he held her a little more firmly.

"Just don't do that again." He whispered, looking into her eyes as he tilted her chin up once more. "It was a bad idea…" he said, bending in towards her once again, but she stopped him.

"I have to go home." She said, looking up into his eyes, where she read pain and denial – which caused her to alter her statement – "for tonight."

He looked at her for a long time, and then slowly ran a gentle hand through her hair.

"Okay."

_The monster crept over the hedges; the alleyways had been a breeze. Anticipation took over her body as she realized that the moment she had waited for for so long had finally come – at least the first moment of this pleasurable journey._

_Adrenaline was everything._

_Oncoming Death was everything._

The girl's breathing came even – in and out, in and out. It had been such a long time since she had a dreamless night.

Or at least she thought – unconsciously enough – that it was a dreamless night.

_The dark cloth was lifted from her face like one lifts a bridal veil, and suddenly the horrifying, skin crawling reality was as clear as daylight._

**_How did I not know?_**

_Panic prevailed as she tried desperately to get up and run. Unsuccessful, she trudged on backwards on shaky hands and bare, cold feet. Her breath should have been steady, but that description could not be matched with the rattled gasps that escaped her now._

_"Please, no. Please." She barely recognized the voice that escaped with the words now._

_"I'm sorry… for feeling no mercy." The monster smiled, and her teeth seemed like blinding light in the dark room. A light shone from behind the monster, and in the eerie shadows that were caste around she saw one other lifeless form that shouldn't be so limp, that shouldn't be splattered with crimson._

_Shouldn't be – for the limp form was her life._

_"NO!" she cried in pain, pain that wrenched her heart open and rendered her insides with bloody crimson and searing, white hot pain. "Take me… take me… please…"_

_Her vision blurred – with tears or with the approach of the End, she had no idea. She only knew numbness, of hurt, of a cool white light…_

Niki woke up with a jolt, a sweat breaking across her forehead. She fumbled with the switch on the corner of her bed, trying not to make a sound in the pitch dark room, since she now trembled from head to toe.

A figure stirred on the floor of the room, left to devour the shadows, but Niki had no time to scream in hysterical fear.

"SHH! It's me. Are you ok?"

Her vision blurred with unreasonable tears, and the hand that had covered her mouth in urgency fell away.

"Niki! What's wrong? It's just me, Payal, see?"

In front of her stood her sister, towering over her bed, since Niki was slumped against the headboard.

"Bad dream, bad dream…" the girl muttered from where she lay hyperventilating on her bed. Evidently her sister had chosen to camp on the floor of the room in fear of the monster.

The monster.

Niki cringed as everything came rushing back, biting her lip so hard that it bled – just to stop herself from crying out loud at the sight of his body lying limp in that horrifically real nightmare.

He couldn't die.

"Bad dream…" she muttered once more, panic and bile rising through her. She fumbled, quickly trying to grab her phone and dial his number. Finally, after several rings, and several minutes of her sister eyeing her with concern flooding out of her beautiful black eyes, someone answered.

His angelic voice almost took her breath away –

"Hello?"

She slumped, relieved against the high stack of pillows that always rested on her bed. The sheets were wet with sweat.

"Bad dream…" she whispered once more.

"Aren't you sick of posing?" a tired Bill asked the girl as he tugged her along by the wrist.

"I thought you would be used to it, and I would be the one cribbing." She replied her head swiveling as she met his eyes with her own incredulous ones.

"Everyone receives a shocker sometime." He muttered. They'd been conversing in German for the past half hour as they pushed their way through the paparazzi. Saki and Cole managed to clear a foot's way ahead all throughout the pushing and pulling. Bill heaved a sigh now; it was 9 at night now and he was tired and hungry. The day had gone by in interviews, promotions, clearance of outrageously predictable rumors, and then waiting as the girls wound up a meeting or two with the record company.

The door shut behind them, and Niki leaned against the painted wood.

"Goodnight, good morning, goodnight, good morning." She sighed once, "goodnight, good morning." She paused, cocking her head to the side slightly like she always did when she considered things, "Okay, no clue."

Bill stared at her, while Cole and Saki only smiled.

"What was that all about?" he asked, leaving his jacket on the arm of one of the sofas in the vast hall. Every member of the girls' house who was not involved with the band had retired to their own rooms.

"Goodnight, good morning – which one is it? I'm tired." She repeated, adding the explanation at the end.

"Goodnight?" Tom asked, as he brought out a few bowls and searched the fridge for anything to eat at all.

"No clue – the cornflakes are up in the corner cabinet, and the milk's in the innermost area of the fridge. There's strawberry Nesquick – thanks to Zoe over there." Niki said, jerking her chin at her first cousin and lead guitarist. Bill's attention was immediately drawn to the fridge.

A few minutes later the hall had succumbed to silence as everyone ate, drank, and went back to their rooms – or whatever it was they were doing – as the pleased. As Niki sauntered over to her room, she found Bill following behind. She didn't mind, but she knew what he would be getting at.

She went about changing; brushing her hair, putting her room in order before she heard what she knew was going to be coming.

She was unsuccessful, for as she moved to fluff up the pillows and sit down an impatient Bill caught her wrist.

"Are you ok?" his eyes flooded with concern as he looked up into her face from where he sat on her bed. She nodded and sat down in one swift movement. He took her hand in his; stroking it with his other while he looked down at what he was doing. "I thought I could stay, you know, just tonight."

"You really think that's advisable?" she asked, skeptical in the extreme.

"In light of the way you sounded last night it is." He said sharply, looking up at her.

She searched his face – for what reason, even she did not know.

"Okay then. I suppose the 'relatives' would be dealing with it sooner than later anyways. And anyhoo they've left." She said, shrugging.

"Left?" Bill asked his tone a little too sharp.

"For their own homes, obviously."

"Ah."

There was nothing to be said for a moment or two.

"Did you plan this or what? Because if you didn't you obviously have nothing to change into." She said, getting up and looking over a glass cabinet, evidently searching for a book.

"Eh, you know I hit the sack without the theatrics."

She turned around to look at him lounging on the bed; her look said it all. He raised his eyebrows, and she broke out off the playful cover and shook her head.

"Is everyone staying then?"

"Nup, just me."

"Alright. Give me a minute." She said, sliding out of the room and back into the hall once more, only to find the girls gone to bed – with the exception of Sara – and the guys packing up whatever they had in hand with them when they had walked in.

"Goodnight sis." Tom and Gustav said at the same time, and then turned to smile at each other. "Jinx!" they said to each other, and Georg rolled his eyes as Stella smiled and walked over and stood with Niki.

"You are two are WAY too uptight girly to be 22 and 23 year olds. Jeez." He turned to wink at both the girls standing together and they broke into smiles.

"Goodnight then, you guys." Niki said as Stella hugged her, followed by the three boys who gave her a bear hug each.

She sighed as she shut the front door and sat down next to her best friend and sister of sorts on the sofa.

"So, nighty nighty – but I don't think your sleeping." Sara said, being her usual cocky, perverted self. Niki hit her lightly with a pillow as she turned a delicate shade of pink.

"Shut up! Idiot…" she said sheepishly. Truthfully, those things hadn't crossed her mind today. _Thankfully._

Sara only giggled.

"Goodnight big sis. Goodnight." She said, singing through the last word, and once more Niki wondered why she hadn't taken up singing as her carrier. But then again, she rolled her eyes at her cockiness.

"Jeez." She said just before she stepped into her own room –

Where she found Bill fast asleep, slightly curled with his hair inching closer and closer towards his nose. He sneezed suddenly in his sleep and she just had to giggle.

"Bill sie idiot." She whispered as she curled up and closed her eyes.

"You are." He whispered back, and she smiled before she stuck her tongue out at him with her eyes still shut.

"Am not! Goodnight." She said, wriggling her way to her favourite corner of the bed as she turned her back to him. He kissed her cheek lightly.

"Goodnight love." He whispered, his arm curling around her waist as he pulled himself closer to her.

She nestled her head close to his neck as she drifted into oblivion.

She felt his touch almost immediately when her conscious began to return. His finger ran once more over her hair, and then a little way down her back; again and again and again. She adjusted her head into a more comfortable position, and realized that it now lay against his chest.

"Can't sleep." He said quietly before she had even begun to look up and ask. There was nothing much to say, but the silence wasn't at all unwelcome.

"Are you really ok?" he asked her quietly, and she felt his head shift, and she knew he was looking down at her.

"It was a dream. Its basic human instinct to turn your back on a nightmare you've had, don't you think?" she replied, finally meeting his eye.

"Guess so." He said, looking out the little sliver of window he could see between the curtains.

"What's on your mind?"

He looked back at her, not saying anything for a while.

"Nothing… really… just… don't know what to say…. But – I'm curious for one thing."

"What's that?" she asked, sitting up a little.

"What was it that scared you so much? You didn't talk about it…" he said, trailing off suggestively, and Niki had to swallow the lump in her throat; she hadn't told him exactly what she had envisioned. She didn't want to. She was afraid that her words might turn to fact; and she wouldn't be able to bear it.

Suddenly, but gently, he pulled her face up by her chin.

"I swear to you nothing will happen. Never." He was serious as ever as he looked straight into her eyes. She just stared for a little bit, before she took a deep breath and uttered the words.

"She killed you, so instead of begging for mercy I asked her to take me." She said, eyes averted from his face, but she did hear his sharp intake of breath. "I couldn't see it. Please don't ask me again." She said, looking into his face once more. He held her closer, looking straight into her troubled eyes.

"I won't."

"'Kay."

Silence prevailed once more.

"The maturation of Jay – Zeezy." Bill said, giggling, and Niki smiled.

"Payal made you hear Jay – Z too many times. You're rapping!" she said, putting on a blonde accent, and he laughed freely.

"I swear being nocturnal makes you hyper." He said.

"My middle name _is _hyper love." Niki stated.

"Point, but still." He said, smiling slightly as he played with her hair. "I was randomly remembering the shoot in South Africa… Automatisch and the boars…" he said smirking.

"Oh no! Oh no, those boars were the highlight of that episode." Niki said, giggling. "Even your Mohawk didn't beat them."

He chuckled, "First she wanted it but then she didn't." he said, quoting himself. Niki giggled a little more before a yawn escaped her lips.

"Can't sleep but can sleep." She said, shaking her head as she got up and moved towards the bathroom. She splashed an ample bit of water on her face, the ice coldness of it washing away all traces of tiredness. She looked over at the little clock positioned on the glass shelf – 6:30 am.

"6:30 in the morning and – " she paused, halfway towards the bed staring at the silhouette that she thought she had spotted on the other side of the window and curtains.

"What is it?" Bill asked as he followed her gaze, sitting up carefully.

"I just thought I saw – but then I might be procrastinating what with that entire scare last night." She said as she shook her head and then smiled. Bill frowned slightly. "I told you most likely I just imagined it." she said, trying to reassure him.

"Maybe." Bill said grudgingly.

"Cole's still got people standing on the outside; chill."

Bill looked up at her for a while, before he beckoned her to return to his arms – just before she was about to sigh.

"I'll try." He said, resting his head in the crook of her neck and kissing her cheek softly, and then chuckled, "We'll meet the puffed up jellyfish, German playboy and Sir Bored again tomorrow." Niki had to smile.

"Exactly; along with the pasty pale white manager and the fluttering butterfly Stella Young."

"And then we'll make fun of them again." Bill said, his arms finding their way around her waist once more, and then he rocked himself and her from side to side. She rubbed her cheek against his affectionately, "But be wary of danger." She said quietly, the slightest hint of a tease in her voice.

"Beware, beware all right!" Bill said rather theatrically, and then cocked his head to the side, "Which movie was that… I forgot!" he said, laughing sheepishly in the end.

"I don't even know what you're talking about anymore." She said, turning her head sideways to look at him.

"No you don't." he said quietly, kissing her softly.

"Yeah… I don't…" she said, pretending to be weirded out, causing Bill to laugh.

_"Laugh all you want. You're – " the Sig Sauer clicked into the holster. The assassin was ready, " – leaving soon enough."_

_And with that she was off into the night._

_Leaving behind all but one mark –_

_A single shot rang across the grounds of the house, and the burly guard fell to the damp grass._

_You wish you didn't have poo for brains now don't you?_

_"Oops, you don't – you're too dead to wish at all."_

_The monster smiled her cruel smile._

_She loved cold – blooded murder._


	16. Chapter 16

_Stalker leaves a bloody trail. What next?_

_Stalker keeps promise : The wrath of Death takes it's toll_

_Kaulitz boy and TMOD lead singer under heavy security_

_The TH – TMOD frontman couple: Morning blues?_

_Murder in the spotlight._

Headline after headline, newsflash after newsflash passed the two by, but not a word was uttered as the pushed through the scores of paparazzi just waiting to pounce on them.

"What's your take on the matter?

Mr. Kaulitz, _Mr. Kaulitz! _Look this way!

Are you afraid to move in public after last night's events?

How did the tight security system fail?

C'mon Niki, work that look! LOOK HERE!"

Niki sighed. All the media wanted was a good cover story and they were off exaggerating about how devastated 'everyone' was with this piece of news that had been blown out of proportion. But that was the world of glitz, glamour and fame – everything was out of proportion – her life, her love, her music, her family, her record label, her relationship with anything (irrespective of whether it lived or not) was criticized, exaggerated or underplayed to make her look like a puppet of a clown prancing on the puppeteer's orders. Well, that was how it used to be. Now – one word from Sara and the media was like a tame rot weiler – most extraordinary weapon you could hope to have.

And that's who they were going to use now.

"We're here only to answer questions relevant to the matter; anything concerning my relationship with Bill, or any of the other boys, and vice versa, will not be discussed in this press conference. We already resolved that the last time." The girl said firmly. The two had chosen to go it alone – only taking Jost and Sara along. The bodyguards came, of course.

"What exactly happened last night? Was it out in the open – in front of everyone, or just a quiet job done and no more news from this woman?"

"Last night the woman who believes she is madly in love with me was evidently spying on us, and chose to leave a warning. At approximately 6:30 this morning she shot dead one of the body guards that had been positioned in the grounds of the girls' home. No one even knew till the single shot that was fired _was _fired."

Bill knew he would have to be patient. This would prove to be a weapon – provided he remained calm, cool, calculated. He had to be everything that he did not feel he was at all. Once more he shielded himself from the taut nerves that he knew would soon make their entry if he remained vulnerable.

"Has this stalker left any message, or any trace of her whereabouts… anything?"

"That is the most crucial information – which she, obviously, refuses to provide. She has used her best weapon to invoke fear."

"How is the family taking all of this?"

"Everyone's calm. Freaking out never helps in such situations."

It was endless, it was painful, it was everything uncomfortable, so that Niki almost squirmed in her seat – but she knew better.

So it was when Sara finally squeezed her hand as the four sat in the car that she felt the dregs of irritation, of helplessness. She couldn't even express how she felt; it was much to complex for any means of description.

Things were changing, and swiftly.

Sara's head swiveled to stare out the window and at the tinted view of the gazillions of photographers out there trying desperately to see beyond the flat blackness of the glass on the other side.

"I hate that bitch."

She could feel someone's soft, cold hands brushing through her hair.

She could hear singing.

As she nestled further into his dreadlocked hair she felt a certain amount of peace.

"Hmm, why aren't you sleeping?" she muttered in her state of half – sleep.

"Just been 3 days. I still have jetlag." He murmured back

"You could go sit with Tom too, right?"

"You don't want me to sit here?" she had expected him to sound hurt, but she only detected annoyance.

Her cheek brushed against his. "No silly; I meant I won't be up for a good 2 hours more at least. So you might want to consider doing something more interesting than sit frozen in one position on my bed."

"You sleep like a rock." He said incredulously.

"Do not." She said, annoyed now.

"Yes you do." He said firmly.

"Okay, maybe." She said grudgingly.

"It's a yes. Now go back to sleep already!" he said, playing around with his tone to make her believe he was irritated.

"Why – "

"Just." He said, turning his head slightly to look at her. Her face was a mask of childish anger. He chuckled; the only thing missing was her folded arms.

"Angry now, are we?"

He caressed her face softly.

"Maybe." She said, stubborn still.

"Childish." he whispered as he rested his forehead against hers and kissed her softly.

But this one time it was different.

He held her close, careful as he sat her down sideways on his own lap. She started as she felt herself and him shift over the bed. She could feel the cold warmth of the metal seated on his tongue, she could feel his soft, cold hands turn warm slowly as they braided themselves into her hair and she sighed in contentment. He rubbed his nose slightly against hers as he pulled away slowly, gently. She could see something burning deep within his eyes as he twirled a lock of her hair absentmindedly with his finger; it curled further and further, even more than it naturally was.

She touched his arm lightly with her finger and his gaze shifted to her face. She absentmindedly traced the intricacies of his tattoo – concentrating and looking down at what she was doing. He continued to watch her face, until she looked up again, knowing exactly what he wished. And he did, he did pull her closer; before either of them knew it they'd tumbled back onto the bed.

"Bill." She whispered, looking up at him; he smiled softly at her as he hovered above, bending low to kiss her softly once more.

"Hmm?"

"Do you know – ?"

His face became serious as he saw the flash of fear in her eyes. His finger stroked her face in reassurance.

"I do."

"But I don't." she replied turning away. He stayed silent as he stared her down. "I'm scared." She said in a tiny voice.

"Of what?" he asked gently.

"I… I can't explain it. I just…" she trailed off, looking into his eyes. Before she knew it she had ended the conversation – but not for long.

"…feel like a child." She finished breathlessly as they pulled away. "Or at least I did… before." She continued, stroking his face softly. She sat up slowly.

"…can't loose you…" he muttered as he rested his forehead against hers.

"You won't." she whispered back.

"Hopefully…"

"Idiot."

He laughed softly as he pulled her closer once again; another five minutes and they had crash landed on the bed once more.

And then they heard her scream.


	17. Chapter 17

The note lay pinned to the dart, it had clearly – and purposefully – missed Niki's manager's face by just inches.

"You may hate this bitch, but he loves this bitch. He knows how I love him, and I know how he loves this bitch. Watch your tongue."

The note seemed hasty – different letters from different news papers used to create the whole thing.

"She is so stereotypical, I cannot believe this!" Niki said, throwing her hands up in the air in frustration. Bill stared at her in astonishment.

"You're not – "

" – scared? No, I'm not. Because I have neither the energy nor the time to tremble!" she said in earnest.

Tom was rubbing Sara's shoulders in a desperate attempt to push away the adrenaline. But Niki had already pushed him aside as she hugged her younger sister. Sara sobbed once into her shoulder, and Niki kissed her hair.

"You sure you're okay?" Niki asked after Sara mumbled something incoherent. The girl nodded. "Okay, love… Gute nacht." Niki whispered as Sara slowly disentangled herself from her sister's arms.

The three walked out of the room.

"She's ok?" everyone in the hall asked in chorus. Niki nodded. She pulled the two brothers aside.

"We have to do something." She said through gritted teeth. The boys looked at each other and then back at her.

"Bill…" Niki begun in a slightly persuasive yet nonchalant tone.

"No." he said firmly, anger flickering through his eyes. Tom looked from one to the other.

"What's going on?" he said, rounding on two of the three people he valued the most. Niki sighed.

"I thought maybe, you know…"

"She thought she should leave." Bill finished, his anger flowing easily now. Tom's face froze.

"You're not thinking that again." He told his sister of sorts.

"Oh, alright!" she said in frustration. "Then we need a better solution! If you have one – enlighten me!" her hands started moving about like they did everytime she was having a heated discussion about anything.

"We'll just have to wait till she falters and leaves a clue to her whereabouts." Tom said simply, making it sound so easy. Niki sighed, turning on her heel and moving back to her room.

"Good night!" she shouted back to her new found family.

As she huffed down onto the bed Bill stepped quietly in. She looked up for a moment and then looked back down. He sat down quietly next to her.

"Why me huh?" she said, suddenly, sounding like a child for the very first time. "What did I do wrong?" he only looked into her eyes, knowing she didn't want a reply. "This is ridiculous!" she exclaimed, throwing herself onto the bed on her back. He continued to watch her. Slowly, he leaned on his side on the little bed, both their feet dangled off the front edge of the bed. Silently, he stroked her temple with his thumb. Her eyes shut at his touch, and she sighed.

"Too much to handle…" she muttered, curling in towards him.

"You'll be alright. We'll be alright." He said quietly, gently. She nodded, her head resting against his chest.

He could hear her breath coming and going against his own…

"Your heart's racing." She said, looking up at him. For the first time she looked so…childish, so vulnerable to a stupid spur-of-the-moment mistake. He shrugged in response, resisting the urge to pull her closer than she already lay. He knew he would have to draw a line for a little while.

But her brow furrowed, she knew there was something that he was avoiding. He slipped down next to her, brushing the little strand of hair off her face – did it always manage to reach there?

"My thoughts are… complicated." He said slowly. She only looked into his eyes for a moment, and then hugged his torso.

"Kay." she said.

"Are you going to sleep?" he asked, trying to look down at her, and she raised her head.

"I'm finding peace." He smiled at her words. She always did manage to give an unusual answer – sounding random, and yet connected in a very unearthly way.

Unable to stop himself he leant in and touched his lips to hers.

"Yeah that helps!" she said playfully, but it went flat since she was out of breath.

"Does it…?" he whispered, and she blushed as she ducked into his shoulder blade. "I haven't seen that in a little while." He continued, and he could see the smile making its way across her face. She snuggled further into his chest, one hand lying over his heart while the other was tucked under the pillow.

"Your heart's still racing." She stated. She picked up his hand from where it lay against his side, and placed it gingerly just below the base of her throat. His breath hitched just the slightest bit.

Her heart beat jaggedly, fast then slow, and then fast again.

"That's what it does everytime… with you… I think it decided to go all film script on me." She said smiling slightly. He only stared at her, fighting to reason with himself, and was then distracted by a little part of that monster's threat that clicked in his head.

"You know I don't feel for her – at all – don't you?" he asked seriously, and she looked puzzled.

"Yeah…" she replied, not knowing where this was heading.

"I love _you_." He said, emphasizing the last word, and the warmth in her eyes was unmistakable.

"I love you too. And I know that." She said, calmly but happily. He breathed out a sigh of relief.

"I wouldn't doubt you Billi, you should know that." She said sharply, getting up from where she lay next to him.

"Sorry." He said quietly, and after a moment or two she lay back down.

They lay there in silence, Niki finding designs in the tiniest of cracks in the ceiling.

"Niki?" he begun hesitantly.

"Hmmm?"

"What if I told you… that… I needed you… too much…" he said, wording it carefully, and as she blushed the slightest bit for only a split second she recalled the events just before the note along with the dart. She was silent for so long, her face so unreadable that Bill was scared for a moment.

"Well… I would say that… how do I say it? … that I did too…" she said, trailing off, and Bill brightened the slightest bit.

"But it's inappropriate." She said, cutting his mood short.

"How so?" he asked the slightest hint of irritation in his voice; she turned to face him.

"I'm seventeen I'd like to grow a little older, a little more mature – mentally – before I… did things." She said, and then he understood.

"Oh."

"It's not like I don't feel anything. It's just… maybe I'm not ready to give it… that big a shot. I mean for me it's something big, I mean – "

"I know what you mean." He said smiling a knowing smile.

"So you see? Not now." She said, smiling back.

"I was just asking…" he said, trailing off. She gave him a knowing look as she smirked

"Oh, I know." And with that reply she curled the other way – only to be pulled back.

"No you don't." he said, shaking his head slightly.

"How do you know that I don't know, and how do I know that you know that you don't know but I do know, but you say that I don't?" she asked innocently. He blinked, confused for a second.

"I know you don't because you don't and second I do know that I don't know and that you don't know either." He said, smirking.

"So are you saying that we both don't know?" she asked, still feigning innocence.

He considered that for a moment, holding her closer as he looked at the ceiling and inferred what she had just said; and then he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I am." He smiled.

"Idiot."

He smiled and stared out the window, not feeling the need to talk.

"Is that the reason you… wanted to…" he gulped, not able to finish the statement. She started.

"No. I… I just thought that… maybe it was wrong… for you… I – " she sighed, unable to explain, and he watched her intently. "It just doesn't fit into…everything. I mean I am pretty young. I just never thought it would make much sense." She completed. He took this in slowly, seeing the accurate and logical thinking behind it all. "I still think… that I might end up hurting any of you… especially you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself then." She finished.

There was a silence, which only invited more and more tension for Niki.

"Is that all?" she asked him.

"I guess…"

The lay there in silence, until Niki yawned involuntarily. Bill smiled in amusement.

"I think I'm gonna be sleeping now."

"Gute nacht love."

She kissed his cheek in response as she drifted into an uneasy slumber.


	18. Chapter 18

_The room was dark, and the night air caressing the curtains was chilly. The little boy thought it was the perfect weather._

_The perfect weather for his mother and father to fight._

"_I'm scared Tomi."_

"_Shh…! We'll be fine. It's just one night…"_

_Like every other night… the boy thought…_

_-x-_

_He stood in the little school hallway, his white coat fluttering a little against the static of the wall while he stood next to his brother, posing on his graduation day…_

_-x-_

_He sat on the floor, shaking and wasted, his eyes rolling into the back of his head as his lids snapped shut. Ignorance was everything…it was blissful… _

_-x-_

_That one cold room, he sat – suited up and smiling. His mother was finally happy. He could finally be happy now…_

_-x-_

_The black tears slipped down his face. Why couldn't he find her? He was screaming from the top of the world…_

_-x-_

_She lay there, on the floor; her hair covering her beautiful brown eyes, covering the pain residing in and consuming her broken soul… was she the one? But no time to wonder, as he looked on, his eyes slowly slid shut… sleep prevailed…_

_-x-_

_He could taste the sweet coffee on her tongue. He couldn't believe his luck…he never wanted to let go; he wanted to hold her there forever, feel complete forever…_

_-x-_

_She lay, broken, as she slid her mother's eyes shut, and he felt his heart break. Est ist Gegen Meinen Willen…_

_-x-_

_She slept peacefully, occasional frowning and muttering strange names, before her face twisted in pain. he knew she was hurting, so he ran his hands through her air, brushing his fingers across her temple like the many times before; and her face automatically cleared of all anxiety, all traces of pain vanishing with his simple touch. She sighed and buried her head further into the crook of his neck, and he sighed in contentment, reveling in how amazing it felt to be complete…_

_-x-_

_The happy tears slipped slowly down his face, and he clutched the little piece of paper a little tighter to his chest. He would never be able to express in words what she had given him…_

_-x-_

_His heart broke slowly as he understood the logic behind her heartbreaking words, and he pulled himself together to make one last attempt to bring her back…_

_-x-_

_Her vulnerable eyes bore right into his, and he could clearly see the fear, the anguish in those beautiful big brown eyes. But he had nothing to say. He knew it could not help…_

_The monster's face flashed in his head._

Bill bolted upright, fear traveling fast and making him experience something very close to a spasm.

"Hmmm?" she stirred next to him. The only girl he had had the courage to love. "What's it?" she asked, sleepy but attentive.

"Funny how every memory you've ever had can flash by in a few seconds." He whispered, smiling in gratitude that they both were yet alright. He stroked her face, just to reassure himself; she shut her eyes slowly and smiled

"Been happening since I was five, never gets old, believe me." She muttered, settling deeper under the covers. "Do you wanna talk to Tom or something?"

He laughed softly, how did she always know the right thing to say? How did she accept with such ease that so much of him would always belong to Tom?

"What?" she said, frowning slightly in her sleepy state.

"Nothing." He said softly, smiling. She scowled, her eyes still shut, and he laughed lightly. "Maybe I could explain later… when I have an hour to think of how I can put it all in the correct order and make it sound sensible." He said, still smiling as he lay back down and pulled the blanket back over himself.

"You don't _have _to say it." she said, her voice dropping low as sleep begun to prevail once again.

"But I want to." he said, sleepy too now.

"Tomorrow, when we're both awake." She muttered, snuggling as she curled over to one side, and Bill laughed softly.

"Tomorrow then."

Bill woke that morning feeling – and more than anything else – complete. He felt happy, content; he felt that nothing could destroy the peace and tranquility the girl sleeping next to him had brought to his life. He ran a finger lightly over her eyelids as his angel continued to sleep. He knew she would not wake for a while.

He slipped outside and onto the grass that surrounded the large house; feeling the sweet wetness under his soles, and closing his eyes as the gentle early morning sun glided across his face. He strode forward, and then slowed down, deciding that he wished to enjoy everything and enrich himself as much as he could. He'd never been a morning person, but today had left him feeling so much better than he had ever felt in so many years.

All, all was quiet, peaceful, gentle, and happy. Nothing shifted, nothing tried its hand at perfection, for imperfection sufficed now.

A whisper against the grass – but when Bill turned to look: nothing.

He slid to the grass in one graceful, swift motion, and his eyes slid shut slowly, his head bent low – letting the sunlight nuzzle there with him.

There was that rustling again.

Finally feeling disturbed, he stood up and moved towards the sound, which seemed to grow in magnitude as he walked onwards. He frowned, wondering which one of those sweet little creatures would want to disturb him in his moment of peace. He turned the little corner at the side of the outhouse, but then stopped short.

The hideous creature that stood before him could only be described as something that thrived on jealousy, hurt, malice, and a serious mental condition – all sprouting from its own being. He had long stopped pitying this monster, but could only describe what he felt to be pure loathing.

"What do you want?" he spat roughly. The creature looked up at him, smirking. Her cat like orbs gazed into his with the utmost affection, a strange fondness which tempted him to flinch and turn away, but he glared onward/

"If tomorrow never comes, will you tell her that you love her? Well, it wouldn't make much of a difference, since she believes that lie without asking any questions anyway." He growled, tempted to give in to his violent thoughts, but resisted.

"Everything I've ever felt for her is the truth. Everything you believe I feel for you _is a lie._" He hissed, and her face was distorted by an unnatural rage.

"What you and I have – "

"Is in your monstrous head. _She's the woman I love and you are nothing._ Now get out of here before I shred you to nothing you bitch."

The curt retort brought a strange expression to the monster's face; Bill thought she might've been smiling, and he stared on in shock. She edged closer to him, and he stood there frozen. A stubby finger with a long fingernail reached out to graze his cheek, and he hissed.

"No matter, no matter… ah, but you will be seeing me soon my love." She brought her finger to her own lips as she retreated towards the vine covered wall. The dirty finger nail, along with the tip went into the mouth, and she moaned softly; Bill thought he might get sick.

Just like that, she was gone.

-x-

"_Why _did you talk to her?"

"She was being whimsical, and I thought maybe she'd listen to me and – "

"Well, guess what? You gave her more reason to want to kill me!"

"So you think I did this on _purpose _now?"

"No, Bill. I just think you made the biggest mistake by – "

"Both of you SHUT UP!"

Their angry faces turned shocked as they turned to face Tom; Niki ran an irritated hand through her hair as Bill breathed out in an angry huff.

"You'll are fighting over something as stupid as this? This is ridiculous. We need to call that damn detective and report this."

They were too overwhelmed with shock at their own pettiness to respond, and Tom got up, taking the cellular device from Payal and speaking with the man present over the other line.

"He's coming in here to ask a few questions."

Niki walked through the passageway towards the kitchen.

"I'd rather eat before I see you answering those questions." She muttered irritably as she passed by. Tom was shocked, this may have been the first time the two had really raised their voices at each other. No one was used to it. Bill huffed once again, sitting down on the untidy bed. Everyone had woken up not an hour ago, when he had caused the commotion by telling everyone who he had just witnessed. He sat there now, but after two long, solid, painfully silent minutes he got up and made his way to the kitchen as well, muttering something about being hungry as well – where in truth he didn't think he would be able to even look, let alone swallow, even one morsel of food or gulp down any sort of liquid, let alone coffee.

He walked in to the smell of mozzarella cheese melting in the microwave – just the slightest hint of basil laced through.

"Pizza?" he whispered softly, and Niki jumped, as she turned around, her eyes narrowing as she took him in. he sighed, hurt just the slightest bit at the expression on her face.

"I didn't mean to – "

"To what? Risk my life – but more than that risk _yours_?"

Her words hit him like a heat wave. He had never thought of that.

"She killed that guard without a second thought. Bill, what did she say when you tried retorting to her? What she do?"

He was puzzled now, scared, as he walked forward, pulling her into him before he answered. "She… she smiled…"

"She's _mentally ill_,Bill; for real. You can't just go talk to her and expect her to understand, walk away, or not react violently. Her reactions just proved how far gone she really is. _Don't ever do that _again; you understand me?"

He nodded, shocked.

"How did you – "

"I'd taken psychology as a subject. Besides, I loved reading case studies. If I'm not wrong, she has schizophrenia. But I guess that detective will know better, so don't take my word for it."


	19. Chapter 19

**Long time no chapter ;)**

**Anyhoo - here it is:**

"When and how did you first hear of this woman's death threat?"

"I think it's pretty obvious how. She threatened my girlfriend; it landed up on MySpace, and then got on the news."

Bill's aggravated reply brought nothing but more attention from Detective Garcia.

"What did she say to you today when you asked her what she wanted?"

Bill looked up, only to catch Niki walking in at just that moment. She didn't look him in the eye, but began walking down the corridor, until Tom caught her by the hand, willing her to sit down.

Bill squinted, trying his best to remember the exact words.

"She said, 'If tomorrow never comes, will you tell her that you love her? Well, it wouldn't make much of a difference, since she believes that lie without asking any questions anyway.'"

Behind, the love of his life froze, as if the words were confirmation of her previous assumption.

"And what, may I ask, was your reply?"

"It made me angry. I told her that what I have with Niki was the truth, and what she thought I have with her is a lie."

"Now, Mr. Kaulitz, I need you to concentrate, and try and remember in as much detail as you can. _What were her immediate reactions?_"

A pause, one breath released, another being sucked in – the silence stretched on.

"She hissed, and… she sort of bared her teeth. She was angry, but the expression was inhuman. She tried saying something else about the relationship she thought we had but I cut her off, telling her all of that was in her monstrous head. I used the exact word. I told her that she wasn't the woman I loved, that she was nothing. I told her to leave before I shredded her to bits, called her a bitch."

The room felt frozen, everyone staring at the raven head seated at the table. Georg stiffened, and Stella buried her head into his shoulder, stifling a sob.

"What was her _reaction_? Not her words, her body language, her posture."

The words were specific, and Bill shivered lightly, reliving everything, the horror of what was going on settling in.

"She…she sort of…smiled. She reached forward and touched my face. She…she called me her…she called me her _love._" Fists were clenching all around the room at the words, and on the inside Niki felt that if she could, she would banish herself to prevent all of this.

Silence, nothing but the steady blows coming from the Detective's wooden pipe, the smoke swirling in the air, and then vanishing into nothingness, _just like this innocent, humble man's happiness_, Garcia thought. He knew exactly what would happen next. He knew he couldn't stop it.

"What did she do next, Bill?" he asked, softer, gentler now. The man before him hung his head, embarrassed and horrified to even speak of it.

"I have to know the whole deal to be able to carry out this investigation, Bill…"

"_She sucked on that finger and moaned._" He whispered, ashamed, appalled and disgusted all at the same time.

Silence took over. No one could word the horror and disgust that enveloped them all; Stella clutched Georg's arm tighter, Tom went rigid as he held both sister' hands.

"Schizophrenic." the angelic voice whispered in the background, shocked, and he felt a soaring rush of guilt – he shouldn't have spoken with the monster, he brought this onto them, to her.

"Right you are Miss Mehta. You've made a good deduction. It may have been a bad move to converse with this girl, but at least we have a something now, a clue to begin investigation with. I would recommend tightening the security in this area and making sure you've allowed only your most trusted servants into this house. _Do not travel anywhere alone._ Anything out of place, I want to know about it _immediately._ I shall be visiting again once I have recovered previous data that could provide a better lead."

The silence etched on, the only noise being a click as one sorry Detective Garcia walked out, leaving everyone else in shocked silence.

-x-

"Bill, come one, you have to eat a bit."

But Bill sat there, frigid, frozen, unreachable, stuck up in a void – endless and fearful musing fueled by hate stirring and chilling every bit of him. Even the chair was stone cold, or so he felt, sitting in the same position for so long. Everyone had eaten dinner a long time ago as he had sat there, staring at the food in front of him that had slowly gone very cold, just like his fingers and heart had gone very numb. His angel sat across the table, waiting for him to eat before she did so herself. She was torn between fear for herself and anguish at what this was doing to the angelic man sitting in front of her. She felt that if he would not speak now her head would split in two; maybe this was what the monster had wished for – suffering in silence; _it was one of the best means of tormenting one's soul, one's everything, _she thought.

"Bi-ill…" her voice broke – out of fear, anguish, horror, or the tears she was leaving unshed, she didn't know. He looked up, empty, afraid, horrified – just as she was. She, in turn, started, looked carefully into his suddenly wide eyes, covered the distance from one side to the other, and pulled him into a tight embrace. The man – no longer a boy in any way – gasped as the grave nature of the situation finally sunk in and pulled him down – harsh, cruel, merciless – angry chains of darkness.

"W-we're okay?" he said softly, desperately seeking confirmation from the one person who could give it to him. The angel looking down into his worried face started, looking into his eyes carefully.

"Yeah." She said slowly, softly, now determined and confident that she could – and would – never think of leaving; the only thought that came to mind was of enduring pain not in silence, nor in physical inflictions that had been lent energy by anger and hate and a deep spiteful nature, but with a resilience that was fueled by determination, courage, good will and most important of all – the love she had lost, and that which she had gained.

"Yeah, we're okay."

The extravagant house, the lush grounds, the moon - everything gazed  
at their own self and their fates in silence; the starry skies  
observed a tangled mess: alone and up on the terrace, two bodies -  
their colours clashing against the stark white of the strewn  
mattresses - lay there: whispering, their breaths mingling as they  
spoke to each other, their souls so close, and uniting whenever their  
eyes met.

"Bill?"

"Hmmm?"

The girl hesitated, unable to word her question.

"What's it?" the boy prodded softly, curiosity taking over. The girl  
ducked, burying her head into his neck once again, peeking up at the  
brooding night sky from thick lashes that created dancing shadows up  
above on the high terrain of her cheeks. The boy lifted her beautiful  
face up, peering into those eyes, and she hastily managed to pose her  
question.

"Are you still shaken? You aren't yet upset are you?"

The boy's euphoric mood dying with the change in conversation, he  
looked into his angel's worried eyes and silently admitted the truth;  
appalled and timid at the same time, his eyes admitted a possibility  
that his male ego might not have been able to deal with, and the  
silence etched on now, where first it had been flowing with the  
innocence and comfort of the divinity that seemed everpresent in the  
girl's every embrace.

There was nothing to say, no comforting words could come to mind that  
would ward away the pain, that would put away the chill that was creeping up the boy's spine. Instead, the girl only buried her head  
further and deeper near the comforting spray if raven hair, sighing  
internally and willing for some kind of response to arrive. At first  
there came a nothingness that left her hope dangling at the edge and  
supported only by the presently weak thread of desire and belief, but  
then a sigh, and one pair of lips caressed the other; pale pink met a  
deep red in a confession so sweet that for just that moment the spying  
heavens that threatened to intervene were all but forgotten, and lust  
spiked love in a tantalizingly delicious plea that begged to be  
understood.

A throaty whisper, unable to convey the fear and frustration, and yet  
exploding with unnamed emotions and feelings, thoughts far beyond the  
realm of vocabulary, grammar and the physical and biological, but  
thoughts that reached forward and pulled at the girl's heart, her soul  
nonetheless, and plucked at strings that seemed unaccustomed to the  
undying kind of love, the kind of love that was capable of keeping  
pain at bay and then working it's magic some more over the large  
radius of emotions and feelings alike.

"Ich liebe du, meine engel."

Throaty yet soft and benign, the whisper cured both souls' hurt, fear  
and listlessness for just those few moments in time.

The girl peered onwards, her thoughts submerged in dull gold; the  
slope of one nose colliding gently with the other fondly. The verbal  
reply to those magical, healing words wasn't instant, but the song -  
that duet of the two souls - tied themselves together in another  
binding knot as the harmony finally reached forward and caught belief,  
desire and hope in its open arms.

"Ich liebe dich auch."

Black spilt against brown as the two foreheads came to rest against  
each other, and the two souls collided once again: a fusion of pink  
and red set against the angular splash of a pale, pearly white and a  
rich glowing caramel, and surrounded by the moonlit darkness that  
brimmed with secrets and wishing stars, that hid Death and its guests.  
Silence enveloped the two souls in its cocoon of comfort once again,  
and pale, pearl skinned fingers intertwined themselves with the rich,  
glowing caramel ones - both sets long, but the caramel ones far more  
soft and silken to the touch - far more magical and heavenly, the  
raven head thought.

"I have to leave in the next few days."

One of the same soft, heavenly caramel coloured fingers reached  
forward, the pale tip stroking the pearl face, performing a magic only  
it could control.

"Then the next few days are all yours to keep."

-x-

A little river of dew ran down the edge of a dangerously uneven and chipped landscape, and then dried out as the cloth absorbed it all up just when it reached out to caress caramel skin – a hand lying at an awkward angle. In every fold on the left edge of a damp mattress –long brown hair curling, studded with diamond droplets and slowly soaking in a deep crimson. Everything, everything was still, silent. The sun hid unsuccessfully at the edge of the horizon – pink, rosy and shy – before it begun to peek out of sheer curiosity at the two people that lay swathed in a warm blanket, connected by a deep love under the early morning sky and oblivious to the monstrosity that stood gazing at them steadily, the angel ignorant to the little crimson drops trickling down her arm at a preposterous angle. The girl stirred delicately, her eyes opening to gaze at her surroundings, and then she sighed at her carelessness, yet oblivious to the pain. They should have been down and in the house.

"Guten morgen."

The brown haired angel froze – an elbow, the one that wasn't as bright a red as the other, positioned as a lever so as to help her into a sitting position, but forgotten now as she lay there petrified. A tiny _splash _– just a whisper as the monster edged closer; a black, cloaked figure with the brightest and most maniacal green eyes gazed steadily at the angel face that was frozen in an unforgettable expression of utter shock. The hair that ran loose everywhere was dirty and unkempt, but stood out in contrast to everything else – a shocking, vivid red. A dirty, long and sharp fingernail stroked a caramel cheek. Both gasped – the monster in disgust, and the angel in terror.

The raven head stirred from his land of dreams as he felt his angel recoil. A frown appeared momentarily on his beautiful face and he grunted, causing both females to look at him.

"I'll be gone... he wants you for now I see… But you will be gone not long from now. I'll make sure of that."

She smirked evilly, her gaze flickered to the caramel hand the was strewn carelessly at the edge of the mattress – the arm that had a deep cut allowing a crimson river to flow down and merge with its colourless counterpart; painless up until now, the hurt shot up through the angel's veins accompanied by much more than just a pinch of shock and fear.

The dirty fabric draped loosely over the monster's shoulders whispered menacingly as she caught the edge of the low terrace wall and swung herself over.

She was gone, but Death lingered on.

The angel shivered, her lower lip quivering, and she tried desperately to banish from her memory the images that were burnt in and still made her wince with pain. She buried her head into the still sleeping raven head's neck. His face was the ideal picture of sweet dreams, of one of the first comforting nights he had had in years. But as much as she tried not to shiver, to stop the bone chilling fear from spreading as quickly and as venomously towards her heart as it was she just couldn't, and drowned in the horror of the situation. She sucked in a ragged breath, and the pale raven head lurched awake at the sudden sound. A cry, and she begun to turn over to prevent him from seeing anything, but he had already noticed the great gash that stood out so prominently over the liquid gold of her arm.

Turning her over, and cradling her arm as carefully as he could while he whipped away the crimson fluid away with one of the stark white sheets that were strewn everywhere he looked into her wide eyes filled with fear and an ancient sadness that did not belong there.

As he continued to run a gentle hand over the gaping wound he asked her softly – "Who did this?"

She seemingly could not bring herself to answer, but one petal lip continued to quiver as it did as she turned away from him, and he pulled her closer for just a moment before taking both her hands carefully in his own and helping her up. He never looked away from those scared and soft brown pools, the lashes tangled as the tears continued to pour down caramel cheeks. He reached forward, the tip of his nose gliding forward in an attempt to wipe those pristine salt crystals away, but she only sucked in a ragged breath and continued onwards unable to stop herself. He walked in front of her, never looking away for a second, and moved down the stairs, careful of his footing.

Below Tom and Payal stood together, their foreheads leaning against each other; muttering something atrociously cocky, Tom avoided the playful but tiny fist that attempted to make contact with his arm, and they both laughed once again.

The house had been exceptionally silent at this early hour apart from the aimless banter between the two older siblings, but at the sound of that one sob, that seemed to hitch an octave halfway through the two looked up, rushing forward and trying to make themselves useful.

She still shook, a strange feeling ran warm and yet cold in her blood, not escaping but entering from the open wound, and the thought made her wince and cry out once more. Her dark hair made darker and soaked in her own blood, she felt like dirt, she felt useless and disgusted.

She felt mortified.

Disentangling herself from the frantic yet somehow calm mess of arms and orders that surrounded her, the damaged girl headed for the other end of the space, heading towards the only place she thought she could purify herself.

The cold and biting iciness were cruel at first, but soon the steady fall of water over her tingling skin proved to be the balm she had hoped for it to be. She watched the little rivulets of pink gain speed and follow an ever-changing path down her frame, till they turned colourless with the excess dilution. She watched them swirl and heard the little exit in the corner gurgle – a black monster waiting to swallow its prey…

Suddenly the water seemed too cold, monsters – monsters everywhere! The world seemed too cruel; her beautiful mother, and her good-natured father, her annoying brother, and her sister looked far away – but close as their last image flashed behind her eyelids once more. She shuddered violent, a shudder that bordered on the line with a seizure, and begun to rock herself back on forth on the grey-tiled floor. The water continued to bite and snatch at pieces of her – cruel and brutal, vile and evil.

_Plop-splash-thunk. _The noises sounded soft, and she froze. But before she knew it his pale hands held her arm carefully, and he looked into her eyes once more. A smile couldn't have played on his lips at such a time, but it seemed his eyes reassured her with a bright knowingness that every wrong in this dark tunnel would be set right. A promise made – and seemingly not at all in vain.

She continued to shake.

He sighed, his lips parting to utter words that revolted, playing Judas and refusing to obey his command. Another breath wasted, he felt he could not lose time, for she might just slip away: his savior – battered as she was. He sighed softly, shifting enough to kneel down in front of her, dropping her hand in the process, and she placed it in her lap once more. She stared on at the spot where the little rivulets formed a river of their own and exited down the sink, shuddering once more and her eyes shut slowly; she tilted her head upwards, as if trying to accept gravity and the law of nature that told the water to fall, the air to move even though one would think it still.

"I'm sorry she whispered softly, her eyes opening, no longer afraid, no longer hurt, shocked, panicky; she had fixed herself temporarily once again, he reached forward slowly – careful not to make any sudden movements – and caressed her lips with his lightly, softly: a moment of reassurance – binding his unspoken firmly into place. Breaking away from her quivering petal lips, he sat back, cross legged and staring deep into her soft but deep brown eyes and trying to fix her by unspoken words that passed clearly from his soul to her own.

His shoulders hunched after a while, as if a great weight were placed on them, and he sat where he had before – head rested against the wall and knees drawn up to torso. And as the two sat there in a silence filled with gloom, but despite the unquestionable strength of their bond and the love they had for one another fear continued to rise out of the darkness. Eventually the raven head spoke soft and clear, and his angel responded, and, soaked as they were in the cold water that sounded harsh against the stone cold floor, they laughed softly, slowly forgetting their worries for the moment, but one image flashed in both heads time and time again –

A single paper boat that had floated in a puddle at the far corner, a piece of parchment tucked in one crease and blood spatters all over –

_This is just the beginning._

And the blood red letters burned holes in each mind.

This was just the beginning

**Oh, and review bitte? just one? (no, that DOESN't count the existing review -.-)**

**DANKE!**


	20. Chapter 20

A dark alley, the dirt and grime sticking to the man's forehead just like his worry and anxiety clung to his heart – a vice like grip. He stood as the tap in the corner continued to drip in the corner and stared at the monstrous woman sitting a little way ahead. A steely noise was being emitted every now and then as she continued to sharpen an abnormally large and horrifyingly blood knife – metal struck against metal, thus striking a chill through the bulky male.

"We made a deal. _You swore never to touch her._"

The woman let out a bark of a laugh that bordered with a sneer, "Did I now? I must've have forgotten, she just looked so… _luscious._ I just couldn't resist myself." Another peal of mad laughter.

"She hasn't been able to stand in over a week! I'll be calling quits if you ever harm her again you filthy piece of –"

A head snapped up and two wild green eyes stared into two petrified grey ones.

"Is that a threat?" The monster said in a soft, lethal voice. The man flinched. She rose in one fluid, feline movement, only to speak once more. "Is that a threat my sweet Cole? Do you really think you can defeat me?" she reached out, stroking his cheek in a seductive manner that was almost sickening and smiled up at him mockingly as she cooed.

A chill struck down the man's spine as he continued to stare at her, transfixed and unable to respond.

"I can't believe I let you murder one of my guards." He said quietly, finally breaking out of the trance she had put him in. the monster's smile widened. He turned on his heel and begun to walk away.

"Do what you want with the boy," he called as he walked ahead, his lips quivering but his voice firm, "but leave the girl alone Irina."

Irina smiled and sat back down, gazing at the man's retreating figure.

"As you say," she called back, "_brother._"

-x-

Cole made sure Irina did not come anywhere within reach of his beloved. He cared about her too much, and nobody suspected his intentions; nobody noticed when the blonde man's eye's narrowed everytime that angelic beauty stole a kiss from that disgustingly feminine boy. Or that's what Cole thought of him.

_Look at me, _he would think, _I'm the one you want._

The days passed, but the raven head did not leave his beloved's side. Everywhere she went he was there. So with a sigh and more than just anger surging through his veins, Cole faithfully served them both, and he kept dear Irina at bay.

But this did not stop the monstrous woman from murdering the Detective.

In a flash, she had cut his head off – a clean job done, and his angel, too scared to risk anyone else's life hadn't called in for a replacement, even though police followed everywhere. The months flew by, and Irina visited him less and less. He was beginning to think she might have given up, that maybe her mad voices may have quieted down in that dark and dangerous head of hers.

Little did he know he was completely and utterly wrong.

_I should have never left her at home alone…_

Niki sat facing the television set in the studio across town. She had been waiting for the rest of the band to show up for a little over two hours now. But she had no one to blame, the traffic had been exceptionally nasty all through this afternoon. She sighed, curling up as she slid down with her head resting on the arm of the soft sofa. Her phone rested next to her, nestled and emitting light from a particularly shadowy area in her hair that was strewn before her and hung loosely over the edge. It had been a little over three months and there had been no news from the evil energy that had seemingly wanted to shadow her every move. After the murder of Detective Garcia Niki had been shivering too violently, had been shaken too deeply to want to put anyone else on the job and have them slain as well. Presently she shuddered at the very thought of the feline monster; her eyes shut slowly in an attempt to block her out, but au contraire her mad electrified eyes danced in front of her mind's eye – mocking her being intensely and seemingly wholeheartedly. Eyes flashing open, Niki shifted uncomfortably where she lay, a futile attempt to calm herself. But slowly she felt herself shutting down, and her eyes looked out into oblivion, no longer watching the flashes that greeted her from the electronic device sitting opposite her. Her hands ran absentmindedly through her hair, trying to mimic the soothing touch of her angel, something she hadn't felt since he had been forced to leave for work once again. He had worried, and so had her brothers. But she had convinced them everything would be well.

All was quiet, reflecting the absence of people in the premises. Slowly – and with great difficulty – the Niki's eyelids drooped and finally shut completely. Her breathing evened out, slowing down to a snail's pace as she drifted off into an uneasy slumber once again.

_A looming dark archway; she lay there bleeding, her strength waning with each passing second. A cry escaped her lips as a figure added an even darker shade to the many of purple that made up the room around her. But her plea was unheard – the boy sprawled next her was limp – his cheek ice cold where his head rested in her lap. _

_The monster let out a bark of ruthless laughter._

"_You will meet the same sticky end. Isn't that what you wanted? Oh, but maybe not – I won't let you be with him, ever; even in death."_

_She strode forward, crouching and peering down into the girl's frightened eyes. Electric, maddening blue prodded and probed warm and frightened brown – _

"_Yes, you'll never see him sweetheart." The monster sneered, and her nail grazed the girl's cheek. She thrashed, screaming as she did. Something told her she was desperate to wake up, to open her eyes. But her eyes were already open! Desperate for release, she let out another cry. One last plea for help before she was kicked back into the shadows of her personal hell…_

A sense of awakening jolted her to her senses like a swimmer breaking through cool, mystical albeit black and sinister waters. Looking here and there so as to make sure there were no signs of danger, she finally noticed her phone fall to the ground, thrown out of its dark shelter and still vibrating. She let out a relieved gasp and fumbled, her fingers trembling, and she kept dropping the expensive electronic marvel.

"Oh, get a grip." She muttered to herself in the darkness as she swung her legs over and finally managed to pick up the little device. Strangely enough, she felt uneasy; everyone should have arrived by now – the sun had set. How long had she slept?

Brushing away the panic and swallowing down the bile that threatened to rise further up her throat, she looked down at the touch screen.

_Bill Kaulitz_

She smiled softly to herself, squinting and blinking instinctively as the flashes of the television blinded her momentarily.

"H – Hello?" her voice was yet shaky.

"I missed you today." The velvet voice said softly, and her smile widened.

"Why, what did you – _aaarggghhhh!_"

Across the other line Bill's heart lurched forward, colliding dangerously with his Adam's apple.

"Niki? NIKI ARE YOU – ?"

But the line had gone dead already.

A continent across, Bill's dark haired angel scrambled across the carpeted floor, frantically searching for an exit, some way to carve out a diversion – but her mind was a blank slate and the lurking shadows shed no light upon any ideas that they might have concealed. This blank nothingness was now becoming everything; it was becoming her, it was becoming fear.

And yet, this blank nothingness was, in itself, fearless.

The monster jeered, laughing softly; she glared as she advanced upon her prey, but as she crouched low to peer into the girl's face Irina wore a mask of unmistakable – and dangerously maniacal – calm. Her electric blue eyes glowed in their usual mad light, just like in the girl's daily nightmares. She dared to scramble back and further away, but Irina stood up, covering up the distance with just a stride or two. She towered above the girl, and as if her dream had become reality – the purple darkness now had a darker shade that blended, but not quite, for the monster's form was thrown in quite sharp relief.

"You know… I have the perfect opportunity to be rid of you, but," Irina paused, as if testing how much dramatic effect her words could create. Sure enough, and to her satisfaction, she heard the helpless girl's sharp intake of breath quite clearly. The scene was only obstructed by the light emitted by the television in the corner, and it spilt all over and bathed the room eerie shadows. Slightly irritated by this out of place feature, the monster picked up the remote, flicking it sideways, and it crashed into the flatscreen – shards of glass flew everywhere and collided with every solid, inanimate object in sight. Niki raised her hands, cowering below and now covering her face. Irina only sneered at her weakness.

"Hmmm, where were we? Oh yes, yes… but I do not have the _permission_…" she continued to sneer, as they continued to move slowly across the room – the girl scrambling, and the monster mirroring her every move.

Niki knew that she couldn't dare to make a sound; she could only hope and pray that one day the angelic boy who she loved and had inevitably lost her heart to would forgive her for coming quietly, as she was about to now. She hoped that sometime, later on after all of this was over, after she was gone – then she hoped he would be able to love someone else, perhaps even more than he had ever been able to love her.

But most of all she hoped that he would be able to bring justice and capture this brutal feline creature.

All so that he would then live in peace.

"I – If you need to finish this… I hope you do so quickly."

Abruptly, the monster's smile vanished as she heard the words uttered by the girl before her. But no sooner had this happened did she smirk once again, her face contorting and looking most evil – even more than before. Her hand travelled to her side, only to caress the little sheath that concealed today's weapon of choice. The pulled it out – a silver, rather large knife – its edge serrated and glinting wetly. Her tinkling laughter rose up, up – and she roughly picked up the girl before her, holding her in a vice like grip. She moaned softly at the goosebumps she that had risen on her victim's arms, but, determined to strike properly this time, she twisted her the other way – her front facing the girl's back.

She inhaled deeply, and she smelt fear on the girl's otherwise intoxicating scent.

She loved the smell of fear; it gave her a pleasurable rush.

"Oh, you won't endure death tonight." Irina smiled softly, running a finger down the length of her victim's neck, and then tasting the fear that she had smelt so fresh on her scent. She moaned softly once again, holding the girl tighter, and the latter did not struggle, for she was left feeling paralyzed.

"You are, however, going to endure pain."

She stroked the knife carefully, cooing and murmuring softly to the girl as if mumbling sweet nothings to her only lover. Slowly, sensually, the serrated edge of the knife grazed the skin at the girl's wrist. The latter shivered involuntarily, but the movement of the knife never ceased – gentle and slow, rhythmic even. Soon the edge had penetrated deeper into her skin than the girl had accounted for; she made to scream, but Irina had silenced her already. The knife went deeper and deeper still, it seemed – and each cut stung more than the one before. The monster moaned once more, as if performing an act of pleasure. Each strike, each moan was sickening the girl further and further. The bile rose up her throat, threatening to escape any minute, but she swallowed it back down. If she was to endure pain and agony, she would make sure she did so in silence.

"The sting… Beauty isn't she?" the monster's voice was hoarse, as if she were falling deeper and deeper into a state of ecstasy; the girl cringed. "Just the right amount of poison on her edge isn't there? I'm glad you're quiet… ah…" and with that, the first hand was dropped and tied to the metal leg of the table, and the second picked up. The monster sniffed longingly at the tantalizing flavors. She had to admit, the girl was intoxicating.

"You don't mind if I take just a taste, do you?" she whispered, not waiting for a reply as she bent low; her tongue flicked out – just a hint of the venom spiked blood came to rest on her tongue, and she gasped at the effect it had on her. A finger reached out to stroke the girl's cheek, who cringed, revolted in the extreme.

"You know… you really are something… no wonder he keeps you around." The monster moaned once more, but anger flowed in her veins once again. She hissed involuntarily.

"He won't have you for long, though now, will he? Oh, no… no, he loves me too much… wouldn't want me angry… yes…" she continued to convince herself as the knife moved up and down over the girl's left wrist, moaning in pleasure as she did.

Time passed, and to the girl the room seemed to grow dimmer than it already was and was shrouded by great black spots; she heard as if through black, turbid and dangerous waters that drowned her insides until her breathing was just a few shallow gasps every now and then. But even then, no sound left her paling, trembling lips.

The angel had almost slipped away, and she had now begun to gladly embrace Death… slowly and steadily. But this journey of acceptance, this dreadfully, agonizing journey was interrupted by a crash that interrupted the monster's activities. She looked up, agitated and angry. The girl, the anger – she tried to look up, she tried her hardest to lift her face up to determine for herself whether the shadow that now blocked the door – that burly shadow – was he enemy or savior?

A voice echoed through the room, but she never heard the end of the sentence as she slipped back into Death's welcoming arms.

-x-

"Is she awake?"

"Cole, you tell me what happened this instant! You tell me right now you no good – "

"I – "

"Mr. Kaulitz! MR. KAULITZ! Can you please calm down, everyone! This isn't good for her, especially not when she's trying her hardest to win a raging war against Death all on her own!"

The outraged and confused crowd gathered around the stiff and slightly cold hospital made to quiet down, but to no avail.

In all her years the doctor, Magnolia, had never seen someone who had been violated worse than the broken and weak girl before her. She glared at the yet bickering crowd, but her expression faltered as she watched the broken souls that were visible to her – a dark skinned girl with waist length black hair, the tears slipping down her face; the two unusually pale and beautiful men who had been the most angered and confused not a second ago. The three figures, she noticed, were the only ones yet holding onto the girl's hands. The tallest of them all – one of the pale men – continued to draw patterns into the back of the limp Indian beauty's hand. She watched as he brought that very hand up, kissing it softly as he tried to whisper words of comfort – no doubt convincing himself, more than anything else.

She sighed, deciding to leave the room as the noise had finally died down. Most of the people sat wherever they found space.

In all her years Magnolia had also never seen such love in a man's eyes.

She noticed as his eyes followed the needles that went deep into her arm, and then extended upwards – a blood red tube that led up to the bag of the self same life liquid. She knew guessing at the great surge of rage that flowed in the man's veins, and the guilt that was the cause of the lump in his throat, would be a futile effort. But she could see for sure how he wished with all his heart that he could put a stopper to the mayhem that surrounded the beautiful girl that lay weak and limp before him.

But what no one ever saw was the burly guard outside, his vigilant grey eyes watching the pale man's every move. His fists clenched in anger and agitation, he cringed at the way the man touched the girl, the way he looked at her. _It should be me inside, that's my love… _Cole thought. Who was this…this _Bill_? _Why was he so special? _

He sat there, restless but yet vigilant, and thought this over. He would rid his love of this…this _Bill_ soon, he thought_. Yes, that pale young man will not live for long; I will make sure of it…_

_And also_, he thought smirking evilly to himself, _neither will my sister._


	21. Chapter 21

"Are you -"

"I said I'm fine Bill!" the girl propped up on the bed said fiercely.  
Her hands were shut into tiny fists as her mails dug into her palms,  
almost making her believe that she would bleed. Three raven heads  
stared back at her, disbelieving and skeptic - two men and a girl; all  
holding a piece of her heart, but none understanding in that moment  
her desperation to have them under the protection of a home, something  
she knew she wouldn't be able to receive; she was a danger to them all.

"We're not going anywhere, and I'm not listening to another word you  
say! What do you expect me to do, leave my twin sister alone in a  
hospital bed with no one by her side?"

"There'll be body guards by my side! And yes, that is exactly what I  
expect!"

The raven head girl turned away, exasperated. Bill watched on,  
desperate to find a loophole in her request.

"You had to promise her, didn't you? Just had to promise her that you  
would give her whatever she would ask for?"

He looked away, shocked that he hadn't seen this coming; as he looked  
up he caught his angel looking up and into his face, beseeching and  
hoping that he would oblige, just like he had vowed to; but as Bill  
understood the thoughts pouring out of those beautiful big brown eyes,  
he had to look away, and she slumped once more against the thin  
pillows that had turned uncomfortably warm - seeing since she had been  
too weak to walk for more than two weeks now.

"You promised..." she whispered low, hoping he wouldn't hear, but he  
did anyway, and his heart broke as her hurt penetrated through to him.  
Unable to handle it any longer he walked out, striding up towards the  
lifts at the corner end. He heard a pair of footsteps mimicking his  
movements a little way behind him, but he chose to ignore it. As he  
stood, facing the double doors of the ginormous hospital lift, a pale  
hand slammed hard against the linoleum of the wall next to him.  
His head whipped around, and he stood face to face with his twin  
brother; Tom's face was all concern and fear as he seeked silent  
reassurance from his baby brother, but his request did not procure an  
answer.

"What did she say to you, Bill?"

The lift bell 'pinged', and Bill wrenched open the doors and got in,  
making haste to pull them close; nevertheless, he failed and Tom stood  
next to him in the giant steel cubicle, glaring on as if it would  
create a gaping hole in the side of his baby brother's head and  
provide him with the answer he required. The latter tap-tapped  
impatiently as the lift descended. But as it reached ground floor Tom  
seized him by the arm, whipping him around effortlessly and slamming  
him against the wall in agitation. Quick as a fox he jammed the lift  
where it stood, barring exit or entry to his convenience and wishes.  
"What did she say?" he asked once again, teeth gritted. Bill glared on  
at him, unresponsive, and Tom sighed, his grip slackening. Wringing  
his wrists to shake off the anger, Bill moved away from his brother.

"She asked of me... She asked of me to... To take you both and go."  
Tom's hands were turning cold.

"She asked of me to take you both and go... And never return."

Both men's head hung as if convicted and placed under a death  
sentence. _Death_ _would be better than this_, Tom thought. Surrounded by  
his little demons, he almost didn't notice when the door 'pinged' open  
once more and his brother walked out.

"Don't follow me," he said, and Tom paused halfway between reaching  
out and placing a cautioning hand on that slumped shoulder.

Bill Kaulitz walked out of the great building, nothing but a sense of  
grief possessing his thoughts, feelings and soul. Darkness coloured  
everything, and he knew the exact reason that had stimulated her  
words, that had broken his angel completely.

_She must risk it all, or watch them die._

He shut his eyes tight, and the only thing that flashed through his  
mind were the thick white bandages bound across her wrists, and the  
fact that the doctors believed that the physical scars would never  
fade away, adding to the searing pain that accompanied the widening  
gash in her soul. Hadn't she had enough, hadn't she witnessed enough,  
suffered enough?

And then anger surged through him, burning him like wildfire; how  
could he leave her at the edge, and just let her fall? How he let go  
of the only love he'd ever truly had and then let her dangle above the  
brimming and complete Darkness without tearing his soul apart?  
_No_, he thought, _it isn't possible. She IS a PART of my soul._

__But he had promised, and he had vowed to honour that promise - a  
double thread that would cut that taught string to happiness, to  
warmth, to Light, and to love.

_I cannot let that happen_, he thought; but try as he may, he could not  
pull up a solution. Sitting in the warm comfort of his car, he squeezed  
his eyes shut, kneading the lids with his fists, her words ringing  
through his ears –

_"Something's... Something's lurking out there."  
"But we're okay?"_

He remembered her searching look, those eyes that had considered him  
for just a fraction of a second.

He now understood truly how well she could lie, and it made him feel  
worse and more furious than he already was.

_"Yes, we're alright."_


	22. Chapter 22

Her hands shook where she sat, her face turned as she looked out the window at the black rain that hid the spectacular view of Mumbai City. In that moment she was not afraid, but she didn't possess much confidence either. What she was sure she was experiencing was shear, raw, unconquerable anger. Anger at the fact that he wouldn't listen, anger that she had to trick him, angry that she had had to lie to him, angry about every little thing she had done – the reason he stood there with love in his eyes and hope in his heart.

It had been a while since she had been able to sit like this – alone and haunted only by her own thoughts. But just as she had begun to cherish the anger, trying to get accustomed to it, a warm breeze caressed her caramel skin.

The door clicked shut softly.

"I can't do this," the scared voice that whispered now was easily recognisable. She would have recognised it even if she had been sleeping in her grave. But that day was coming soon…

_No,_ she convinced herself, _not now. Not yet. Finish the lie. Save them._

So the old careful set of rules that she had created took centre stage, throwing all thoughts of how much she loved him behind and into the wings. There was very little time left now.

Two pale hands reached out for her's, and despite the rigid, near catatonic posture she had hoped to acquire she shifted her hand an inch or two; he stopped, and sighed in frustration. The only thing she dared to move next were her eyelids – blinkingly steadily, blocking the tears, steeling herself. In her peripheral vision, he knelt down next to her – a silent plea in his beautiful golden eyes, and she turned the other way, trying to avoid temptation.

'You promised." She said softly. He let out another little huff.

"Yes. I did."

She didn't react to what she knew to be a subtle betrayal, but wondered whether she had left that loophole there on purpose, or had she just forgotten. Either way, it was her fault he still tried. _I wish he would stop paving the way towards seeing it all unfold before his own eyes. No one should see this. _Her thoughts were calm, a virtue she was surprised she still possessed.

"And you vowed to honour that promise."

"Yes I remember what I did or didn't take an oath for." He snapped back, the hopelessness clearly evident in his voice; he knew she wouldn't budge.

She could not reign in her surprise this time, and turned to look straight into his eyes, into his soul, and he moved quicker than ever – sitting close to her and cradling her face in his hands. He kissed her softly, but she had walled up enough not respond. He sighed one last time, a broken sob escaping him. But when he opened his eyes after squeezing them tight once he seemed full of rational reasoning, of logic and belief and hope. She wasn't privileged to hold the last two in her arsenal anymore – she had no right to keep them.

"I'm not doing it without you."

Despite herself, she gasped – something barely audible over the whir of the machines surrounding the hospital bed. She jerked away from him, unable to contain her frustration any longer.

"It's four, or none."

"Take Simone and Gordon and everyone else then." She said scathingly. He clicked his tongue disapprovingly, as if speaking to a child.

"Nein, you know that won't do. Mutti cribs so much in the cold weather."

She turned to look at him, disbelieving that he would dare to joke during the current circumstances.

Seizing the opportunity, he scooted closer to her, cupping her face in his hand once again – marvelling the richness of the caramel that was her skin in contrast his deadly pale snow sheet.

All of a sudden, his expression shifted – worry took the place of light humour. He stroked that face – it looked so worn, unlike itself and yet itself in an estranged way. She continued to defy him – her eyes, her soul, piercing right through him.

"I can't leave you her to die."

She looked away, her secret finally out.

"Yes, you can; you promised you _would, _in fact."

"No."

"But – "

"I promised you that we would leave here and never come back. That's what we'll do."

"No. that's what _you'll _do."

Her expression carried the fierceness of some ancient being riddled with hurt and illness. He had to fix her. He just had to.

"I believe I haven't given you a choice. We're leaving. Soon. In fact, we're leaving in the next hour, that's midnight." And as she begun to protest – "My word is final." Her shoulders slumped as he uttered the words while he stood up. He hesitated, reaching towards her once again, cupping her face in his hand and kissing her softly. This time she did responded, however, and grudgingly so.

"I'm selfish love."

She sighed, looking away from his long angular face. _Avoid temptation. _But she knew it was a futile attempt. She'd failed herself once again.

"You're not the only one."

He laughed softly, stroking her cheek, placing another warm kiss on her cheek.

"Fine. Then I'm selfish too."

**Oh, and thanks smileycentral234 for favouriting LAMTH! (LA, Music & Tokio Hotel)**

**tokiohotellover1996 for favouriting me as an author :)**

**these chapters that I've just posted are for you guys**

**and also of course for my twin sister, my life - **

**I love you Payal Shah :)**


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